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What do all these Leonardo DiCaprio jokes have in common?

They’re all so childish..

Why did Leonardo DiCaprio laugh at the Oscar joke?

Because he finally got it

A bloke bumped in to me on the tube the other day and said, "Remember Leonardo Di Caprio."

Then the same fella followed me home from the pub and said, "Remember Leonardo Di Caprio."

Things then got out of hand when he tapped on my window at 11.30 that night and said, "Remember Leonardo Di Caprio."

I thought, "That's it, I'm going to the Police."

I told the officer I w...

George Clooney, Leonardo DiCaprio, and Matthew McConaughey decide to make a movie together.

George Clooney says, "I'll direct."

DiCaprio yells, "I'll produce!"

And Matthew McConaughey says, "I'll write, I'll write, I'll write."

Leonardo DiCaprio: "Hold my beer."

Leo's girlfriend: "But I'll get arrested."

Why is Leo DiCaprio soo good at Black Jack?

He always hits on teens and never goes over 21.

Leonardo DiCaprio has pledged to never watch the Titanic movie again ever..

Why you ask? Beacause it's turning 25 this year..

Me, explaining military time to DiCaprio:

“So it goes up to 24, and then it starts over again.”

“That’s perfect”

What does Leonardo DiCaprio call a 19 year old?

A long term relationship.

People care way too much about Leonardo DiCaprio’s dating habits.

The last time he dated a woman his age, she let him sink!

What’s the difference between Leonardo di Caprio and a calendar

Leo’s dates only go up to 25

What’s Leonardo DiCaprio’s least favorite kind of wine?

Aged.

Why does Leonardo DiCaprio like Covid?

19 and easy to spread

What do you call Leonardo DiCaprio and his fiance on their wedding day?

Bride and Groomer

The movie Titanic turns 25 later this year.

In related news, Leonardo DiCaprio said he is no longer interested in seeing it.

Matthew McConaughey, Leonardo DiCaprio and Brad Pitt decide to make a movie together.

Of course, they are going to need roles for each other, but none of them can decide what they want to do. They argue over this for hours, until Leonardo finally decides he wants to direct, since he is the best with cameras. Eventually, Brad Pitt decides he wants to produce, since he’s the one with t...

What's the difference between Sesame Street and Leonardo DiCaprio?

Sesame Street has an Oscar.

Bartender: this scotch is my favorite, it's aged twenty fi----

Leonardo DiCaprio: [spits it out]

My friend Oscar told a joke to Leo Di Caprio.

He didn't get it.

What's the similarity between DiCaprio and this decade?

Both will have dates in 20s.

I bet if Leornardo DiCaprio has a kid...

he names it Oscar so he can finally have one.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A black man finds the ID of Leonardo Di Caprio on the ground.

He takes it and goes away. Some days later he is stopped by the police while driving like crazy on a city road.
They ask him his ID and, to avoid unnecessary problems, he gives them the ID he found on the ground.
The officer looks at the ID and back to the man. He reads aloud: "Name: Leonard...

I want to be like Leonardo DiCaprio from Inception.

He has a dream job.

When I first meet someone I always want to talk about that movie with Kate Winslet and Leonardo DiCaprio...

but the Titanic is a terrible ice breaker.

Google anniversary

Today Google is 25 years old, which means that Leonardo DiCaprio won't use it anymore.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I had to tell my doctor something very embarrassing.

I took a deep breath and said, "Do you promise not to judge?"

He said, "Of course I won't judge."

"Ok," I hesitated, "So...I had to stop watching Titanic the other night after my butt plug got sucked up into my arse."

He winced and said, "How far in?"

I said, "The bit w...

What is the best age a woman can be dated?

26+ Cause then you don't have to worry about Leonardo DiCaprio stealing your girlfriend.

Quentin Tarantino has said his filmmaking career is over

Because now it's more than thirty years old, Leonardo DiCaprio isn't interested any more.

What's it called when you cut off Leonardo DiCaprio's head

DiCapritation

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Hall Pass

Guy comes into work one day sporting a huge black eye. His friends asked what happened? "I don't know" he replied. "I was siting on the couch with my wife watching Netflix and she snuggled up to me and asked if we could give each other a hall pass. I said what's that? And she said "You know, someone...

How was your job interview yesterday?

Well, I entered the office, found a man sitting on a large black leather chair with feet resting foron the table....

He pointed towards his laptop, asked me to take it and go outside, then come back and try to sell him the laptop...

He thought himself as actor Leonardo Di Caprio of "Th...

A joke from work

Four famous actors get together and decide to dress up as famous artists for Halloween.

Leonardo DiCaprio says he'll go as Da Vinci since they have the same first name.

Tom Cruise says he'll go as Van Gogh so they have two painters.

Bill Murray says he'll go as Beethoven since h...

What's the difference between Titanic and The Wolf Of Wall Street?

Leonardo DiCaprio's girlfriend was potty trained when The Wolf Of Wall Street came out.

A girl wants movie stars faces tattooed on her thighs

So she goes to a tattoo parlor and spends hours having Christain Bale’ face tattooed on her left inner thigh and Leonardo DiCaprio’s face tattooed on her right inner thigh.

When it’s finished, she is extremely disappointed with the results, saying neither face is an accurate depiction of who...

A man approached me on the train...

...and said "Remember Leonardo DiCaprio," and then ran away.

Later when I was grocery shopping, the same man came over to me and said "Remember Leonardo DiCaprio," and then ran away.

Then at night, when I was at a bar, the man came, said "Remember Leonardo diCaprio," and ran away.
<...

I really didn't enjoy my Hollywood Internship...

They made me follow Leonardo DiCaprio around for 6 hours carrying his water bottle which was exhausting.

They made me floss between Tom Cruise's toes which was humiliating.

But when they made me spank Dwayne Johnson...

That's when I knew I'd hit rock bottom.

(edit: no lon...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Son comes to dad and asks

Dad what is diference between potencionaly and realy. Dad says to ask his sister mother and brother if they would sleep with Leonardo di Caprio for milion of dolars.
Son comes back and dad asks him what they said.
Son says: "Sister said she would sleep with him even for free mother that yes an...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Black guy arrives at Heavens Gates...

The man is worried that due to his race, they might discriminate and not let him in. So when he walks up to the pearly gates he decides that at the very least, to better his chances to get in, he can change his name to that of a white person.

"Name?" asks St. Peter

The man searches for...

The Pope is giving a speech at Yankee Stadium...

He gets off his plane and hops immediately into the car with his driver in the front. The Pope looks at his watch and realizes how late he is.
"Hey, Mr. Driver, can you go a little faster, please?"
"I'm sorry your Holiness, I've been told to drive the limit for your safety."
"Oh for the lov...

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