UPJOKE

Busy Day Jokes

A guy sees a lamp, rubs it, and a Genie comes out. The genie is so happy that he decides to grant one wish. The guy thinks about it and says "I want to be a powerful man in the world, and have a beautiful wife"

The next morning the guy awake in a unfamiliar room, and a beautiful woman said to him

"Wake up John, it's a busy day, we have a car tour in Dallas"

A proctologist has a busy day

"I'm up to my elbows in prostate exams"

It's a very busy day in heaven, so God tells the angel at the gate to only allow people in who've had a terrible last day on earth.

The angel calls the first guy up, and asks him how his last day on earth was. "Horrible! My last day on earth was the worst in my life! I came home from work early, because I was suspecting that my wife was cheating on me, and when I went into my house I saw her naked in bed! I checked all the cupbo...

How did the ATM feel at the end of a busy day?

Withdrawn

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It's a busy day in Heaven....

So God figures he will let in the 3 next most pathetic deaths, and close up for the day. God asks the first guy "how did you die"?

Guy 1: Well, a co-worker told me my wife was cheating on me, so I left work early to catch her in the act. I got home to my 10th floor condo, burst through the do...

How much does it cost to ride The Smiler on a busy day?

An arm and a leg

It was Christmas Eve and my wife came home after a busy day of shopping...

As we were getting undressed for bed, I noticed a mark on the inside of her leg.

"What's that?" I asked.

"I went to a tattoo parlor today and on the inside of one leg, I had them tattoo 'Merry Christmas' and on the inside of the other one, they tattooed 'Happy New Year.'"

Perp...

After a busy day, when we get into bed we become bicycles.

Too tired.

It's a busy day at the gates of heaven...

... bombings, cancer, shark attacks—the line at the pearly gates is never short. Old St. Peter, fatigued by his endless service, decides to take the afternoon off for some well deserved R&R. However, after shooing the new arrivals off to limbo for the evening, three men remain in line to enter H...

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A priest needs to go to the bathroom, but it's a busy day so he asks an altar boy to work the confessional for a little while...

The priest tells the boy, "don't worry, all the sins and their punishments are listed inside on the wall."

So the altar boy goes in. The first confessor, a woman enters. "Bless me father for I have sinned: I gave my boyfriend a blowjob."

The altar boy is looking on the punishment sheet...

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It’s Friday the 13th, and St. Peter is having a busy day at the pearly gates...

…and needs to get creative to make sure he can make it through the backlog. So he decides that only people with really shocking deaths can get into Heaven today.

So the first guy in line comes to St. Peter’s desk, and when asked to describe his death, he says “Well I was a successful busines...

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A man is eating soup at a restaurant when he drops his spoon.

It was a particularly busy day, so the man thinks "Great, by the time I get another spoon, my soup will be cold." Nevertheless, he flags down his waiter and tells him that he dropped his spoon. The waiter says "Here ya go" and produces a spoon from his vest pocket. "Wow, that was convenient" the man...

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Ninety-five year old virgin

Ninety-five year old Caroline died a virgin. Her last request stated that her headstone should read: "Here lies Caroline, born a virgin, died a virgin" The stone-cutter had a busy day, and made a shorter version, reading: "Caroline, returned unopened"

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So why are you in prison? [long]

Well, after a long and hard 12 hour shift at work and an hour long commute I make it home. Obviously I’m not in the mood to cook and most everywhere is closed, so I decide to order a pizza.

I call up the local pizza place, put in an order for a large with everything on it, and I wait. I wait ...

My boss phoned me today...

My boss phoned me today. He said
"Is everything OK at the office?"
I said "It is all under control.
" It's been a very busy day. I haven't stopped to take
a break all day."
"Can you do me a favor" he asked.
I said "Of course, What is it?"
"Pick up the pace a little. I'm in the...

The Pope speeding.

The Pope was visiting the U.S. and had spent a busy day in D.C. addressing the U.S. Congress and meeting with top political and religious figures. Afterwards, his chauffeur took him for an evening tour of some of the city’s beautiful monuments. At the end of the evening the chauffeur asked the Pope ...

Noisy Mating

A veterinarian had a busy day at the clinic, but when he got home from tending to all the sick animals, his wife was waiting with a tall, cool drink and a romantic, candle-lit dinner, after which they had a few more drinks and went happily to bed. An hour later, the phone rang. "Is this the vet?" as...

3 Guys are waiting in line to enter heaven

Apparently it had been a pretty busy day, though, so St. Peter had to tell the first guy, "Heaven's getting pretty close to full today, and I've been asked to admit only people who have had particularly horrible deaths. So what's your story?"

The first man replies: "Well, for a while I've sus...

That's the 10th cavity search I've preformed on a minor just today!

Busy day for a dentist!

So a duck walks into a bank...

When he gets to the teller, he says "I'll have a cheeseburger, fries, and a shake."

The teller says "This is a bank. We don't serve food here." So he turns around and waddles out.

Next day he waits in line for the same teller. When he gets to the front, he says "I'll have a cheeseburge...

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