UPJOKE
watercraftvesselcraftsmanartisancraftsmanshipworkmanshiptradehandicraftaircraftboatspacecraftshiphovercraftmiddle agesstagecraft

Crafted Jokes

My analogies are like the world’s best crafted poems

Terrible

The blacksmith only sold items he crafted himself. Like his father taught him...

He who smelt it, dealt it.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My wife insisted we go and see the alligators crafted out of manure at the "contemporary" art gallery last night. My advice... don't go!

Turned out to be a croc of shit.

Two scientists are playing Minecraft.

Two scientists are playing Minecraft. One is new to the game and doesn’t know much about it. At some point, he crafts a pickaxe, but doesn’t know what to do with it, so he asks the more experienced scientist.

Scientist 1: Bro, what should I do with this pickaxe that I crafted?

Scie...

A man walks by a farm, where he sees a pig with a wooden leg

He's never seen anything like it before; the pig is just wandering around the farm, but with a well crafted wooden leg. His curiosity gets the better of him and he waves the farmer over.

"Sorry to bug you," the man says, "but I just have to ask, how did that pig end up with a wooden leg?"...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Wood Eye

Little Johnny had a tragic accident and lost his right eye. His parents were poor and couldn’t afford a replacement so Johnnys father crafted a wooden eye to put in the empty socket.

Johnny was very self conscious and in turn was very shy, especially around girls. His parents encouraged him ...

The Bacon Tree

The year is 1541 and the French have just begun colonization in North America. Young Jean-Luc is in his newly crafted home when suddenly his friend Jean-Pierre bursts through his front door. 'Jean Luc!' he exclaims. 'You weel nevar believe! I 'ave 'eard word of a bacon tree!'. Jean-Luc looks confus...

My insanely clean Canadian Bee Joke.

My bee joke I crafted myself:
*My Canadian Bee Joke*


My Aussie friend Deidre is an Apiarists. She works with bees. Actually she likes to be called Dee.

She was in Canada recently doing research at a university and she said she noticed that when she describes her interactions w...

The Master Chef

A master chef brags to another man that he has at long last created the perfect dish. A dish so delicious that no man alive could resist it culinary divinity.

The man asks how such a dish is possible.

The chef responds that the secret is his artfully crafted blend of herbs and spices t...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man walks into a bar and sees an old man sitting by himself

He sits next to the man, who obviously already had a few and starts a conversation. The old man tells him:
"You see that dock out there? Built it myself, hand crafted each piece, and it's the best dock in town! But do they call me "McGregor the dock builder"? No! And you see that bridge over ther...

I have this friend who went to Yale.

I have this friend who went to Yale. Maybe you've met him? Really bushy beard, went back to school get a doctorate in sculpture? Anyway. He just gave me his entire collection of carved blackbirds. I was stunned because not only are these some of the most well-crafted sculptures I've ever seen, but h...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A federal marshal walks into a bar in the Old West...

He tells the bartender about an unusual wanted man he's hunting.

"I haven't seen anybody too unusual around these parts lately," the bartender asks as he hands the marshal a drink. "How unusual are we talkin' here?"

"You'd definitely know this fella if you'd seen him," the marshal said...

A plane full of engineers

A group of aerospace engineering professors are on a plane heading to a convention. Prior to take-off, the pilot comes over the intercom and announces "Distinguished professors, you should be proud to know that this particular plane was designed and crafted by many of your students."

Most of ...

Will and the Narnidian

There was once a little shopkeeper that lived in Narnidia who sold various 'crafted' items. Eventually, he decided (for one reason or another) that he needed to move to the US. After moving, his very first customer walks in. The shopkeeper says, in a friendly manner, "Name?" The guy says "Will." Th...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

[REQUEST] Your favorite long, maybe a bit TOO long, but worth it joke.

Every day I read the bounty of /jokes, and maybe once a month I see a new one. It fills me with such joy. Also, I work with this amazing fellow who tells these 20 minute jokes, and I am almost out of return-fire ammunition.


See, I love long jokes, story jokes, and there seems to be a pauc...

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.