UPJOKE

Confucius Say Jokes

Confucius say…………

Man who stand on toilet is very high on pot! What else you got?

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Confucius say:

Man with severe premature ejaculation may cum in handy

Confucius Say....

A passionate kiss, like the spider's web, leads to the undoing of the fly.

Confucius say

Confucius say,

Man who run behind car get exhausted

Man who run in front of car get tired.

Confucius say…..

Man who go through airport turnstile sideways is going to Bangkok

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Confucius Say

It is only when a mosquito lands on your testicles that you realize there is always a way to solve a problem without violence.

Confucius Say

It is nice to meet girl in park...

but it is nicer to park meat in girl

Confucius say: Man who fart in church...

Confucius say:

Man who fart in church, sit in his own pew.

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confucius say...

Man with five penises have pants that fit like glove.

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Confucius say:

Man who try to pick up two chicks, only gets cock in hand.

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Confucius say; Man who is into fisting,

gives shitty handshakes.

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Confucius say: There is no half-empty beer bottle...

...only half-full piss bottle

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Confucius say...

Man who stick dick in biscuit tin is fucking crackers

Confucius say: Man who hurts another gets charged with battery.

Man who kills another gets charged with electricity.

Confucius say it's better to be knocked down and held up...

... than held down and knocked up.

Confucius says

Confucius says man who hammers table together ain’t screwing around.

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Confucius say...

...man with itchy asshole have stinky fingers.


...man who fish in other man's pond often catch crabs.


...baseball wrong. Man with 4 balls not walk.


...man who fart in church sit in own pew.


(Feel free to add more)

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Confucius say....

"One who farts in church, sits in own pew"

"Learn to masturbate, it come in handy"

"Man who mix Viagra with Laxative, Not know when he coming or going"

"Man who make mistake in elevator, wrong on many levels"

"It takes many nails to build crib, but one screw to fill it"...

Confucius say...

Difference between camping and being homeless is intent.

Confucius say, he who wear mask alone in car

also wear condom alone in bed.

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Confucius say. . .

. . . anal beads make crappy necklace.

Confucius say...

Man who goes to bed with stiff problem wakes up with solution in hand

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Confucius say...

...sex on beach is like American beer, very near water.

Confucius say :

"It takes many nails to build a crib, but only one screw to fill it".

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Confucius say, man who fall over book case...

...gets the sore arse.

Confucius say: Man who jump off bridge in Paris

is in-Seine.

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Confucius say, man who puts penis in peanut butter

fucking nuts.

Confucius say, piano falls down mineshaft...

Get tone of A Flat Miner.

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Confucius say virginity like giant bubble

One prick, all gone

What would Confucius say about errors made in elevators?

He who makes a mistake in an elevator is wrong on many levels.

Confucius say

Confucius say: go to bed with itchy bum, wake up with smelly finger.

Confucius say...

Man who fight with wife all day get no piece at night.

Confucius say.....

Confucius say man drunk in cemetery make grave mistakes

Confucius say to quiet the herd

One must shut the flock up

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Confucius say, "American baseball is wrong"...

"man with four balls cannot walk"

confucius say when you take old hooker to all you can eat seafood

you walk away with a big bag of crabs

Confucius say, many hand make for light work,

But one hand make for quick job.

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Confucius says... (maybe slightly nsfw)

...man who take woman camping have one in-tent.

...man who puts rooster in freezer gets stiff cock.

...man who stand on toilet is high on pot.

...man who makes love to exhaust pipe have hot rod.

My dad and brothers(and uncles) are to blame for most of these horrib...

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Confucius says - He who goes to bed with itchy butt

Wake up with stinky fingers.

Just remembered this from when I was 13

Confucius says: Woman who sleeps with judge.....

receives honorable discharge

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Man ask Confucius: If a man shaves his asshole, is he gay?

Confucius say: Man who cleans house expects a visitor.

Let's hear some Confucius Jokes

I'll start

Confucius says woman that keeps soap on top shelf will jump for joy.

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A summary of the world's religions

Catholicism: Shit happens.
Protestantism: Let this shit happen to someone else.
Judaism: Why does this shit always happen to us?
Hinduism: This shit has happened before.
Confucianism: Confucius says "Shit happens"
Rastafarianism: Let's roll up this shit and smoke...

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Some Religious Truths

TAOISM: Shit happens

ZEN BUDDHISM: What is the sound of shit happening?

PROTESTANTISM: Let shit happen to someone else

ATHEISTS: Shit happens for no apparent reason

HARE KRISHNA: Shit happens/ Shit happens/ Happens, happens/ Shit happens

CONFUCIANISM: Confucius say...

I heard this pitiful joke when I was a teen.

Confucius say, woman who fly upside down have crack up.

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