UPJOKE

Close My Eye Jokes

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I close my eyes when I cum

Because cool guys don't look at explosions

I close my eyes and it’s all naked women

\- Did you ever see a psychologist?

\- No, just naked woman.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A gambler gets a notice from the IRS that he’s being audited.

The gambler calls his tax attorney and they go to see the IRS agent. As they are waiting in the office, the agent looks over his paperwork and says:

“The reason for your audit is that you live such a lavish lifestyle, yet not much income to justify it. Can you tell me what you do for a living...

When I close my eyes, I always see the color green.

Probably just a pigment of my imagination.

I am so talented that I can close my eyes and type this

Bdndjfkdhshdjfkfbshcjskahwjwwksndhcjdksbahxdkjbd

I usually close my eyes when I kiss girls.

Not as much pepper spray gets in that way.

I always close my eyes when I kiss a woman.

Experience tells me that if my eyes are open, I get a lot more pepper spray in them.

I told my girlfriend I wanted to start seeing other people

It's really hard to close my eyes whenever someone else comes into view. Plus it makes driving really dangerous.

I don’t get why people are bothered by the sun while driving.

I just close my eyes and it’s not a problem.

A plumber went to the doctor

He said "Doctor, every time I try to sleep I close my eyes and see visions of PVC, copper, steel and corncob. Am I going mad?!"

The doctor replied "Relax. You're just having pipe dreams."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Sex is kinda like hide n seek

I close my eyes, count to 10 and yell ready or not here I come!

Three pastors were discussing how they decide how much of the contribution of believers is allocated to God and to the activities of the church, and how much of it is for their personal benefits.

The first said: “it is simple, I just put everything on the table, close my eyes, and prays. After the prayer, I toss everything in the air, whatever lands on the table is for God, and whatever falls on the floor is for my personal use. The second said: “instead of a table, I draw a circle around ...

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