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I close my eyes when I cum

Because cool guys don't look at explosions

I close my eyes and it’s all naked women

\- Did you ever see a psychologist?

\- No, just naked woman.

When I close my eyes, I always see the color green.

Probably just a pigment of my imagination.

I am so talented that I can close my eyes and type this

Bdndjfkdhshdjfkfbshcjskahwjwwksndhcjdksbahxdkjbd

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Every time a good song comes on the radio I love to close my eyes and really feel the music.

Inconsiderate assholes on my bus keep ruining the moment though....

Every time my wife got angry with me, I would just close my eyes.

To be honest, I couldn't see the divorce coming.

I always close my eyes when I kiss a woman.

Experience tells me that if my eyes are open, I get a lot more pepper spray in them.

I usually close my eyes when I kiss girls.

Not as much pepper spray gets in that way.

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Sex is kinda like hide n seek

I close my eyes, count to 10 and yell ready or not here I come!

Three pastors were discussing how they decide how much of the contribution of believers is allocated to God and to the activities of the church, and how much of it is for their personal benefits.

The first said: “it is simple, I just put everything on the table, close my eyes, and prays. After the prayer, I toss everything in the air, whatever lands on the table is for God, and whatever falls on the floor is for my personal use. The second said: “instead of a table, I draw a circle around ...

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A gambler gets a notice from the IRS that he is being audited.

The gambler calls his tax attorney and they go to see the IRS agent. As they are waiting in the office, the IRS agent looks over his paperwork and says: “The reason for your lifestyle is that you have a relatively lavish lifestyle but not much income to justify it, can you tell me what you do for a ...

What's the best part of being deaf?

If someone is talking too much, I just close my eyes, sit back, and relax.

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How long does it take for a baby to explode in a microwave?

I do not know, I close my eyes when I masturbate

My dad is the world's greatest magician..

He told me to close my eyes and he dissapeared without a trace for over 23 years.

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Dark jokes

1. How many dead babies do you need to change a light bulb? Well, apparently not 11, my flat is still dark.
2.Dark humor is like legs, some people don't have it.
3. What is the difference between jews and children? Children come back from their camps.
4. How much time does it take to grill ...

A young Iroquois enters the longhouse of the village matriarch

"Grandmother, I've got a bone to pick with you" he exclaims.


"Yes, my son. What do you seek?" inquires the wise, old woman.


"Where do our names come from?"


"When a child comes into our world, I take him from the midwives and raise him towards the sky. I close my eyes...

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