UPJOKE

Clap Your Hands Jokes

If you're procrastinating and you know it, clap your hands!!!

I'll clap later...

So I was fingering this girl, she said put 2 in so I did.

She said put your whole hand in so I did, next she demanded the other hand so I obliged. Finally she said "now clap your hands" I said "I can't" to which she replied "Pretty tight huh?"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A tall man walks into a bar, with a tiny man standing on his shoulder.

... and orders a beer. As soon as he sits down at the counter the tiny man hops off his shoulder and starts walking around. It is just a bit taller than a pint of beer, and dressed in a sports jersey. It walks over to the guy right to him, chugs his beer in one go, bumps his fist into the guys shoul...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

(NSFW) A young man decided to have his first time with a prostitute.

As she lay on her back, she murmured, "Put your finger into me."

The young man did.

Then she said, "Put two fingers into me."

The young man did.

Then she said, "Put three fingers into me."

The young man did.

Then she said, "Put your whole hand into me."
<...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A couple were having sex

The girl said "Put a finger in there". The guy does and she asks "Does it fit?"

He says "Yeah"

"Put 2 fingers, does it fit?"

"Yes it does"

"Put your hand in there and tell me if it fits"

He says "Yeah it's in"

"Put both your hands in" she says

"It st...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man and a woman hit it off at a bar and head back to his place.

Things start getting hot and she says "before we get started, there's something I want to show you.. put your fingers in my pussy, all of them."

Without thinking, he puts in all the fingers on his left hand.

She commands "now, get your whole hand in."

He replies, "ooo you're pr...

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