UPJOKE

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My wife has been cheating on me and in hindsight I should have seen it coming

For the past couple months we'd barely talked at all. Our jobs had been super stressful and it made things tense. When she'd ask how my day was, I'd tersely reply "it sucked" or "you don't want to know."

When I asked her how her day had been she'd say "They fucked me at work again"

I think my wife’s cheating on me with my best friend.

He’s been miserable lately. Poor guy.

I told my girlfriend I think she's cheating on me.

She told me I sound just like her husband.

I just found out my older wife was cheating on me

Turns out she's not a cougar, she's a cheetah

“Wait a minute! You have been cheating on me all this time!”, my wife yelled at me as she found all the letters I had been hiding.

I felt cornered and prepared myself to face her fury, as she got red with anger and started walking towards me. She looked straight into my eyes and gave me a killer look I could never forget.



And kids, that’s the last time I played scrabble with her!

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I could tell my wife was cheating on me when she said she was out with her friend.

Her friend has been in bed with me for the past hour. That lying, cheating bitch.

I was suspicious or my girlffriend cheating on me with this guy from her gym. So i pick up her phone at night when she's sleeping ..

...and drive to this dude's place on the other side of the town and go to stand on his porch to see if the wifi connects

I Think My Wife is Cheating on Me!

I think my wife accidently admitted to cheating on me. She was getting ready to go to the gym and I asked her when she would be back. She replied, "An hour, two Max."

The only problem...my name isn't Max!

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I walked in on my wife cheating on me

She said it hurt her more then it hurt me. I told her she couldn't possibly know the pain I was in. She replied, "You didn't see how big his dick was."

I found out my wife was cheating on me today.

She said "I'll be home in 10-15 minutes max"

...... My name is Aaron.

Girlfriend: Are you cheating on me?

Me: I don’t get why you all ask the same question.

I knew my girlfriend was cheating on me when she texted me saying

I knew my girlfriend was cheating on me when she texted me saying "I'm out for dinner with my friend Emma" because Emma was lying beside me in bed

I think my wife is cheating on me

I've never talked about this before, but I really need the boards advice on what could be a crucial decision. I’ve suspected for some time now that my wife has been cheating on me.

The usual signs… Phone rings but if I answer, the caller hangs up.
My wife has been going out with the girls ...

Coping with the depression of my wife cheating on me has made me unhealthy. My new motto is going to be #BEACHEATER

The doctor told me that the sand is very good for health

I think my girlfriend may be cheating on me.

When I got home early from work, something just didn’t seem right. I even asked the guy in bed with her if he had noticed anything suspicious.

Left my ex-wife after catching her cheating on me with her deaf best friend..

I honestly should have read all the signs

Frog wife "have you been cheating on me?"

Human prince: "No"

Just found out my gf was cheating on me...

What’s worse is that she’s imaginary.

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“I can’t believe that you’ve been cheating on me with prostitutes for sex,” my wife screamed at me. “I’m really disappointed.”

“You cannot blame me,” I answered. “It’s not like I was getting any from you.”

“Well, that’s your own fault,” she replied. “You never told me you were willing to pay for it.”

I knew my girlfriend was cheating on me.

She told me she was at the mall with her friend Carrie. Thing is, Carrie was sleeping right next to me!

My wife said, "You wouldn't think twice about cheating on me if Scarlett Johansson asked you."

"Actually I have," I replied, "and both times I ended up in a long shower."

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I think my girlfriend is cheating on me

I can't be sure, but her pussy tastes like dick.

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A man walks into a bar and sits next to a hitman who charges $10,000 a bullet

The man says "Aren't you the guy who charges 10k a bullet?" The hitman replies "Yeah, thats me." The man says "I have a job for you. I got 20k spare, and I found out my wife was cheating on me with my best friend. I want you to shoot my wife in the head, and my friend in the penis." The hitman accep...

I think my wife is cheating on me.

We moved from Paris to New York and somehow we still have the same gardener.

My wife was cheating on me with the painter.

I caught him red-handed.

My artist wife started cheating on me with a psychic...

She did say she wanted to experiment with a new medium.

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I thought my wife was cheating on me but it turns out she's just fucking crazy.

Yeah, apparently I have multiple personality disorder

I'm sure my girlfriend is cheating on me

Even the label in her underwear says Next!

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Help! I think my girlfriend is cheating on me.

Her kiss tasted like my best friend’s penis.

So, it turns out my girlfriend is cheating on me

I asked her what she was doing, she said she was in the mall with Becky.
I know that's a lie, because I'm lying right next to Becky in her bed

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MEN'S HELP LINE - Letter of the Month

Hi John,

I really need your advice on a serious problem: I have suspected for some time now that my wife has been cheating on me. The usual signs: if the phone rings and I answer, the caller hangs up; she goes out with the girls a lot. I try to stay awake to look out for her when she comes h...

My wife told me she was cheating on me with a man named Roy G Biv. I was so angry, I was seeing red

...and orange
and yellow
and green

A man finds out his wife is cheating on him...

So he walks into a bar.

The bartender asks "Why are you looking so blue?"

The man replies "I just found out my wife is cheating on me. I've decided I'm going to drink myself to death. I'll have some whiskey please."

The bartender looks shocked and says "I'm sorry, but I can't he...

I dated a blind girl once...

I thought she was cheating on me. What a relief it was to find out the truth! Turned out she wasn't seeing anybody.

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I suspected my wife might be cheating on me so I went to my psychic to find out

And there she was, licking that bitch's pussy.

I'm pretty sure my wife is cheating on me with our neighbor.

So I grabbed my shotgun, walked over to his house, and knocked really loud on his door. He opened the door asking why I had a shotgun in my hands. I handed it to him saying, "If you want my wife you can have her, but you're going to need to use some protection".

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At the Pearly Gates, St. Peter announces that due to overcrowding, only extremely gruesome deaths will be admitted into heaven today, sorry for any inconvenience.

The first man comes up and Pete says, "How did you die?"

"Well, I's been suspicious that me wife been cheating on me, so I comes home early from work today to catch her, I does. She acts all innocent, she does. She says, 'Go ahead, search the apartment if that will make you feel better,' she ...

I cannot stand the thought that my girlfriend is cheating on me with my best friend.

He's so cute.

"Bill, I'm beginning to think my wife might be cheating on me..."

"What makes you say that, Tim?"

"Well, you're standing naked in my closet..."

I once dated a skeleton. She ended up cheating on me and then tried lying about it.

But I saw right through her.

I was completely stunned to find out that my girlfriend is cheating on me with another man...

I didn't know she had it in her...

Two women who recently died were waiting at the Gates of Heaven

Woman 1: “So, how did you die?”

Woman 2: “I froze to death.”

Woman 1: “Wow, that must’ve been so painful. I’m so sorry.”

Woman 2: “It was, but after a while you go numb & don’t feel as much. How did you die?”

Woman 1: “Well, I thought my husband was cheating on me. So...

I could tell my girlfriend was cheating on me when she said she was at the mall with her BFF Jill

...when Jill was lying beside me this whole time. Smh

God notices heaven is getting a bit crowded

So he sits down with St Peter and says
“Look, too many people are getting in. As of tomorrow at 12pm, no one is getting in unless they’ve had a really bad day”

Peter nods, and the next day he sits down at the pearly gates when a man arrives

“Hi sir, welcome to heaven, hey new rules....

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A 12 year old boy goes in the confession box and says, "Forgive me father for I have sinned."

The priest replies angrily, "You better not be cheating on me, you little bastard"

Two women are talking in Heaven

One woman asked the other, "how did you die?" The woman replied, "I froze to death." She asked the same question to the other woman, she replied, "I suspected that my husband was cheating on me and looked everywhere in my house for evidence. I couldn't find anything and I dropped dead from exhaustio...

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Three men die and are standing in line at the pearly gates.

St. Peter tells them that the rules have changed, and they can only be let in to heaven now if they have had a really bad death. He then proceeds to get their stories one at a time.

The first man explains. "I live on the 25th floor of my apartment building. I came home from work early today, ...

Don't know if this is known but I wanted to share

The wife said: "hey I'm gonna be back in 2 hours max"

Husband: "are you cheating on me?"

Wife: "what?"

Husband: "say what you just said"

Wife: "I'm gonna be back in 2 hours max"

Husband: "Exactly, my name is John"

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Two blondes are in heaven...

One asks the other, "How did you die? "

"I froze to death, " says the second.

"That's awful, "says the first blonde. How does it feel to freeze to death? "

"It's very uncomfortable at first," says the second blonde. "You are very cold and eventually you're muscles get numb an...

Mexican word of the day: Chicken Finger

I caught my wife cheating on me, I don't need her no more, Chicken Finger herself

A blonde woman calls a divorce lawyer.

Lawyer: Why do you want a divorce?

Blonde: My husband's been cheating on me.

Lawyer: He's been cheating on you? What makes you say that?

Blonde: He isn't the father of my son.

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My wife told me she's having an affair

I said "well, actually I am too."

She said "it's with your best friend, John"

"THAT SONOFABITCH IS CHEATING ON ME!?"

My fortune teller told me that there is a man dating my girlfriend and that he is coming to kill me.

I was devastated to hear that she was cheating on me so I killed myself.

I heard the latest statistic that 1 in 3 people cheat on their significant others

that means either my wife or my girlfriend is cheating on me.

Hmm....

A woman is talking to her friend

“Men are horrible, all they do is love you then move on to the next one. My boyfriend is probably cheating on me right as we speak!”

“Which one?”

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