Operator: Yes I understand you want to speak to anyone. You can speak to me.Who is this?
Caller : I'm Sam Wun. And I need to talk to Annie Wun! It's urgent.
Operator: I know you are someon...
Cheaper Pub in the World
Guy walks into a pub and asks the bar man for a pint;
"That will be $0.05 please sir".
"Wow, in that case I will have a shot of whisky too"
"Certainly, that will be $0.03 sir".
"Damnnn, OK and a packet of crisps".
"0.01 please sir, $0.08 all together".
...
A receptionist at a law office picks up the phone.
"Can I speak to Mr. Green please?" A little voice at the other end asks.
"Oh, I'm sorry," the receptionist says, "Mr. Green died last week."
"Thank you." The little voice then hangs up.
The next day, the phone rings again. The same little voice asks, "May I speak to Mr. Green, p...
This joke may contain profanity. 🤔
Kid failing English
A kid is failing English, and the teacher sends multiple notes home requesting to speak with his parents but doesn't get a response. One Saturday, the teacher decides to stop by the kid's house. When she knocks on the door, the kid answers.
Teacher: "Hi, Johnny, can I speak to your mother?"...
Happy Hour
A guy walks into a bar and asks the bartender how much for a cup of coffee. The bartender replies: "Two cents."
The guy thinks it's a joke and asks: "Ok, how much for a beer?"
Bartender replies: "Two cents."
The guy gets angry: "And the steak dinner? How much?"
Bartender ...
Concerned when one of his most reliable workers doesn't show up, the boss calls the employee's home.
The phone is answered by a giggling child.
"Is your dad home?" the boss asks.
"Yes."
"May I speak to him?"
"No."
"Well can I speak to your mom?"
"No, she's with the policeman."
Alarmed, the boss says, "Gosh. Well then, may I speak with the policeman?"...
A farmer walks up to the front door of a neighboring farmhouse.
He knocks on the door and a young boy, about ten years old, answers. "Good morning, sir," he says.
"Good morning," the farmer answers. "Can I speak to your father?"
"Sorry, but no," says the boy. "He and Ma went into town."
The farmer then asks, "Is your brother Jimmy here?"<...
An insurance-guy knocks on the door. 5-year old Timmy opens up.
Insurance-guy: Can i speak to your dad, please?
Timmy: No, he’s been killed by a tractor.
Insurance-guy: Oh. I’m so sorry. Can I speak to your mom then?
Timmy: No, she’s been killed by a tractor.
Insurance-guy: OMG that’s awful. Are at least your grandparents home, or a s...
I phoned the Drugs Awareness helpline today.
"Can I speak to the Cocaine Councillor please" I asked. "You'll have to wait" he replied,"he's on another line."
A man rang the Chinese restaurant to order some food...
"Can I speak to Ha-Fin?"
"No, Ha-Fin is out."
"Is that Ha-Fout?"
"No, Ha-Fout is not in."
"Well, who is that?"
"I'm Ha-Fup, the receptionist."
"Sorry, I'll call you back when you're not busy."
Once, a grandson was talking to his grandmother
He asked her, “Grandma, why don’t you have a boyfriend?” She replied, “Why, I like to think that my T.V. is my boyfriend. The T.V. gives me everything I want. It makes me happy, it entertains me, it does everything I want, so I like to think that it’s my boyfriend.” Just as she was saying this, the ...
Telemarketer
A telemarketer calls a house, and a little boy answers the phone.
"Hello, little boy, is your father home?"
"No.
"Well, is your mother home?"
"No."
"Well, is there anyone else here I can speak to about an incredible opportunity?"
"Um, my sister's here." <...
A guy is looking for a lawyer...
...so he calls a law firm called Schwartz, Schwartz, Schwartz & Schwartz.
"Hello, Schwartz, Schwartz, Schwartz & Schwartz, how can I help you?"
"I'd like to speak to Mr. Schwartz, please."
"Sorry, he's with a client."
"Alright, then let me speak to Mr. Schwartz."...
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