Cold Outside Jokes - 25 Hilarious Cold Outside Jokes

It's so cold outside

I saw a politican with his hands in his own pockets.

Twenty years from now, kids are gonna think "Baby it's cold outside" is really weird, and we're gonna have to explain that it has to be understood as a product of its time.

You see, it used to get cold outside

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How do you make it so no one gets offended at the Christmas song "Baby It's Cold Outside"?

Rebrand it as a rap song and name it, "Yo Bitch, It's Freezing Outside."

I’m not saying it’s cold outside, but…

I had to take a chisel along when I walked the dog to free him from a fire hydrant.

It's cold outside.

Give a man a jacket and he will stay warm for a day.
Teach a man to jacket and he will never leave his house.

It's so cold outside...

...the local flasher just described himself to me

It's really cold outside

Don't worry, it's an inside joke.

It's so cold outside...

even the ATM shows minus.

Its so cold outside today

I was mugged by a guy using a water pistol.

It's so cold outside....

You could rob me with a bucket of water right now!!

“Hey, can you close the window, please? It’s cold outside.”

“Even if I close the window it’s still gonna be cold outside.”

Two scientists were walking around in Russia during winter

Scientist one: It's really cold outside, how many degrees?

Scientist two: it's -40°

Scientist one: Celsius or Fahrenheit?

Scientist two: Yes.

"Baby it's cold outside" is bad because it's about a guy is trying to get laid.

"Santa Baby" is ok because it's about a girl trying to screw Santa. Got it.

They’re taking “Baby It’s Cold Outside” off off of the radio for being offensive?

But I can’t help to think about all those poor children that lost their grandmothers in tragic reindeer accidents.

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I guy walks in to a bar. Has a story to tell.

He's sat at his local, looking kind of miserable. The barman says "Hey, how ya doin'? You don't look so good ...". The guy replies "Last night ... Last night was the worst night of my life."

"Oh really?" says the barkeep, "How bad can it be?"

So the guy tells his story:

...

My wife asked me to get out of the house because I can’t stop singing Christmas songs.

I said, “But Baby, it’s cold outside.”

So do you use Celsius or Fahrenheit?

"So do you use Celsius or Fahrenheit?"

"I use Melvin."

"You mean Kelvin?"

"Nah mate. Melvin. YO MELVIN! IS IT COLD OUTSIDE!?"

A Johnny Carson joke I've never forgotten.

One of those memories that are shrapnel from another time.

Johnny: Boy, it's really cold outside.

Audience: HOW COLD IS IT!?

Johnny: Well it's so cold... I saw a flasher describe himself to someone.

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The Postman

Walter the mail carrier was delivering mail and a few packages to Mrs. Petersen, a gorgeous housewife, right before Christmas. Mrs. Petersen was stunning and always had a kind word, unlike her arrogant prick of a husband. It was a cold morning, and as Walter was dropping off her mail, Mrs. Petersen ...

Swedish Computer Terms

Bay A: "Requesting weather report from secondary base"

Bay B: "It's cold outside"

A Canadian buys a walk-in freezer

His neighbor asks him: "Why do you need a freezer when it's so cold outside?"

He replies: "To have a warm place inside the house. It's -30 outside and -10 in the freezer."

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Knock knock

1) "who's there?"
2) "Thai Mai Shh"
1) "Thai Mai Shh who?)
2) "Bro, tie your own fucking shoe! Also, open the door please. It's cold outside."

My girlfriend asked me to get her off.

I told her it was a little cold outside to be needing bug spray.

One cold winter morning, during the Christmas season, a mailman was doing his route.

As he was
delivering all the Christmas cards, he came to a
house and realized that they had so much mail that
it wouldn't fit in the box, so he decided to knock
on the door.

As the door was answered, a beautiful blond woman
stood staring at him. The mailman said "I'm sorry
...

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