UPJOKE
lolthatshahalindseyvinnydontdatssnyderthxscottykennyfrazierjenningswillieyur

Cmon Jokes

An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar...

The first orders a beer...
The second orders half a beer...
The third orders one quarter of a beer...
The fourth orders one eighth of a beer...

The bartender pours two beers for the entire group, and replies "cmon guys, know your limits."

It boils my blood when people use to, too, and two incorrectly

Like cmon guys it's really not to hard

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man is walking down the street when he sees a girl with giant tits walking on the other side

He approaches her and asks “How much to bite your nipples?”
The girl shocked, goes “Fuck no, I’m not that kind of girl.
“Cmon, a hundred bucks?”
“No, fuck off”
“Fine, two hundred bucks?
“I said leave me alone”
“Okay fine, one thousand dollars? Cmon”
The girl stops and looks aro...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Its Friday after work and Joe's co-worker wants to go get some beers.

"No way" says Joe. "Last time I came home drunk, my wife was so upset she said she would leave me if I ever get wasted again."

"Cmon" says the co-worker. "Drinks are on me" And after a little more coercing, Joe finally gives in and goes out drinking with his buddy.

They stay until ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An e-girl hit my dms and asked if I wanted to buy nudes.

I said nah I'm broke I don't have any money. She said cmon they're really cheap. And I said no Im still broke and she said pleeeeeeeaaaase it's only 3.50 and then I realized that this e-girl was about 8 stories tall and was a crustacean from the protozoic era. I said dammit Loch Ness monster I ain't...

Can anyone tell me the definition of a Will?

Cmon guys it's a dead giveaway

A string walks into a bar

The bartender says, “we don’t serve strings!” The string says, “cmon man I’ve had a rough day can I just get a drink and lay low?” The bartender says, “no way!” And the string leaves the bar.

The next day the string comes back to the bar. The bartender yells at him, “get the hell out of my ba...

What's the difference between a lover, a hooker, and a wife after twenty years of marriage?

Your lover says "Oooh, more, deeper, longer!"
Your hooker says "Cmon, cmon, let's get this over with!"
Your wife says "Beige! Beige! I'm going to paint the ceiling beige."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

There is only two man made objects visible from space. The great wall of china and,

Kim Jong Un's giant ass.

cmon guys I cant do this all by myself.

What did the puppy say to the skeleton

Cmon, throw a dog a bone

An Orangutan Is smoking a joint on a tree when a lizard walks by...

The lizard asks: "Hey Orangutan what are you doing?"
"Smoking a joint"
"Ooooh can I have a puff???"
And the Orangutan: "Absolutely not, you're so small you couldn't possibly handle It"
"Cmon please Orangutan just one!"
"Alright! But don't make me regret It"
After smoking the lizard...

Rapid guy in a bar

Guy walks into a bar, clearly in a hurry.
Sits in front of bartender and shouts to him:


*- Give me a shot! Faster, faster, before it starts!*


Bartender in a little shock fills a shot for him and he drinks it right away.


*- Give me another one! Faster, faster, befo...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A guy waits to walk in to a bar...

So this guy’ s standing in line waiting to get into a bar and he’s the 3rd person in line.

First guy walks up to the bouncer and pisses himself. Bouncer says “ya okay you can go” and he walks in.

Second guy in line walks up and he also starts absolutely pissing himself. Pee going eve...

Lesson in Marriage

A son goes to tell his father that he is going to marry his girlfriend.

Son: "Hey dad, I decided I'm going to marrying Jessica"

Dad: "Oh wow that's great son, but first you have to say you're sorry"

The son is confused by this

Son: "Wait why do you need me to say that da...

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.