UPJOKE

Book On Jokes

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Guy walks into a library and asks the librarian for a book on committing suicide

She responds "fuck off, you won't bring it back"

I'm writing a book on how tornados and hurricanes develop....

At the moment it's just a draft.

A girl came into my bookstore and asked "What are the chances you have a book on curing eating disorders with religion?"

Slim to Nun?

"A man walks into a library and asks the librarian for a book on Pavlov's dog and Schrödinger's cat."

"The librarian says, 'It rings a bell but I'm not sure if it's here or not!'"

I’m reading a book on Stockholm Syndrome

I didn’t like it at first, but it’s growing on me.

I just finished writing my book on penguins.

My publisher said it would've been better if I'd written it on paper.

I've been reading a book on euthanasia...

It's so good I can't put it down.

I'm writing a book on reverse psychology.

Please don't buy it.

I have just written a book on how to fall down a staircase.

It's a step by step guide.

A guy walking to library and asks for a book on sea turtles.

The librarian asks "hard back?"

The guy replies "yeah little heads too."

Don't give me excuses, I wrote the book on excuses!

Well, I started to, I mean, Its hard, and I got a lot to do...

My book on clocks finally arrived.

It's about time.

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Hi everyone, I’m selling my new book on reverse psychology.

It’s fucking terrible.

I recently read a book on 'Stockholm Syndrome'

I hated it as first, but by the end, I really loved it

My neighbour just finished writing a book on "How to make money."

Now he needs money to publish it.
I told him to read the book

"I'd like this book on revenge please"

Cashier: "You'll pay for that."

After years I finally finished my book on herbology!

It was about thyme!

I popped into Waterstones yesterday and asked for a book on Turtles.

'Hardback?'

'Yes, with little legs and a head'.

I went to the library to check out a medical book on abdominal pain

but when I got it home, I found that someone had ripped out the appendix.

Did you hear about Marie Kondo’s latest book on organizing closets?

It’s called Hanger Management

I just published my first book on Poltergeists....

Copies were flying off the shelves.....

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Muslim book store in New York: A man asks if they have the latest Donald Trump book on immigration.

"Fuck off, get out and don't come back" says the store owner.

"That's the one!" says the man

Mike Tyson has written a book on Ethics in Massachusetts

If it's a success, he's going to write books on the other counties.

I was reading a book on anti gravity last night.

I found it quite difficult to put down.

Last week, I loaned my toddler's nanny a book on entrepreneurship.

Today, I found pinholes poked in all my condoms.

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I’m writing a book on losing your virginity

It’s important to put it in the first person

I saw a book on obedience training for cats…

It was in the fairy-tails section.

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A Republican walks into a college bookstore and asks the proprietor, "I'm looking for Trump's new book on illegal immigration?"

The owner says "GET THE FUCK OUT!"

The Republican responds "Yeah! That's the one!"

I bought a book on "How to Stop Procrastinating".

I'll read it later.

I bought a book on the sunk cost fallacy.

It's not very good but I'm halfway through, so I thought I might as well finish it.

Jimmy Carr says this is the oldest joke he found for a book on humor

A man sits down in the barbers chair, the barber says "how would you like your hair cut?" the man says "in silence"

I found a book on how to avoid procrastination...

I think I'll read it tomorrow

I saw a book on Amazon, “How to reduce your life’s problems by 50%.”

Naturally I ordered two copies.

I went to the bookstore to find a book on how to practice abstinence, but I had no idea where to look, so I asked the clerk.

She recommended I look on the non-friction shelves.

Someone gave me a book on anger Management

I lost it

I went to the library to ask for a book on Tortoises.

The clerk asked, "Hardback?"
"Yes" I said "and leathery legs and a stumpy tail".

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Franz was reading his book on death row...

It was the ‘storm of the century’. On death row, Franz was reading his religious texts, looking for God, even as the inmates of the neighbouring cells were having an explosive argument about who should get to shower first. ’14 days to execution’, Franz thought, as he physically and mentally trembled...

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A man walks into a library, asks the librarian, "Do you have the new book on living life with a small penis?" She searches her computer and says,

"I Don't See Anything, I Don't Think Its In Yet."

The man says, "Yes, that's the one!"

A friend of mine is writing a book on Californian sea lions.

I assured him that paper would be much easier.

I was reading a book on cocaine addiction the other day

After the first few lines I was hooked.

I once read a book on how the Titanic was built

It was riveting

I bought a book on eBay called "How to Scam on eBay".

It still hasn't arrived.

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I wrote a book on basements . . .

It's on the Best Cellars list

What author could write the best book on extracting mercury from the earth?

Hg Wells

I bought a book on feng shui.

I read it, but now I don't know where to put it.

My co-worker was reading a book on her tea break.

I asked her what it was and she said "It's *The Exorcist*. It's the most evil book I've ever read, it's really getting to me."

At the start of her lunch break she said "Right, I'm getting rid of this horrible thing!". I watched out of the window as she walked by the river and threw the book i...

I bought my wife a book on Mindfulness...

... but she didn't appreciate the present.

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Last night I was reading "A Christmas Carol" to my kids when I dropped the book on my foot.

It hurt like the Dickens!

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I've been reading a very brief book on the history of Japanese warrior traditions.

It been heavily Samuraised.

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Someone wrote a book on clock fetishes.

It's about fucking time.

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My book on herbal erotica finally arrived today.

It’s about fucking thyme.

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I just borrowed a book on surgery from my local library.

Some tosser has taken the appendix out.

I want to write a book on Humility

I am sure it will be a best seller

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