UPJOKE

Fred was driving his truck when he got into a wreck with a car.

Fred was driving his truck when he got into a wreck with a car. The car was totaled. Fred was fine.


The next week, Fred was on his motorcycle when a car pulled out in front of him. The car was totaled. Fred was fine.


The next week, Fred was crossing the street when a car hi...

What do you call a Mexican who's car was stolen?

Carlos.

Dangerfield on Carson: : "One night my wife went out and her car was stolen"

"I asked her 'did you see what he looked like?' She said, 'no but I got the license plate number.'"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A police officer pulls a guy over for speeding and has the following exchange

:Officer: May I see your driver's license?

Driver: I don't have one. It was revoked when I got my 5th DWI.

Officer: May I see the registration for this vehicle?

Driver: It's not my car. I stole it. Officer: The car is stolen?

Driver: That's right. But come to think of...

My car was on E. So i went to the gas station and put $40 in the tank.

Now it’s on E+.

What happened when the first car was invented?

It was rev-olutionary

My kid asked me what that long car was.

I told him it was a limo, which is short for a limousine, but it’s long for a car.

Lost track of my work because I just heard my car was involved in a drive-by

My Focus is shot.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Cop: Sir, your car was swerving all over the road.

Me: Sorry, officer, I’ve had ten pints and feel very pissed.



Cop: That’s no excuse to let your wife drive!

They said my car was unsafe and I should stop driving it immediately.

Then again, bad brakes have never stopped me before....

My friend was telling me about how his Swedish car was totaled in an accident

I told him to spare me his Saab story.

Once upon a time my dad gave me some money and told me to pay our power bill. However, I didn't pay it and instead spent all the money on a raffle where a new car was the prize. The very next day there was a brand new car in front of our house.

The car belonged to the electricians who came to cut our power off.

John's car broke down in the middle of a quiet road at night.

He decided to hitchhike.

After waiting for a while, a car stopped next to him. He jumped aboard. The speed of the car was slow and steady.

Suddenly John noticed to his shock that the driver's seat was empty. No one was driving the car. John was not frightened by the speed of the car,...

My wife tried to kill herself last night. I heard noise coming from the garage in the middle of the night so I went to check it out. The car was running with the garage door closed, and she was in the driver's seat crying hard.

This is the last time I buy a Tesla.

I was in the middle of the road. Confused and thinking whether to cross or stay back while a car was coming towards me...

And then it hit me.

A drunk was walking down the street one night, when he goes up to a cop and says, “Officer, my car was stolen!”

The Cop asks “Ok, where did you last see you car?”

So the drunk says, “Right here at the end of this key”

The cop doesn’t want to deal with it so he says, “Ok sir, go down to the station and fill out the paperwork. But before you go, you should probably zip up your fly”

The drun...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My car was near totaled in a hit and run today

It's a good thing I was already texting so I got a picture of the fuckers plate

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