UPJOKE

By Blow Jokes

I tried to rob a bank by blowing up the safe. Things were going well but there was just one problem.

I bought some cheap dynamite that was advertized as "The inexpensive explosives that won't break the bank."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A guy is flying in a hot air balloon and is lost

So he lowers himself over a field and shouts to a guy on the ground:

"Can you tell me where I am, and which way I'm headed?"

- "Sure! You're at 43 degrees, 12 minutes, 21.2 seconds north; 123 degrees, 8 minutes, 12.8 seconds west. You're at 212 meters above sea level. Right now, you'r...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Moby Dick and his girlfriend

Tilt a boat over by blowing on it, causing the sailors to fall overboard. When he suggest they eat the sailors, his girlfriend said.

'Look, I already helped you with the blowjob, but I am not going to swallow the seamen.'

A blonde goes to a mechanic to ask about fixing dents in her car

She asks the mechanic
"How can I fix the dents myself as I have no money to pay for the repairs."
The Mechanic being a funny guy responds
"Just blow into the exhaust pipe as hard as you can and the dents will disappear".
So the blonde goes home and starts blowing into the exhaust pipe....

Relationships should be like Nintendo 64 classic...

Fun to spend time with and every issue fixed by blowing and shoving it back in.

I'll never forget the moment when NASA accomplished every child's dream

...by blowing up a school teacher.

A blonde takes her car to the repair shop

One day after a huge hailstorm, a blonde took her car into the repair shop to fix all of the dents that the hailstorm had created. Upon arrival, the auto-repair men saw the extensive damage and did not want to repair the car regardless of the amount of money they would get. Seeing that she was blond...

A statistics professor is at the airport...

A stats professor drives to the airport, to catch a flight to his next conference. As he is going through security, TSA discovers a bomb in his carry-on-baggage. He is hauled off immediately for interrogation.

"I don't understand it!" the interrogating officer exclaims. "You're an accompl...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Blowjobs and Semen

So there's these two whales hanging in the ocean doin' whale stuff when one whale says to the other,
"Hey, wanna do something fun?"
"Uh, sure."
"Ok, I have an idea, you see that boat up there?"
"Yeah?"
"Wouldn't it be really really funny if we swim up to the boat and and knock it over...

A man is flying a hot air balloon and thinks he's lost...

so he gets closer to the ground and sees a man walking by. He calls down to him, "hey, do you know where I am?"

The man thinks for a second and says, "you're at exactly 58.2 degrees north by 48.7 degrees west, you're standing still now but your approach velocity was 5.1 m/s at an angle of 2....

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