UPJOKE

Blue Pill Jokes

A rich guy visits a doctor for a little blue pill

The doctor gives him a sample to try out. He tells him to take it now and by the time you get home it should be working.

20 minutes later the guy calls the doctor to tell him his wife isn't home but the maid is there.

Doctor says, well... try it out with the maid.

Patient rep...

My co-worker takes a small blue pill with his coffee every day at 8am

He's likes to work hard in the mornings

What's the difference between the red pill and the blue pill?

The blue pill makes you harder.

Neo probably should have taken the blue pill

Ask Hugh Hefner.

A grandfather asks his grandchild to bring him the blue pill and he would put 50€ in his wallet

The grandchild after searching for that blue pill in the whole neighborhood, finally finds it and gives it to his grandfather

Next morning he wakes up and finds 350€ in his wallet instead of 50€

Being confused about that goes to his grandfather and explains him what happened

The...

What do canes and blue pills have in common?

They're both ready for use when a man is limp.

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NSFW (Joke Translated from Arabic) A man goes to the pharmacy for Viagra...

He askes the pharmacist if the viagra really works and will make him last long?

The pharmacist says "yes! And now the box is on sale for $15.00!"

The man says "I only have a $20.00, can you make change?"

The pharmacist does not have change. So the man takes his little blue pill...

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Kid sees their grandma taking pills and asks...

"Grandma, why do you need to take all those pills?"

"Well, Grandma needs to take the green medicine for her headaches, but the green pills give her diarrhea. So grandma needs to take the yellow pills for the diarrhea but those pills always make grandma very depressed. Because of her depress...

A man went to his doctor and told him that he hasn’t been feeling well lately.

The doctor examined the man, left the room, and came back with three different bottles of pills. The doctor said, “Take the green pill with a big glass of water when you wake up. Take the blue pill with a big glass of water after you eat lunch. Then just before going to bed, take the red pill wi...

Pharmacy inquiry

A woman walks into her local pharmacy and approaches the pharmacist and tells him she wants to know more about 'the little blue pill'



Woman: "does it work?"

Pharmacist: "yes"

Woman:"is it expensive?"



Pharmacist: "a little"

Woman: "can you get it ove...

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A man goes to visit his elderly father in a nursing home.

He's running late, so arrives later than normal. The nurse on duty tells him visiting hours are nearly over but he can sit with his father while she gives him his medication. He agrees and the nurse comes back a few minutes later with a glass of water and three pills. The man eyes the pills curiousl...

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I recorded my baby's first cry and put it in Google Translate

It read:
"Oh fuck, I should have taken the blue pill."

I don't know why people doubt the Pfizer vaccine...

...their magic blue pills work!

...so I've heard...

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A guy goes to a female dentist to have a tooth extracted. She pulled out a large syringe to give an anesthetic shot.

"No way, no needles! I hate needles!" the man exclaimed.
So she started to hook up the nitrous oxide tank, and the man said, "I can't do the gas thing. Just the thought of having a mask on my face suffocates me!"
The dentist then asked the patient if he had any objections to taking a pill....

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A man is at the dentist for a root canal.

The dentist, picking up a syringe, moved toward the patient.

“WHOAAA! What’s that for?” Asked the patient

“Well, this injection will numb the area around your tooth and keep you from feeling pain during the procedure” explained the dentist.

“No way! I am deathly afraid of needl...

Whater jokes?

Man goes to a doctor cuz he’s felt ill for days. The doctor gives him a bunch of pills.

The doctor says: “Take the green pill with one glass of water in the morning. An hour later, take the white pill with another glass of water. Take the blue pill with a big glass of water before lunch, afte...

An elderly lady went to the doctor to discuss her stubborn husband's erectile dysfunction

Upon explaining the situation to the doctor, he told her to take these little blue pills, slip one in his coffee, and he would be good to go in no time. So later that day, the elderly lady and her husband are having coffee and she slips a pill into his without him noticing. Shortly after, he picks u...

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A man goes to the dentist...

A man went to the dentist to have a tooth extracted.
The dentist gets him seated and says " Ok, just a little novocaine and we can get started.
The man says " Oh doc, I'm not so great with needles, I can't do that..."
"Ok, how about a mask? Can I use that to put you under?"
"No D...

We all know that Trump can't read

That's why he thought his blue pills would give him a better election.

The Middle Aged Magician

There's this middle aged magician in Vegas who has this really big show he's nervous for. He hits it off with one of the showgirls and she says she come by before the show to help ease his nerves. So he prepares by taking his magic blue pill. Unfortunately, she never shows up and it's time for him t...

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An elderly couple

A sweet elderly couple show up at the doctor’s office. The doctor asks, “What can I do for you?” After a minute of shyly staring down at his shoes, the husband looks up with an embarrassed expression and says, “I can’t seem to get an erection.”

The doctor says, “I’m going to give you some blu...

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A chap goes to the doctor about his erectile disfunction

A chap goes to the doctor about his erection, and the kindly doctor prescribes him some Viagra. He explains to him that he needs to take it an hour before the act, so the next night the chap gets home early and prepares a romantic dinner for his wife.

He then calls her in the office where she...

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An elderly woman felt like she and her husband were losing touch, so she convinced him to go to couple therapy with her.

While sitting through the normal "how does that make you feel" questions, the therapist asks about their sex life. The woman speaks up first and mentions how he never wants to have sex anymore and it makes her feel upset. The man, who was already flustered, got embarrassed, and stormed out, refusing...

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A magician had a residency in Vegas for 50 years.

Apart from being a very good magician specializing in slight of hand and “look over there while I do this over here” type tricks, he was also known for being a womanizer who was exceptionally good at getting women to leave after he was finished with them. Every time he would finish a performance, he...

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Old farmers joke I learned when I was little.

Farmer John was a quiet little farmer, living on his farm with his wife and his tiny flock of sheep that only counted 8 female sheep´s and one ram.

One fall something horrible happened, he lost his ram. And since the closest sheep farmer was over 9 hour drive one way, he ran to his neighbor t...

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