UPJOKE

Christmas Party Jokes

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Jack woke up with a huge hangover after attending his company's Christmas party.

He didn't even remember how he got home from the party. As bad as he was feeling, he wondered if he did something wrong.

Jack had to force himself to open his eyes, and the first thing he saw was a couple of aspirins next to a glass of water on the side table. And, next to them, a single red ...

Last night I was at a Christmas party

Everyone was feeling Merry…….so she left

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Yesterday, I went to a Christmas Party

I had a few beers, followed by a few cocktails, followed by a few shots...

I still had the sense to know that I was over the limit. That's when I decided to do what I have never done before: I took a cab home.

Sure enough, there was a police road block on the way home, and since it wa...

We did our company Christmas party online this year and my coworkers were surprised at my incredibly detailed tattoo. They refused to believe me when I told them it was done in Madrid, before the pandemic...

Nobody expected the Spanish ink precision...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Christmas Party

Jeff had been in business for 25 years. Finally sick of the stress, he quits his job and buys 50 acres of land in Alaska as far from humanity as possible. He sees the postman once a week and gets groceries once a month. Otherwise it's total peace and quiet.

After six months or so of almost to...

I was at a Christmas party with a stunning German girl . . .

I noticed she was standing directly underneath a Mistletoe. I approached her and asked flirtatiously 'Ooh, what's that little thing above you?'

'Its called an Umlaut.'

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A good way to start a speech at a pornography actors Christmas party…

“You know guys, we’ve been through so much this year, that we really ARE family!”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

John, woke up after the annual office Christmas party with a pounding headache

Had a case of cotton-mouthed and utterly unable to recall the events of the preceding evening.

After a trip to the bathroom, he made his way downstairs, where his wife put some coffee in front of him. "Louise," he moaned, "tell me what happened last night. Was it as bad as I think?"

"E...

My friend wouldn't come to my Christmas party

and when I asked him why he said he was CLAUStrophobic

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

3 guys die after a Christmas party...

3 guys, after a night of drinking at an office Christmas party, get in their car to leave, only to get into a car crash a few moments later and die. At the gate of heaven, the angel says "because it's Christmas, you can pass through this gate if you have something on you that symbolizes Christmas"....

A terrorist walks into a Christmas party

Just kidding.
He drove.

A C-Level, a middle manager and a worker talk at the Christmas party of their company.

They discuss what to do with the Christmas bonus.

"Well", said the C-Level, "I'm probably gonna do a trip around the world, expand my villa in Malibu and with the rest, well, maybe a new Ferrari"

Said the middle manager "Well, I'm gonna make a vacation in Malibu and get a pool for my h...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

After a particularly wild staff Christmas party, a man wakes up with a wicked hangover...

He turns over and groans to his wife, "Oh, God! What the hell happened last night?"

"You got drunk, of course, and made a goddamn fool of yourself in front of your boss!" his wife informs him.

"Piss on that fuckin' guy," the man says.

"You did. And he fired you," his wife answe...

All the Celebrations sweets are having a Christmas party at the bar when a packet of Lockets walks in. 'Oi' shouts the Mars Bar, 'you're not confectionery, get out!'

'Sssssshhhh' says the Bounty 'Don't start, he's menthol'

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I met an Egyptian girl at a Christmas party last night.

I kissed her under the cameltoe.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Two veteran comedians were at a Christmas party.

“What sort of a set-up is this anyway? There’s a line over there for bad food, another one for terrible champagne, which one are we in?”

“I think this is the shitty punch line.”

I was asked to bring an ugly sweater to a Christmas party.

But my ex-wife already had plans.

You should’ve seen their faces when I showed up as Donald Duck at the office Christmas party.

Yeah I had no pants, no self control and I came with three kids that weren’t mine.

Why did the lawyer have to dress as Santa on his company's christmas party?

Because he didn't read the Santa Clause.

Years later, Kevin McCallister murdered his older brother at a family Christmas party.

It was a total buzzkill.

[Joke Requests] Im going as santa to a christmas party tonight and I need some good one-liners and jokes!

Im not looking for long winded jokes that have a punch line, more just quick witted (Some corny, some not) jokes to say. Somewhat along the lines of "can santa get some ho ho hos?" or stuff like that.

Any Christmas Plans?

I'm going to a Lord of the Rings themed Christmas party, can't wait to eat, drink and be Merry.

A man is visited by the three ghosts of Christmas Past, Present, and Future.

Man: Whaaaaaaat are you three doing here?!?! I've enjoyed Christmas all my life, I've donated to Orphanages and Children's Hospitals every year, I open my mansion every Christmas to my friends, family, and their kids of course, to come together for one jolly ole' party, and hell I just took in this ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Two old folks at a home had been trying to have sex with each other for awhile

Finally during the big Christmas party the nurses weren’t looking and they snuck away to her room and got it on. When they were done he turned to her and caressed her hair and said “Darling, if I knew you were still a virgin I would have taken my time.” Then she said “Well If I knew you could still ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

There are two different types of people...

A rich man and a poor man are talking at a Christmas party. The poor man asks the rich man what he got his wife for Christmas. He said he got her a Mercedes and a diamond ring. "Why did you get her both? " asked the poor man. "So if she doesn't like one she still has the other", he replied. "What di...

CHRISTMAS BONUS

Boss: Who said that just because I tried to kiss you at last month's Christmas party, you could neglect to do your work around here?
Secretary: My lawyer.

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.