UPJOKE

Cat Sitting Jokes

A man and his wife retire after working at their respective jobs for 40+ years and settle on a nice ranch out in the country

The wife asks if she can adopt a cat since all of their kids have grown and moved on, so she was having some empty nest syndromes going on

The husband agrees and they adopt a cat from the local shelter

And this woman adored the cat, lavishing all kinds of love onto the animal

Un...

Steve sees an ad for hiring a music producer.

The ad reads: "MUSIC PRODUCER WANTED! Must be able to play piano, type 40 words a minute, and be bilingual. We are an equal opportunity employer!" So he decides to go apply for the job.

The hiring manager is pleased with his resume but says, "Well your resume looks good, but I have to admit S...

What do you call a cat sitting on the edge of a cliff?

A precipuss.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Playing Trucker

A little boy is sitting on the curb in front of his house. His mother is watching him from the house. As she watches him, he reaches in his pocket, takes out some M&Ms, eats them, grabs the cat sitting next to him and bites its ear. Then he stands up, slides down the curb a little, and sits down...

One day in October, Humpty Dumpty went to the clothes store...

He picks out a nice sweater, a couple pair of socks, a coat, etc. He pays for them and leaves. He heads out and goes to get groceries, and buys milk, eggs, tuna fish, matches, and a single pumpkin. On his way home now, he sees a stray cat in the cold. Feeling charitable, he offers it some tuna fish,...

iPhones map app has major problems

iPhone map app has a major problem. The voice directed me to "turn left then bear right" .... but it was really just a cat sitting there.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

There's a forest, and in this forest is a river and hovering above this river is a fly.

Looking at this fly is a fish and the fish is looking at this fly and is thinking: you know what, that fly drops six inches, I'm gonna go up there, get that fly and have myself a really nice meal.
What the fish didn't realize was that there was a bear looking at the fish looking at the fly. The b...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

3 Black Roosters are sitting on a fence

How many wings do they have?

How many Beaks do they have?

How many feet do they have?

There's a white cat sitting on the fence.

How many furs does it have?

How many Whiskers does it have?

How come you know sooo much about black cock and nothing about white p...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The fly and the pond.

There is a fly 6 inches above a pond, in that pond there is a fish, the fish is thinking "if that fly goes 6 inches lower i could eat it". There is a bear on the shore of the pond and is thinking "if that fly goes 6 inches lower the fish could get the fly and i could get the fish!" There is a hunter...

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.