UPJOKE

Borrow Money Jokes

I let my blind friend borrow money

He said he was gonna pay me back the next time he saw me...

The relative who wanted to borrow money

A relative just called & asked if I would loan her $1300.00 to help pay her rent. Those who know me, know that I’m always willing to help out friends & family. I told her to give me some time to think about it & I would call her back. Before I called her back, her brother called & to...

A man who made tie-dyed shirts was trying to borrow money to expand his business.

While filling out the documents, he had a heart attack and collapsed, spilling bottles of dye all over his paperwork. The poor man dyed a loan.

Always borrow money from a pessimist.

He doesn't expect to be paid back.

How do Italian people ask to borrow money?

“Cannelloni?”

What kind of fish lets you borrow money?

A loan shark

Why is it difficult to borrow money from a leprechaun?

Because he’s always a little short.

John went to the local bank to borrow money for a new bull.

John went to the local bank to borrow money for a new bull. The loan was made and Banker Bill , who lent the money, came by a week later to see how the bull was doing. John complained that the bull just ate grass and wouldn't even look at a cow. The Banker suggested that he have a veterinarian take ...

What did Ken say to Ryu when he asked to borrow money?

*SUREYOUCAN!!!*

I was approved to borrow money, but then the bank found out I want to be a rapper with face tattoos

Now they won't post m'loan.

What do you call it when you borrow money from a pig?

A pork tender-loan

If you don’t want people to forget you then

Borrow money from them and don’t pay ‘em back immediately.

They’ll be calling you more often.

Want to Be Remembered By all After You Die??

Just Borrow money From all of your Relatives Before Dying.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A frog walks into a bank

He goes up to the teller, Patricia Black, and asks to borrow some money.

“I don’t have any info on you,” she says. I’m going to at least see some collateral before we can discuss giving you any money.”

“No problem,” says the frog, who pulls out a small statuette.

“What’s this? ...

Do you like my Russian leader puns?

Ivan practicing.

And if you need to borrow money I'll Lenin to you.

I'm getting old, The only way I can screw a woman...

Is to borrow money from her and not pay her back.

(Credit given to my friend. i'm not that clever.)

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Irish I could say I came up with these St. Patty's Day jokes

What do you get when you cross poison ivy with a four-leaf clover?
-A rash of good luck.

Why wasn't Jesus born in Ireland?
- He couldn't find 3 wise men or a virgin.

Why do people wear shamrocks on St. Patrick's Day?
-Regular rocks are too heavy.

How did the Irish ...

Just some funny one-liners

1. Ninety-nine percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.
2. Borrow money from a pessimist -- they don't expect it back.
3. Time is what keeps things from happening all at once.
4. Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math.
5. I didn't fight my way to the top of the food chain to ...

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A man dies and goes to hell

and this demon starts showing him around; you know, the pool, the hotel, whatever. They get to talking, and the demon asks:

Hey, do you like to drink?
The guy answers "Ya, I love drinking"

The demon replies: You're going to love mondays. On monday, we drink from morning to night. We...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Al the Irish jokes I've heard - Irish this sub a happy St. Patrick's Day!:

* What do you get when you cross a 4 leaf clover with poison ivy? A rash of good luck.
* What do you call a fake Irish stone? A shamrock.
* Why shouldn't you iron a 4-leaf clover? You'd be pressing your luck.
* What instrument did the diva musician play on St. Patrick's day? Brag-pipes....

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