UPJOKE

Cheer You Up Jokes

An innocent joke to cheer you up...

Lulu, a little girl asks her mum, "Mum, can I take Daisy (a dog) for a walk around the block?"

Mum replies "No, because she is in heat."

"What does that mean?" asked Lulu.

"Go and ask your father. I think he's in the garage."

Lulu goes out to the garage and says,
"Dad,...

A short joke to cheer you up

Jeff told his friend: "I was named after my father."

His friend said: "But his name is John."
"Yes", Jeff said. "He was named that years before I was even born".

Scarlett Johansson is on a plane that crashes on a remote island.

She and some regular guy are the only two survivors. They make the best of their situation, scavenge what supplies they can from the plane, and try to keep going.

They build a little hut on the beach and - both of them having certain "needs" - eventually start hooking up.

This keep goi...

Hey Siri! My girlfriend broke up with me.

Oh no, I’m so sorry! Do you want a joke to cheer you up?

Sure.

What is the difference between you and a calendar?

What?

The calendar has dates.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

In a bar (long)

I forget where I heard this one but it’s one of my favorites.

A man walks into a bar and sits down looking very miserable. Another man sees him and asks “having a bad day?” To which the first man responded “I just got married and put a down payment on our dream house, overextended our credit...

Me: Hey Siri, I lost my Job.

Siri: That's bad, do you want me to tell a joke to cheer you up?
Me: Sure, go ahead.
Siri: What's the difference between a You and Large Pizza?
Me: Idk
Siri: A large pizza can feed a family.

70 ways to cheer a person up

Person 1: I've had a rubbish day

Person 2: Well, it's your lucky day, because I have 70 ways to cheer you up!!

Person 2: Number 1, Give you a big hug.

Person 1: And the others?

Person: 69!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An attorney goes to jail for tax evasion

he his extremely scared and doesn't talk to anyone, he ends up getting a large black man as his cellmate. The black man notices the attorney is scared and strikes up a conversation

"First time?" the black man spoke.

The attorney nodded his head.

"I know how to cheer you up."
...

I got sacked on my first day as a 911 dispatcher...

I got a call saying "officer down, officer down"

I said "aw, what's up buddy, I'll cheer you up"

A woman came up to me in a bar.

She said, "You don't look too happy. Maybe I could cheer you up?"

I raised my hand and said, "I'm married."

"That explains the first bit, then," she replied.

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