UPJOKE

Christmas Presents Jokes

Kid: "mommy, why am I getting Christmas presents in August?"

Mother: "because it's cheaper than chemotherapy.."

Why was E the only letter in the alphabet to get Christmas presents?

Because the rest of the letters are not-E.

Christmas Presents

To all those who received a book from me as a Christmas present...

They are due back at the library today.

Why do only good kids get Christmas presents?

Because Santa comes with a Clause

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Christmas presents are like sex

It's always more fun to get them from other people than to give yourself one.

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Got my wife’s Christmas presents, perfume and a dildo...

If she doesn’t like the perfume she can go fuck herself!

I just saved a bunch of money on Christmas presents....

By posting about my political views on Facebook.

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A kid is looking for his Christmas presents

He stumbles upon them in his parents closet and begins looking through them. As soon as he begins searching he hears the front door open. He panics and hides in the closet. Then his mom and a man(not his father) come into the bedroom and begin to get freaky. Then the front door opens again and it’s ...

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My kids kept trying to find the Christmas presents so I put them in the attic

Now the pesky buggers are banging on the attic door asking to be let out

Did you hear about the orphans that got their Christmas presents stolen?

I heard it was the second worst thing that ever happened to them.

Struggling with Christmas Presents???

If you're struggling to think of what to get someone for Christmas...
Get them a fridge and watch their face light up when they open it!

I tried wrapping Christmas presents..

But I just didn't have the gift

Why did Donald Trump invite Kanye West round to help with his Christmas presents?

Because Kanye is Trump's favourite wrapper.

Why do kids in the Czech Republic get twice as many Christmas presents?

Because Santa Clause made a list and he Czeched it twice.

Took a peak at one of my Christmas presents.

A bag of rice? Thanks a lot Uncle Ben.

How to get out of buying your kids Christmas presents

Explain to them that due to Global Warming that the North Pole melted and that Santa and the Reindeer drowned.

Ordered some Christmas presents online the other day and used my donor card instead of my debit card.

Cost me an arm and a leg.

A boy is asking santa for a heavy sweater for christmas present

so santa send him a sumo wrestler

Two siblings, a boy and a girl opens their Christmas presents

The boy received a football hat while the girl received a wonderful gold necklace.

The next year, the boy received a puzzle and the girl received an new wardrobe full of clothes.

And the next year again, the boy finds out he got a cheap chinese phone while his sister received an iPhon...

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What's the difference between Christmas presents and ass whuppins?

You ain't gettin' no Christmas presents!

It’s almost that time of year when the fat beardy person comes round to give all the kids their Christmas presents....

Man I hate it when the mother-in-law is in town.

"I bet that you can wrap Christmas presents with your eyes closed,” I said to my wife.

"I probably could,” she laughed.

"Great I’ll just go and get yours”, I replied.

Why is getting Christmas presents for your kids just like a day at the office?

You do all the work and the fat guy in the suit gets all the credit.

Why do turkeys love thanksgiving?

Because they don’t have to worry about buying Christmas presents

When Jesus was given his gifts by the wise men...

Were they birthday presents or Christmas presents?

Bad part about being a bomb disposal technician.....

It takes me 6 hours to open my Christmas presents.

My dad says he hates surprises...

So I wrapped all his Christmas presents in cellophane.

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A rich man and a poor man are sitting by a frozen pond one December

They come to discussing the Christmas presents that they've bought for their respective wives. The rich man says "I got my wife a diamond necklace and a Mercedez Benz". The poor man is astounded at his rich friend's largess. He asks "why did you get her the jewelry *and* the car?" The rich man says ...

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