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Bloody Good Jokes

The school phoned me today and said, "Your son's has been telling lies." I said,

"Tell him, he's bloody good. I don't have any kids”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A bloody good time

3 vampires are having a competition to prove who's the most vicious vampire among them.
The strongest one started first.

"Watch this."

He flew very fast, about 100 miles/hour. After only 10 minutes, he comes back with blood all over his mouth.

"What happened?" they asked.
...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Son: "What's that Daddy?" (*pointing at Mummy getting out of the shower*)...

Daddy: "That's where mummy was hit by an axe, that's her axe wound."

Son: "Wow, bloody good shot, got her right in the cunt."

It had to be Australia

A gecko lizard is walking through the Australian bush, heading toward the river for a drink.

On his walk he comes across a koala sitting in a gum tree, smoking a joint and stops for a chat.

"Gidday, mate. What are you doing?"

The koala replies, "Smoking a joint, come up and join...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My girlfriend will only have sex with me once a month.

And let me tell you, it’s a bloody good time.

What's the difference between a tyre and 365 condoms?

One is a goodyear and the other is bloody good year...

I met Dracula at the pub an hour ago.

He was having a bloody good time.

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I’m on my period, but my boyfriend said we can still have sex

Someone is gonna have a bloody good time tonight!

Why do you never see elephants hiding up trees?

Because they’re bloody good at it.

Have you ever seen an elephant hiding in a tree?

Bloody good aren't they

You see that movie about Queen Victoria's first menstrual cycle?

I thought it was bloody good and I normally don't care for period dramas.

What quality was the wine that Jesus made ?

Bloody good.

I feel so bad for my friend.

He spent years of training in the medical field. Spent thousands on putting himself through University, making sure he was the best he could be. This week he struck off for sleeping with one of his patients, they had known each other for a couple of years prior to this.

It makes me so mad bec...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

3 men shipwrecked on desert island

(Beer garden banter joke. Works best when you use yourself and people you know as the protagonists, just replace names and choose the butt of the joke)

3 men get shipwrecked on a desert island.
Their boat ruined they head in-land to find salvation, when out of the trees lunges a huge 7 fo...

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