UPJOKE

Close Friends Jokes

On a serious note, if anybody knows of any lonely people who will be eating Christmas dinner alone because they have no family or close friends, can the let me know?

I need to borrow some chairs

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So three close friends pass away and all go to heaven.

The angel welcomes them and shows them around.

At the end of the tour angel tells them:

\- "Since the heaven is huge you guys need car, so that you could easily travel around. So, the criteria for getting the car is like this: - I ask you a question and you give me a honest answer"...

I’m close friends with 25 letters of the alphabet

I don’t know y

Not enough people mentions Jesus' biggest miracle...

Having 12 close friends after age 30!

A 2018 report showed that the vast majority of bankers have no close friends

Apparently they're all loaners

After a very successful heist, a thief treats his two close friends to a sumptuous meal at a fancy restaurant.

Friend A: "You've walked away with millions?? By stealing from a printer company? How on earth did you pull that off??!"

Friend B: "You must've had to drive out an entire truckload of printers to make that much!"

Thief: "It was actually a lot easier than that. I just walked out with al...

My neighbour and I became really close friends, so we decided to share our water supply.

We got a long well.

Myself, along with a small group of fellow Chemistry majors have been close friends since our college days.

I guess you could say that we have developed strong bonds.

Speaking from experience, don’t argue with close friends about Bethesda Games.

It’s a terrible reason to fallout for.

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quick story.. of a joke

I (Richard)was out visiting a friend from the Military, we had been very close and out for a long time, but still very close friends. While I was at his house with him and his wife, she said the following. " Some people and I were talking about nicknames and that some of them don't really make sens...

Drinking and driving

I would like to share my experience with drinking and driving.

As most of you are aware, some of us have been known to have had close encounters with the authorities on our way home from the nights out drinking and socializing.

So a couple of nights ago, I was out for a few drinks wit...

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Two Assholes

Bubba got drunk and died in a fire in his trailer caused by his cigarette. His body was so badly burned that the morgue needed someone to I.D. the body, so they called his two close friends, Jim-Bob and Billy-Joe to come and try to I.D. the body.

Jim-Bob went in and the mortician pulled back ...

In honor of, and with apologies to, Tony Bennett

Two close friends, Sam Frank and Frank Sam, pass away on the same day. Frank Sam, having led a good life, went to heaven and played a harp in the celestial choir. Sam Frank, having led a somewhat less noble life, wound up in hell running a disco. Frank Sam really missed his old friend and asked perm...

There were two fleas...

...who were close friends. They often got together to discuss philosophy, science and whether or not life exists on other dogs.

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As I get older many of my buddies are now getting married. As I am still single loads of people keep telling how my friends and friendships will change once they get married...

So far I disagree with this sentiment, I am still close friends with all of my buddies, even after they’ve been married for years and years.



But I can say without a doubt that my friends really do change as soon as they become Dads, they immediately become real motherfuckers!

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(An old joke I heard. So sorry if I mess up with the wording.) A dead body was found floating in the river.

..The police recovered it, and found a wallet with the body. They found out that the wallet belonged to Mr. Smith. But they still weren't sure if the dead body was of Mr. Smith or not.

So they did some investigation and found out about the twin brothers Mark and Harry, who were very close fri...

Recently I got divorced

Last week was my birthday, my wife and kids forgot to wish me, my parents forgot as well, I did not get any calls from friends or family, my co-workers didn't even look at me. I was very depressed. Then my boss came and wished me "HAPPY BIRTHDAY", I was overjoyed. She took me to dinner, we talked fo...

A rich man needs a blood transfusion

A rich man goes to the doctor and the doctor says he needs a blood transfusion. So the rich man goes to work the next day and tells his Jewish employee & close friend the news. Since they have been very close friends for a long time, the Jewish guy offers him some of his own blood.

Right ...

A guy has 2 dying friends...

A guy has two close friends, Fin and Scott. Fin has a heart disease and Scott had a major stroke.both of them thought they were done for.

Jake, who is the guy in this story, receives the news that they have both sadly passed away, and either one left a section for him in their will.

F...

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Two male friends decide to spend their holiday together

They don't have a lot of money so they decide to rent a small room for them both. Unfortunately the only one available has only one double bed.

After all they are close friends and know each other since pre-school. A couple of nights in the same bed is not a problem.

One night after pa...

I've had 3 wives over the course of my life.

My first wife, I married in Vegas. We were both drunk and the marriage didn't even last a day. I never saw her again.



My second wife was my best friend of many years, and our marriage lasted 5 more. Eventually, we decided that marriage wasn't for us, and we were fine just being friend...

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A Catholic Irishman is on his deathbed.

He calls for his son, and tells him "My boy, go fetch the Anglican Pastor, I wish to convert before I die". His son is shocked! The father has been one of the most prominent Catholics in the community, he made large donations to the Church every year, attended Mass every day, and was close friends w...

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The Magic Cure[NSFW]

In a royal court the jester and the court physician are close friends. one day the jester expresses his fantasy of sucking the queen's tits to the physician. the physician says he can make it happen as long as the jester does what he says and pays him 10 gold coins after it is done, the jester agree...

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