UPJOKE

Blind Guy Jokes

how do you surprise a blind guy?

you leave the plunger in the toilet

2 blind guys were about to fight

I shouted: I bet the one with the knife wins!
Both started running away.

How do you break up two blind guys fighting?

Yell, "My money's on the guy with the knife!"

A blind guy on a bar stool shouts to the bartender, “Wanna hear a blonde joke?”

In a hushed voice, the guy next to him says, “Before you tell that joke, you should know something, our bartender IS blonde, the bouncer is blonde, Im a 6’ tall, 200lb black belt, the guy sitting next to me is 6’2”, weighs 225, and he’s a rugby player, the fella on your right is 6’5” pushing 300 and...

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How do you find a blind guy at a nude beach?

It's not hard

A blind guy walks into a primarily female bar

During a break in the music, he loudly says "hey, y'all wanna hear a blond joke?" Being blind, he doesn't realize how many blond women are in the bar. The bartender walks up to him and tells him "alright man, I know you're blind and new around here, so let me offer you some advice. I am 6'5 and blon...

A blind guy and a hunchback…

A blind guy and a hunchback were drinking in a bar. The hunchback suddenly remembered he promised his wife he would be home before midnight. So he rushes home, taking a shortcut through the cementery.


While walking through this cemetery he suddenly hears: “BOO, i am a ghost, what’s on y...

Q: Why can't a blind guy see his friends?

A: Because he's married.

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Blind guy at he lumber yard Long

A blind guy applies for a job at the lumber yard. Owner can't discriminate so he gives him an interview with the understanding that he has to get 100% on the interview to get hired.

1st task is to walk over to a skid of oak and tell what it is. Guy bends over and smells it, says that is easy...

I gave up my seat to a blind guy on the bus.

I lost my job.

A blind guy rang my door bell...

When I opened the door he told me, "You should really cover your windows up," and handed me a business card.

Blind guy walks into a restaurant.

Restaurant waiter and owner ,Paul goes to him politely and asks him what he'd like to eat. The blind guy tells Paul to give him a plate of the previous person that ate there , he'll smell the plate and tell Paul if he wants the meal. So Paul goes into the kitchen and asks his wife Mary (who happens ...

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A blind guy once walked in on pennywise masturbating

he never saw it coming

what did the blind guy say when he was handed a cheese grater

That's the most violent story I've ever read

So I gave a blind guy a basketball.

I think he's still trying to read it...

A blind guy, a deaf guy and a disabled guy in a wheelchair pass by a magic lake.

Just for fun, they decide to try out this supposedly miraculous lake. The blind guy stumbles in first and stays around in the water for a while, Then he comes out, bouncing with joy, saying "My sight has returned! I can see now!". The deaf guy went in right after and took a swim. He came out just as...

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A blind guy walks into a bar with his seeing eye dog. . .

The bartender begins to greet him, but is shocked to see the man grab the dog by the tail, and swing it around his head.

"What the fuck are you *doing?!*" the barman cries. The blind man shrugs.
"Just having a look around."

(NSFW) Blind guy Jeffery

A woman was having a bath. Soon enough there was a knock on the door. She was still naked. She then shouts out, "Who is it?". "It's just me, Jeffery". Jeffery was the blind guy who lived next door. "No harm if I actually go up naked he can't see anything anyways" she thought to herself. She open...

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4 Blind guys walk into a Bar..

Blind guy 1: "You hear the one about the one eyed prostitute who had and extra foot and only her bottom teeth?"

Blind Guy 2: "Come on buddy, you really think that ones any good? You've got to tell the one about about the Priest who married the the Nun triplets."

Blind Guy 3: " No no no...

A blind guy walking down the street

A blind guy walking down the street, passes 2 guys making fun of him an laughing. He turns to them and says "I really don't see what's funny here".

Did you hear about the blind guy who took mushrooms then ran a marathon?

Dude was trippin.

Two blind guys chat

– You know, my girlfriend left me for a sighted guy!

– Well, you should've see it coming.

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There’s a Nun taking a Bath

And she hears a knock at the door.

She gets worried so she yells “who is it?”

Guy replies “it’s the blind man”

Nun says “oh okay, come in”

Blind guy says “Nice tits, now where do you want the blinds?”

*Heard this today, did not do any due diligence to see if it wa...

Ok so a blind guy walks into a bar

Then into a table then into a counter then into the bartender

A blind guy walks into a bar.

Then he walks into a table, a chair, a couple people as well. He forgot his extension cane at home.

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Nuns are painting the chapel on a hot summer day.

Nuns are performing a much-needed renovation on the chapel. Today they paint... and the AC isn't working great (that's getting fixed tomorrow). It's a sweltering hot summer day, so they decide that since they're all sisters in Christ, they'll just lock the doors and strip of their gowns and other cl...

A Blind Guy

A blind guy visited his choir
mistress at home and found her
bathing. since he was blind, she let him in. After bathing, she came out
naked with legs spread and
shaving in front of him and tried to
make a conversation by asking
him, brother John, what brings
you here? Is everyth...

Blind guy walks into a bar

A blind man walks into a bar, and after getting a little tipsy he says to the bartender.
“Hey, do you want to hear a blond joke”

The bartender then replies “well before you start your joke there is a few things you need to know ... I’m blond 6ft 3 and im also an amateur boxer, my other fri...

Santa Claus, a blind guy, and an honest corporate executive approach a dollar on the sidewalk. Who picks it up first?

None of them, because the blind guy wouldn't see it, and the other two don't exist.

A blind guy was in a hurry

I call that a hurricane

I gave up my seat on the bus to a blind guy and my boss fired me for it.

Guess I'll have to find a bus driving job in a new city.

A blind guy walks in a diner...

He sits down at a table and the owner comes up to him.
"Hello sir, goodevening would you like to see a menu or do you know what you want?"
To which the man replies," I'm sorry I'm blind but I'll tell you what, bring me a dirty fork from for recommended plate."
Confused, but interested th...

Why did the blind guy not go to the orgy?

He had no idea who would be coming.

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How do you spot a blind guy at a nude beach?

He has the white cane with the red end you unfunny, reposting, karma whoring chumps.

Two blind guys walk into a bar.

The first one turns to the other and says, "Oh, you didn't see it either."

A blind guy walks into a bar

His knee hurts for a little bit afterwards but eventually he shakes it off and feels better.

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A blind guy gets into the kitchen, ...

... randomly picks up a cheese grater, and yells:

"Who the fuck wrote this gibberish!?"

A blind guy, a deaf guy and a disable person cross a river that grants you one wish.

Blind guy: "My wish is to able to see again"

He crosses the river and he is able to see again.

Deaf guy: "I wish to get my hearing back"

His wish is granted as he crosses the river.

The disabled guy sees that the previous two wishes were granted and rushes in the river in...

3 blind guys step into a Bar...

CLING, BANG, BOOM.

A blind guy walks into a bar

... a light pole, a bench and a parked car

What did the Taliban say to the blind guy on an OP

I c4 you

Forgive me

Blind Guy Walks Into a Bar

A blind guy with a guide dog walks into a bar. Suddenly, he yanks on the dog's leash, swings it above his head, and smashes tables and chairs with the poor yelping animal while the patrons flee in fear.
After he's wrecked the place and stopped swinging the dog, he picks up a stool, sits dow...

A blind guy walks into a bar...

A blind guy walks into a bar with his seeing eye dog. He makes his way through the crowded joint to order a beer from the bar.

After a few sips the man casually grabs the slack from the leash, and proceeds to swing the dog by its neck around his head like a helicopter.

Several terri...

A blind guy had to go to court

The Judge says “Is everyone ready for the hearing?”

The blind guys stands up and says “Well duh, it’s not like I’m going to be doing any seeing.”

So did you hear the one about the blind guy who walked into a bar..

..he walked into the tables and the chairs next.

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Blind guy walks into a Walmart.

A blind guy walks into Wal-Mart with his seeing eye dog. He gets to the middle of the store, proceeds to grab the dog by the tail and starts swinging it around in circles. The dog yelping all the while with people staring in astonishment. The manager goes running over screaming "what the fuck are y...

I tried telling a joke to this blind guy...

...but I don’t think he saw the humor in it.

What do you call two deaf guys and a blind guy

Anything you want, two don't know what's going on and the third can't find you.

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A blind guy is out for a walk

with his seeing eye dog. He's stopped at a light waiting for it to change. His dog gets an attack and relieves himself.

The light changes and the dog leads the owner across the street.

A passerby says "Hey buddy, your dog made a mess at the corner. Go take care of it"

Blin...

Nudist colony

Q- How can you tell the blind guy at a nudist colony?
A- It's not hard.

Q- Who is the most popular guy at the nudist colony?
A- The one carrying a cup of coffee in each hand and a dozen donuts.

Q- Who is the most popular girl at the nudist colony?
A- The one who can eat the la...

A blind guy walks into a bar...

Bartender: "What can I get you?"
Blind guy: "I'll take a coke."
Bartender: "Ice or no ice?"
Blind guy: "No eyes...I'm blind you idiot!"

A blind guy walks Into a bar....

A blind guy walks Into a bar. He slings his dog around in circles in the air. The dog is yalping and clearly distressed.
The bartender says "man what the hell are you doing?"
The blind guy replies " Ahh just looking around!"

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Blind quality control guy

This blind guy applies for a job as a quality control guy at a lumber mill. The manager asked how he could possibly do the job blind and the blind guy says "just give me a chance!"

The manager agrees and decides to test the blind guy's abilities. He pulls out a good piece of oak, the blind gu...

Did you hear the one about the blind guy that went skydiving?

Scared the hell out of his dog.

So, This Blind Guy Walks Into a Bar...

And takes a seat in front of the bartender.
"Would you like to here a great blonde joke?" He asks.
The bartender leans in close and says,
"Well, the priest and rabbi to your right are blonde. The two cheerleaders to your left are blonde and, to top it all off, I'M blonde. You still want to ...

A blind guy walks into a store with a seeing-eye dog.

All of a sudden he grabs the dog by the tail and start spinning it around over his head. Horrified, a shopkeeper rushes over to him and says sir, sir are you OK?

The blind guy says sure, I’m just looking around.

Blind guy walks into a bar. He sits down, orders a beer and after a while asks the bartender if she wants to hear a blonde joke.

The barkeep replies, "Before you say anything else, you should probably know that I'm a blonde. So is the woman sitting next to you. There are also a couple of blondes playing pool behind you, one of them is twice your size. So, you still wanna tell the joke?" The blind guy pauses for a second, then...

These blind guys at the institution think i am dyslexic.

I mean i spent a month learning sign language to talk to them.

A blind guy and a homeless man walk into a bar...

The blind guy says to the bum, "I'm drunk, what's your excuse?"


...My attempt at a "walks into a bar" joke...

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