UPJOKE

Bo Burnham Jokes

It is unfair how for every $1 a man makes, a woman makes $0.78...

Because then the man is left with only $0.22...


EDIT: Wow, this blew up on my way home.

Yes, this joke is from Bo Burnham as others have so nicely pointed out. Check out his work; he is a comedic genius.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My aunt's star sign was cancer, pretty ironic how she died

She was eaten by a giant crab

(Bo Burnham) I got my girlfriend pregnant

On a pullout couch

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A very interesting statistic about the penis from comedian Bo Burnham

The average penis length is 5 and half inches and the average penis length of a man who google average penis length is 3 and half inches.

What are your best "If I had ____ for every time..." jokes?

Two of my favorites are:

1. "If I had a dollar for every existentialist moment I've ever had...Does money even matter?" - Can't remember the comedian.
2. "If I had a quarter every time a hobo asked me for spare change, I'd still say no" - Bo Burnham

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I masturbated in front of my pastor on the elevator…

It was wrong on so many levels

(Inspired by Bo Burnham)

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I haven't made up my mind around masturbation

Cuz on one hand it feels good.

-Bo Burnham

Glass houses

People who live in glass houses should not throw stones..... or mastubate in daytime.

Paraphrased from Bo Burnham. Credit where it's due.

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I masterbate because

I'm the only one with standards low enough to fuck me.

- Bo Burnham

What do you call someone with no arms, no legs and an eyepatch?

Names.




All credit to Bo Burnham for this one.

[NSFW] Women are like squaring numbers...

... If they're under 13 you do them in your head
(Credit to bo burnham)

Tip: if you don't want comedians weighing in on politics....

...don't elect a joke.

(Credit to Bo Burnham)

Who's a great YouTuber, but a terrible cook?

Bo Burnham.

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Beauty, self image and the ability to transform.

Martha was ugly like a shaven baboon,

So she wrapped herself up in a curtain cocoon.

After a week she finally emerged,

She smelled like shit what a psycho.

>Credits to Bo Burnham

If I had a dime for every time a homeless person asked for money, I'd still say no.

- Bo Burnham.

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