I can't remember how to write 1, 1000, 51, 6 and 500 in Roman numbers

IM LIVID

This joke's idea comes from somewhere I can't remember. I was watching MKay's or FakeJake's video (It was several days ago, and they both post videos reading reddit post.) and I come across the first half of my joke (It isn't a joke, the person was actually asking for the advice through messages.)

Person A: Bro, I need your advice. How do I kindly reject a person. Person B has confessed to me, and I'm not ready yet. He's interesting, but I don't want to date, yet. I told him to wait until tomorrow for my answer.

A's Bro: Tell him, "You and I are reading the same book. But, you are seve...

It's been 2 days and it's driving me crazy but I can't remember the name of those small blocks with which kids and adults build stuff.

My wife tells me to Lego of it but I can't.

I'm freshly amputated but can't remember the word for my condition

I'm stumped

The front page is filled with memes in reference to that guy being dragged off of a plane. I can't remember the last time the entire reddit user base was so...

... United.

Man: "Doctor, I think I have ADHD: I can't remember where I parked my Ford!"

Doctor: "That's not how ADHD works..."
Man: "But I keep losing my Focus!"

What does an Italian barista say when they can't remember the letter between N and P?

Affogato.

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I can't remember, is "buttcheeks" one word?

Or spread apart?

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My wife said she's leaving me because she can't remember the last time we had sex

I was so shocked I nearly dropped my rohypnol.

I went to the doctor because I can't remember any 80's music...

I asked him what's The Cure?

He said, oh no, its worse than I thought...

An old man has been standing in line at the pearly gates for so long, when he gets to the front, he can't remember his name for St. Peter to look up in the Big Book...

Peter doesn't know what to do, so he gets Jesus to help him figure it out.

Jesus says "Tell us about your life, maybe that will jog your memory."

The old man says "Well, I only had one child, a son."

Jesus smiles and says "Heh, I was an only child too. Go on."

The man say...

I can't remember where I lost my boomerang

Oh wait, I think it's coming back to me now.

If you can't remember the words to the Lion sleeps tonight...

It's just a whim away.

I had a great joke about boomerangs that I wanted to share but I can't remember all of it.

It'll come back to me.

One day, Rihanna has amnesia and can't remember anything. She's asked, "What do you think of Chris Brown?"

She replies: "Beats me".

What's the name of that addictive thing that affects my short-term memory? I use it all the time, but can't remember what's it's called...

*Googles* ... "Oh yeah! The internet!"

I can't remember what Pavlov was famous for!

But his name definitely rings a bell.

I've just been diagnosed with a rare form of amnesia where I can't remember a small amount of 80's music bands.

Unfortunately there is no cure.

That actress called Reese got stabbed the other day. I just can't remember her surname.

Witherspoon?

No with a knife.

A Silver sister can't remember your face

But a Silver Bromide

I can't remember the translation of German "wichtig."

I have a feeling it's important, though.

Strange that my kids can't remember to say the "please" word

but boy do they remember the word I used that one time in heavy traffic last year.

Someone told me a joke, but I can't remember the punchline.

A mortician friend told me a joke about a situation he encountered several years back, but I can't remember the punchline to save my life.

It was about this couple who got in an auto accident on their anniversary. The wife survived but the husband unfortunately died on impact.

The wif...

Can't remember this joke 100% about a farmer counting his cows.

It has something to do with counting the heads of all his cattle and then I think it ends in a really dry punch line. Any help?

EDIT* got it thanks to /u/noncharacteristic

"A farmer in the field with his cows counted 196 of them, but when he rounded them up he had 200."

Lincoln, Do the Thing!!! (4th of July Joke)

So, it's the 4th of July night and all the dead presidents are gathered around a campfire having a party. They're drinking and eating and just generally having a grand ol' time when President Washington puts President Lincoln on the spot.

W: "Hey, heyyyy, Lincoln, do that thing you do!
...

This old man approached me.

He said, "I planted some seeds somewhere and I can't remember what allotment."

"It's a synonym for 'many', but I can't help you with the first bit."

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Bookstore

A man goes into a book shop and asks the young female assistant,

"Do you have the new book out for men with short penises? I can't remember the title. "

She replies, "I'm not sure if it's in yet."

The man said, "Yes! That's the one! I'll take a copy, thanks!"

I Lost My Hat

One Sunday before a church service, a priest notices a man sitting in a pew who he has not seen in years.

The priest approaches and says, "Wow! I can't remember the last time I saw you here! What brings you here today?"

The man replies, "Good morning, father! Well you see, ten years ag...

Hannah and Max are talking during recess...

Max finds Hannah really pretty. Thinking he's old enough for a girlfriend, he decides to try to flirt with Hannah.

"I just remembered, I had a dream about you last night!", Max did not, in fact, have a dream about Hannah last night.

"Oh, really? Was it a nice dream?", says Hannah, clea...

What's that Italian dessert called where you pour espresso coffee over ice cream?

Everyone I ask can't remember either.

I really hate dementia

I can't remember why

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A British man, a Japanese man and an American man are kidnapped by cannibals...

The chief says to them: "First, you die. Then, we eat you. Then we make your skin into canoe. But you may choose how you die."


The British man says: "Gun."


The cannibals give him a gun that they took from a previous captive. The british man shouts "GOD SAVE THE QUEEN!" and ...

I'm constantly losing my jello

I mean I can't remember where I keep pudding it.

An old man: "Doctor, I am 80 years old and still chasing women".

Doctor: "That's wonderful!"

Old man: "But I can't remember why?"

"What's HCl?"

"uhhhh I can't remember. It's on the tip of my tongue!"

"SPIT IT OUT! It's Hydrochloric Acid!"

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My trip to Japan

I went to Japan as a little boy. I was like 10 but it was a blast for me and others. First memory was from the airport when a fat man cut us off in the line to the airplane, but he got dropped off the flight as he didn't have his ticket, or maybe he lost his passport... I am splitting atoms anyway s...

A man calls the National Security Agency...

Man: Hello, I heard you record all our phone conversations, is that correct?

Agent: No sir, we don't do that

Man: Oh shoot. I was just talking to my wife and she gave me a list of things to do and I can't remember! I thought I would check with you rather than call her back and let her ...

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to be read in the voice of george st. pierre (NSFW)

so there is this french canadian guy out in the bar, in alberta, he's having a few drinks he's buying rounds, having a real good time. he meets some girls, starts buying them drinks, and next thing you know he's out on the dance floor, making out and working that french pelvis of his, and with his ...

A waitress spots a dejected looking man staring at the menu...

Concerned, she approaches and asks if she can help.

Man: I'd like to order my late wife's usual meal but I can't remember it...

Waitress: I'm so sorry! Could you describe it to me? I'm sure we can figure out what her favorite was.

Man: No, it's fine. I'll just text her, she shou...

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Disney jokes

PINOCCHIO
Pinocchio had a human girlfriend who would sometimes complain about splinters when they were having sex. Pinocchio, therefore, went to visit Gepetto to see if he could help. Gepetto suggested he try a little sandpaper on his manhood and Pinocchio skipped away enlightened. A couple of we...

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I entered a gameshow to win a million dollars...

The gameshow required guessing the unknown using your five senses.

In round one, I stuck my hand into a covered box and guess what was inside by feel. Without hesitation I knew it was seaweed and tinfoil. I would know that feeling anywhere.

In round two, we were paired and had to guess...

DAD: I was just listening to the radio on my way in to town, apparently an actress just killed herself.

MOM: Oh my! Who!?


DAD: Uh, I can't remember... I think her name was Reese something?


MOM: WITHERSPOON!!!!!???????


DAD: No, it was with a knife...

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Two drunk girls stop to pee in a cemetery

Two drunk girls stopped to pee in a cemetery after a long night out drinking and partying.

The first girl squats down by the car and starts to pee. She then realizes she doesn't have anything to wipe with, so she takes her panties off and wipes herself, and throws them away.

The secon...

It only takes me one drink to get drunk.

The trouble is, I can't remember if it's the thirteenth or the fourteenth.

The media was quick to attack Trump's claim that "wind energy was killing all the birds", countering that cats kill way more birds than windmills...

I can't remember the last time I heard about a cat killing a windmill...

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When I was born, God told me I could choose between having a perfect memory or a huge dick.

I still can't remember which one I chose.

Two ladies had been friends for decades. Every day they sat together on a bench in the park and chatted.

One day, one lady told the other, "This is terribly embarrassing, but I hope you understand. You know how it is to be old. I keep forgetting things. I have to tell you, my dear friend, that I simply can't remember your name. Could you please tell me your name again?"

The other lady looked at ...

I've been suffering from amnesia...

or was it dyslexia?


All I know is that I can't remember it and I sure as hell can't spell it.

Bob and Rose are getting on in years, and their memories aren't what they used to be.

They make a visit to the doctor, who does a thorough check-up, before telling them that there's nothing to worry about, and that this is just a symptom of getting older.

"One thing you could try", the doc says, "is to write down the things you need to remember. Many of my patients say that he...

you walk into a bar, and you see a very, very, VERY dejected looking man sitting at the counter

"hey buddy, what're you here for?"


"to forget."


"Forget what?"


\[sips\] "I can't remember." \[passes out\]

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