UPJOKE

Blonde Girl Jokes

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Guy says to a Blonde girl.

I bet I can guess when you were born just by fondling your tits,

no way says the Blonde, go on then, so 20 minutes later the

Blonde says OK when was I born?

Guy says: Yesterday.

Last year a guy took his Blonde girl friend to the Superbowl

They had great seats right behind their team's bench.

After the game, he asked her how she liked it.

"Oh, I really liked it," she replied, "especially the

tight pants and all the big muscles, but I just couldn't

understand why they were killing each other over 25 cents."<...

A blonde girl sets out to prove blonde aren’t dumb

A blonde girl rents out a stadium and invites as many blondes as she can and sure enough 80,000 blondes fill the stadium and she films it all on live television. She invites a little 4 year old girl out in front of everyone and asks her “what’s 2+2?” The little girl shivers and squeaks out “T-three?...

A blonde girl excitedly arrives home from school.

“Mommy Mommy, all the other kids can only count to 4, but I counted all the way to 10! Is it because I'm blonde Mommy?”

“Yes dear, it’s because you’re blonde.”

The girl returns home the following day even more ecstatic.

“Mommy mommy! When we dressed for gym class, all the oth...

A blonde girl...

...wants to know what life is like as a brunette girl, so she goes to the hairdresser and has her hair died brown.

Eager to show the world her newly acquired intelligence, she goes on a walk and meets a shepherd. She walks towards him and says:

"if i can guess how many sheep you have...

What do you call a blonde girl that dyes her hair dark

Artificial intelligence

A young blonde girl in her late teens, wanting to earn some extra money for the summer, decided to hire herself out as a "handy woman" and started canvassing a nearby well-to-do neighborhood.

She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had
any odd jobs for her to do. "Well, I guess I could use somebody to paint the
porch" he said. "How much will you charge me?"


Delighted, the girl quickly responded,
"How about $50?"

...

A blonde girl called Jenny came skipping home after school.

"Mommy mommy! Today in school, everyone else only counted to 5, but I counted to 10!"

The mom replies, "That's great honey!"

Jenny then asks, "Is it because I'm blonde?"

"Yes sweetie" says the mom.

The next day, Jenny comes home skipping and calling out "Mommy mommy! To...

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Blonde girl.

I said to a blonde girl, I bet you a blowjob I can sing a song with your name in it, no way says the blonde, my name is Chantelle, so I bet you, Ok I said here we go....

Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you, happy birthday dear Chantelle happy blow job for me...

An old, blind Marine wanders into an all-girl biker bar by mistake.

He finds his way to a bar stool and orders a shot of Jack Daniels.
After sitting there for a while, he yells to the bartender, 'Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?'
The bar immediately falls absolutely silent.
In a very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says,
'Before you tell that ...

A blonde girl decides to do a puzzle.....

...so she grabs the puzzle and pours out all the pieces and tries to put it together. After a while she gets frustrated and calls her boyfriend. He asks her what is wrong and she tells him about the trouble she is having with the puzzle. He tells her to look at the picture on the front and tell him ...

A blonde girl buys a thermos.

She brings it to work and shows it off to all her friends. Friend: "What does it do?" Blonde: "It keeps hot things hot, and cold things cold." Friend: "What do you have in it right now?" Blonde: "A cup of coffee and two Popsicles!"

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A little blonde girl comes back from school one evening...

She runs to her mum and says:

"Mummy today at school we learnt how to count. all the other girls only counted to 5, but listen to me: 1 ,2 ,3 ,4 ,5 ,6 ,7 ,8 ,9 ,10! I'm smart aren't I?"

"Yes, darling, very good." Answers the mom.

"Is that because I'm blonde?" she asks.
...

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A guy picks up a beautiful blonde girl and takes her back to his place...

They have wild passionate sex and lay there panting when it's all over. All of a sudden, she sits up all scared.

"Wait! We should have used a condom! You don't have AIDS, do you!?"

The guy says, "No. I'm clean."

"Whew," the blonde girl says. "Good thing. I sure wouldn't want to ...

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A blonde girl in second grade comes home one day really excited with a large grin on her face,

Running to her mother she says, "Mom!! mom! Today the teacher asked what letter comes after S, and i was the first in class to say T! Is it because I'm smarter?" Her mom sighs, "Yes honey."

The very next day she runs home from school and with a large proud smile on her face she tells her moth...

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3 blondes are walking in the woods.

3 blonde girls are walking in the woods when they stumble across a set of tracks, the first girl having went to a zoo last week claims that the tracks are deer tracks, the second blonde laughs,

"Caitlyn you dumb bitch those are bear tracks!"

The third blonde chimes in,

"Oh my go...

A college professor asks all of his students to yell out stereotypes for a class project

For a class project, a college professor asks all of his students to brainstorm and yell out different kinds of stereotypes.

"All blonde girls are dumb!" yells a boy in the back.

"Sony!" Yells the blonde girl in the front.

Two blonde girls are standing, one on each side of a river.

One of the blondes yells over to the other one, “How do I come about getting to the other side of the river?”.

The other blonde angrily yells back, “You see, it’s blondes like you that make blondes like me look bad. You ARE on the other side of the river.”

A blonde girl is tired of people making dumb blonde jokes...

So she decides to gather a stadium full of blondes to prove that not all blondes are dumb. She picks one woman from the crowd and asks her,

"What is the square root of 144?"

The woman thinks long and hard and answers, "Uhmmm, 7?"

The stadium starts chanting, "one more try!...

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A blonde girl gets pulled over by a blonde police officer for speeding...

The Police officer asks for a drivers license & the blonde starts going through her bag looking for it.

She's getting increasingly frustrated as she looks for the drivers license & asks the police officer for assistance.

The blonde asks: "I'm having trouble finding it... Can y...

A blonde girl enters a store that sells curtains.

She tells the salesman:

"I would like to buy a pink curtain in the size of my
computer screen".

The surprised salesman replies:

"But madam, computers do not have curtains...".

And the blonde said:

"Helloooo.... I've got Windows!!!"

Where are we?

Not mine:

Two tourists were driving through Wisconsin. As they were approaching Oconomowoc, they started arguing about the pronunciation of the town's name. They argued back and forth until they stopped for lunch. As they stood at the counter, one tourist asked the blonde employee. "Before w...

A guys says to a blonde girl, "Tell me you're blonde without telling ne you're blonde."

"I'm blonde"

A blonde girl goes to an appliance store

She spots the t.v. she's been saving up for, picks it up and goes to the cashier
The cashier says "Sorry ma'am, we don't serve blondes"
Disgruntled she goes back home and dyes her hair black.

The next day she goes into the appliance store, picks out the same t.v. and once again goes to...

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Two Blonde Girls chatting.

Blonde 1: I understand how you get Bob from Robert


& Bill from William, but how do you get Dick from Richard?


Blonde 2: Show him your Pussy.....

A group of blonde girls overhear a guy saying that all blondes are dumb

So one of the girls says: "no we're not, we'll prove it!"

The guy: "Ok what's 3 + 2?"

One of the blondes: "7"

After a short silence the rest of the blondes start asking for a second chance.

The guy: "ok you get a second chance, what's 2+4?"

One of the blondes: "6"<...

A Blonde girl is going door to door trying to earn money for college.

She comes to one guy's house and rings the doorbell.

"Yes?" the man answers.

"Hi there!" greets the blonde happily. "I'm trying to earn money for college. Do you have any jobs around the house you need done?"

The guy smiles. "Sorry, sweetheart, not really. I was gonna paint th...

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3 guys have a sleep over

3 guys have a sleep over after watching a scary movie, they all decide to stay in the same bed. The next morning the guy on the left says " last night i had the best dream a beautiful blonde girl was wanking me off " The guy on the right says " That's strange I had a similar dream except the girl wa...

Blonde schoolgirl

Jenny, a blonde girl came skipping home from school one day.

"Mommy, Mommy," she yelled, "we were counting today, and all the other kids could only count to four, but I counted to 10. See? 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10!"

"Very good," said her mother.

"Is it because I'm blonde?" ...

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My wife came home to find me in bed with a young, attractive blonde girl

She said "what the fuck are you doing?"
I replied, "we're practicing our golf swings"
"That's a stupid answer!".....I said, "well, that was a stupid fucking question"

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Why do blonde girls have bruises around their belly buttons?

Because blonde guys are stupid too.

NSFW What’s the difference between a blond guy and a blonde girl?

The blonde girl has a higher sperm count.

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[Long] Blonde girl comes home from school

A blonde girl comes home from school today and tells her mother that she was the only one in class to be able to recite the alphabet as far as the letter 'Q'. Her mother smiles and says, ' Well, that's because you're blonde'. The girl continues and tells her that in Math class, she was the only one ...

Why shouldn’t you tell a funny joke to a group of 5 blonde girls?

Because you’ll have to explain it 5 times

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Blonde girl painting her lounge.

Her friend walks in and can't believe how well she is doing, but she is sweating buckets, Friend says to her why are you wearing a leather jacket and a Parker!?

Blonde says "helloooooooo" read the fucking tin, it says, for best results put two coats on.

A blonde girl is walking and sees a brunette down by the train tracks

The brunette is jumping on and off the tracks. As she jumps she says, “21 21 21 21”.

The blonde girl asks her what she’s doing.

The brunette says, “oh it’s fun join me.” The blonde says, “OK” and starts jumping.

As they jump they say, “21 21 21 21.” The blonde notices that a...

3 blonde girls is at the side of a river

And they're trying to get to the village on the other side

1 blond girl ask god to make her smart,so god turn her into a brunette and she swims across the river

the other girl ask god to make her smarter than the girl that just swam,so god make her into a redhead and she built a raft a...

Two blonde girls were having breakfast.

One of them said "Yesterday I slept with two Brazilian guys!"



The other said "Wow, I don't even think I've seen that many guys!"

A blonde girl finds a genie lamp in the desert

Not knowing how to use it, She comes back from her trip still with the genie lamp not used and goes straight to her best friend to ask her how to make a genie come. So her friend tells her to grab on to the lamp and start rubbing it as fast as she can
So she grabs on tight, starts rubbing the la...

What do you get if you turn a blonde girl upside down?

A brunette with bad breath.

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A blonde girl is making out with her boyfriend...

...after a while she backs off and says "I have a great idea! Why don't we play hide and seek?"

Her boyfriend shrugs. "Sounds a bit childish. Why would we do that?"

She says "Because, if you find me...I'll give you a blowjob."

"And what if I can't find you?"

"Oh, I'll be ...

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Blonde girl in a car crash.

Says to the paramedic, I think I have concussion! Paramedic asks,

"How many fingers have I got up?" Blonde replies,

"Oh god my Pussy's paralysed too!"

A blonde girl is taking driving lessons...

Instructor: Your husband and your son pop up right in front of your car as you are driving. What object do you hit first?

Blonde: My husband, of course!

Instructor: For the fourth time, you hit the brakes!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why did the blonde girl have sex with a Mexican?

Because the teacher told her to go home and do an essay.

One time I took a blonde girl to the movies...

We bought our tickets and waited in line for snacks. I got popcorn; she got M&M's. We got a drink to split.

We sat down during the previews. I started eating my popcorn and she opened her M&M's and dumped them all out in her lap. She carefully separated them all by color, took all the...

So a blonde girl takes her goldfish to the vet...

...and she says to the veterinarian, "Hey, I think my goldfish has epilepsy; it has these awful seizures!"

The veterinarian takes one look at the fish and replies, "Well, it looks alright to me."

The blonde replies angrily, "Well Jesus, let me get it out of the bowl first!"

A blonde girl is in the woods...

She realizes she is lost and tries to make a fire. She fails and lies on the ground in defeat, crying.

But then her husband walks outside and tells her to come back inside.

Two blonde girls at a traffic light

They stop at red:

-Look at that red color!

-Wow, it's beautiful.

-And the yellow!

-Such brightness!

-And the green!

-Much nature!

-Oh, it's red again, we saw it already. Let's go.

A smart scientist amd a blonde girl sit down on a plane.

A very smart man boards a plane and sits down.
A blond girl sits next to him.

He is bored so he says to her

"Let's play a game, I give you a riddle if you cannot find the answer you pay me 5 dollars. If you answer it though you give me a riddle and I don't answer it I'll give you 30...

A nun, a blonde girl, a German and a Dutch sit together in a train compartment.

The train goes through a tunnel, it gets dark. A loud slap can be heard, an outcry follows it. As the darkness fades a big red mark can be seen on the Dutch guys face.

The Dutch thinks to himself "The German guy must have tried to grope the blonde, but she mistook us in the dark and hit me i...

Blonde.

A Blonde girl was pulled over by a police officer.

He said to the blonde, I have pulled you over in a 30 mile per hour zone for doing 50 miles per hour.

Blonde says, that's impossible I haven't even been out an hour..

What do you call a blonde girl that is not a natural blonde?

An airplane blonde!

Why? Because she has a black box!

A blonde girl walks into a library and loudly exclaims, "I'll have a cheeseburger with fries"

The librarian stares at her questioningly and says, "Madam, this is a library."

The blonde turns red with embarrassment and apologizes.

She leans in and whispers, "I'll have a cheeseburger and fries."

A blonde girl, Debby, drives behind a truck in her car

She notices that the truck is losing its load, so when both the truck and her car come to a stop at a traffic light, Debby steps out and goes to tell the driver that he is losing his load. She stands next to the drivers door, and says: "Hello Sir, my name is Debby and you're losing your load." But t...

A blonde girl asked her boyfriend...

... If he knows how to repair laptops, he said yes and asked her what brand laptop she has, she said that it's a dy brand, he told that he never heard of the brand and asked her to send a picture of the laptop, she took the picture and sent it to him, he looked at it and he realised that was an upsi...

A hot blonde girl walks up to a guy at the bar . . .

she says "Hey there gorgeous what are you drinking?"

He said"This? This is magic beer"

What do you mean magic beer?

Have a look at this - he takes a large gulp, walks up to a concrete wall and punches a hole in it

That's amazing said the girl, what else can it do?
...

Three blondes girls were walking in the woods and came upon tracks.

Three blonde girls were walking in the woods and came upon tracks. Intrigued, they go to investigate.

The first one says: “I’m pretty sure those are bear tracks.”

The second one says: “No, I’m pretty sure they’re wolf tracks.”

The third one thinks for a while, then says “Actuall...

How can you tell if a blonde girl tried to kill herself in your bathroom?

You see bullets holes in the mirror.

Blonde girl was staring at a bottle of juice...

Because the label said "concentrate."

Why was the blonde girl to happy after she finished the Jigsaw puzzle in 6 hours?

Because on the box it says ''From 3 to 5 years''

What's long, hard and makes young blonde girls scream?

A math test.

A guy is driving a Mercedes with a blonde girl in a front seat.

She looked around the car, amazed, and then she saw the Mercedes logo, prominent on the front of the car's hood.

- Hey, what's that? - she asked.

- That? - he replied, chuckling - That's an aiming reticle. I use it to be able to hit pedestrians more reliably.

The girl fell silen...

A blonde Girl wants to tell her two horses apart

She is quite distressed. So the farmer next door says "Why not cut ones tail off" So she does that. The next day the other horse gets its tail cut on barbed wire and it tears off in the same place.

The girl is still distressed and then she cuts ones ear off to tell them apart. Then the other ...

Two blonde girls are heading to Disneyland...

While driving they see a sign "Disney Left". They cry and head home.

(Little bro told me this one. Not sure if it has been told before.)

A blonde girl manages to break her door and takes it to a carpenter to get it fixed

Blonde: Could you please fix this for me?

Carpenter: Sure, but if you're here someone could rob your house

Blonde: Oh but how would they enter, the door is with me!

A man sees a blonde girl staring intently at a ice cube in her hand

The man asks the girl why she's staring at the ice cube and she responds, "I'm trying to figure out where it's leaking from."

Why was the blonde girl sitting on the roof?

Someone told her drinks were on the house.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

One day 3 blonde girls were talking to each other.[NSFW]

One day 3 blonde girls were talking to each other. Suddenly the subject changed into blow jobs and the 2 girls were talking about how their boyfriends Ted and Frank had cold balls while they’re getting a blow job. Then they asked the third girl Sally how her boyfriend Dave’s balls were. She got unco...

"I'll have a cheeseburger with a large coke," The blonde girl requested.

"Excuse me miss, this is a library."

^^"I'll ^^have ^^a ^^cheeseburger ^^with ^^a ^^large ^^coke," she whispered.

The blonde girl panicked when she got stuck inside her car as her doors wouldn't open.

She quickly dialed 911 and cried, "I'm in the Orlando Mall parking lot, my doors won't open and its getting to be a hot day!"

The dispatcher sent a squad car and soon the police were searching about the parking lot looking for her car.

The operator asked, "The officer wants to know wha...

What do you do for a living?

During a blind date, the beautiful blonde girl asked the guy:
- “So what do you do for a living?”
He answered:
- “I hunt and kill aliens”
- “Wow! I thought aliens don’t exist!” She surprisingly responded
- He grinned and said “You are f—-ing welcome”

I said to this blonde girl, I bet you $50 I can make you turn your hands over, no way says the blonde, I said put your hands out so blonde puts her hands out, I said.

No the other way.

So she turns her hands over.



Courtesy of Only Fools and Horses.

What do you call blonde girls in a wrapper?

Airheads

Hey, did you hear about the blonde girl who choked on a piece of plastic?

She said that mannequin was one smooth talker.

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