A shepherd tells his dog to go count the sheep...

So the dog goes out, comes back a little later. Shepherd says: “How many sheep you count out there?”
Dog says: “40”.
Shepherd says: “That’s not possible, I only had 38 to begin with!”.
And the dog goes: “Yeah but I rounded them up”.

A rich Texan is on vacation in Ireland...

One of my oldest, one of my favorites, but I haven't seen it pop up since I've been subbed. But of course it's surely a repost. I like to put on the Texan drawl and Irish accent for this one...

After a long day of sightseeing the Irish countryside the Texan wants to relax and have a beer so...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I was in Asda earlier...

this thick bitch was on the check-out, face like a slapped arse and all the charisma of a half eaten waffle.

I came to pay, I had only bought milk and bread but had no change.

"£1.03 please"

"Sorry this is all I've got," as I handed her a £20 note.

Haven't you got anythin...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Piss Poor Luck

A guy walks into a bar, and slams down a wad of cash and tells the bartender he's on a lucky streak all night. After a few drinks, the guy asks if anyone in the bar are willing to bet hard cash, and the Bartender points him to an area in the back of the bar.


A little over an hour later, t...

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