A black guy in an library asked me where the colored printer was

I said "Sir, this is 2019. You can use any printer you want".

If you aren't impressed with the picture of the first Black Hole

you clearly don't understand the gravity of the situation

Be careful today when searching "Giant Black Hole Pics"

All I keep getting are scientific articles.

If the Klu Klux Klan leaders are wizards, why don't they cast a spell to kill all those that oppose them?

Because they don't have access to black magic.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

White people don't shoot each other in the streets like black people do.

We do it in schools because we have class.

One time last year when I was in Baltimore out late, I got jumped by three big black guys.

They were real nice, car started right up with no problems, and they even helped me get back to the interstate.

People are so sensitive today. You can't even say black shoe.

You have to say, "Tyrone, please get off my lawn"

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A black boy walks into the kitchen...

...where his mother is baking and accidentally pulls the flour over onto his head. He turns to his mother and says, “Look Mama, I’m a white boy!” His mother smacks him and says, “Go tell your Daddy what you just said!” The boy finds his father and says, “Look Daddy, I’m a white boy!” His Daddy bends...

What do you call a woman with 1 black eye?

A goddamn ambulance. This is no time for jokes, there's been an assault.

Mexican and black jokes are all the same

Once you heard Juan, you heard Jamal.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Why do black people eat chicken?

Because it tastes good.

The only two white actors in Black Panther are Martin Freeman, who played Bilbo Baggins, and Andy Serkis who played Gollum.

They're the Tolkien white guys.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

What do you call a black man in space?

An astronaut you fucking racist.

If a black bird brings black babies and a white bird brings white babies. What kind of bird brings no babies?

Swallows

How many cops does it take to change a lightbulb?

None. They’ll just beat the room for being black

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A professional gambler wins big and dies of an aneurysm.

When he gets to the afterlife, he finds himself at the back of a miles-long line to get into Heaven.

Drawing on his experience, the gambler immediately thinks of a way to get ahead of everyone else. He taps the old man ahead of him on the shoulder...

"Want to make a bet while we wait?"...

A black hole walks into a bar

The bartender asks, "Hey, would you like to buy anything?"



The black hole says, "No. I'm a light eater."

What does a black guy do at the university?

He gets his master's degree.

I bought a book about black holes

As soon as I opened it, I was immediately sucked in.

Looking out into the pitch-black night, a sea captain sees a light dead ahead. It’s on a collision course with his ship.

He sends out a light signal: “Change your course ten degrees east.”

​

The light signals back to the ship, “Change yours ten degrees west.”

​

Angrily, the captain sends a second signal, stating, “I’m a navy captain! Change your course, sir!”

&a...

A black Jewish boy...

A black Jewish boy runs home from school one day and asks his father, “Daddy, am I more Jewish or more black?” The dad replies, “Why do you want to know, son?” “Because a kid at school is selling a bike for $50 and I want to know if I should talk him down to $40 or just steal it!”

How come when NASA shows pictures of their black hole, it’s “breaking news”

But when I show pictures of mine it’s an “HR violation”

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Why do Muslims, black people, Mexicans, and anti-vaxxers like chocolate?

Because everyone likes chocolate, and why would someone’s religion, race, nationality, or the fact that they’re an uneducated moron change that?

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A black guy, a white guy, and an Asian guy are riding in a car.

They get pulled over for speeding and the cop tells them if all together their penises add up to 20 inches, then he will let them go.

So they measure the black guy’s penis and its 10 inches.

Then they measure the white guy’s penis and It’s 9 inches.

They then measure the Asian g...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Isn't it ironic...

that there's no Tolkien black man in The Lord of the Rings?

How do you spell the color that is an equal mix of white and black?

USA: Gray

Britain: Grey

Canada: Grehy

What's black and noisy as hell?

A crow on a drumset.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

What do you call a black person who flies an airplane?

A PILOT YOU RACIST BASTARD!

What's black, 12 inches long, 2 inches across, and makes people cry?

A cop's flashlight

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A black man and an ukrainan walk into a bar

A black man and a ukrainian walk into a bar in Moscow

They look at eachother for a while and then the black goes first:

Give me a shot of vodka! -he says to the bartender (he gets it and drinks it)

The ukrainian looks at him and orders a shot of whiskey (he gets it and drinks...

A black guy walks into a bar with a parrot on his shoulder

The bartender says "Wow, where'd you get that?" and the parrot says "Africa, there's millions of 'em there".

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

What do you call 5 black guys having sex in 1789?

A threesome.

Some people don’t know why the black hole picture is such a big deal...

Honestly, they just don’t get the gravity of it.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

An American spy is in Soviet Russia, digging up information on a powerful Russian politician.

He finds him in a bar, walks in dressed in Russian attire, pretending to be Russian. Everybody in the bar looks at him, but he keeps his cool. He orders a drink and walks to the politician...
"Greetings, comrade." says the spy, but before he could finish his sentence, the Russian says, "I think y...

A man went to a black market dealer,

He asks the seller,

"Yo I heard you can get me a glock, can I have one?"

The guy says,

"what have people told you about me?"

He replies "you're a small arms dealer"

*pushed the mutilated child arms back into the van*

"kind of yeah"

You know why I hate black holes?

Because I'm rasict

How did the black hole lose so much weight?

It's simple, he ate light!

What did the black hole say after it swallowed an asteroid?

"It was good, but I wish it been a little meteor."

I bought a dog off a black smith once

As soon as I got it home it made a bolt for the door.

A black hole walks into a bar...

Bartender says "Oh not you again!"

"Yeah it's me, set me up"

"Usual light beer?" says the bartender.

"Of course, bring on the puns"

Lady at the bar "So your the famous blackhole we have been hearing so much about and that you know the answer to every joke"

Blackhol...

What do you call it when a black guy steals from his wealthy neighbors?

Robbin' Hood.

I went to the Black Hole Nightclub.

It was really boring but the potential was infinite.

whats black white and red all over?

a badger in a blender

What do you call a black hat GitHub contributor?

An evil sourcerer

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

What do you call a black man sitting on a porch?

Whatever his name is.

A professor is sent to darkest Africa to live with a primitive tribe. He spends years with them, teaching them reading, writing, math and science.

One day the wife of the tribe's chief gives birth to a white child. The tribe is shocked, and the chief pulls the professor aside and says, "Look here! You're the only white man we've ever seen and this woman gives birth to a white child. It doesn't take a genius to figure out what happened!"
...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A black man was driving a brand new mercedes

He saw cop lights in his rear view mirror and pulled over. He calmly pulls over to the shoulder of the road and waits for the police officer to knock on the window.

“Goin’ a little fast back there, yeah? License and registration.”

The black man hands over the information and says “Sir...

The black and the brown cow

Interviewer: How much milk do these cows give?

Farmer: Which one? The Black one or the brown one?

Interviewer: Brown one.

Farmer: A couple of litres per day.

Interviewer: And the black one?

Farmer: A couple of litres per day.

Interviewer(naturally a bit flum...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Why do black people only have nightmares

The last one to have a dream got shot

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

My black friend said he doesn't watch the tv show "Friends," because it's racist.

How can it be racist though when it doesn't even have black people in it?!?

The first image of a Black Hole will be revealed today

it will pull everyone together

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A skinny little white guy walks into an elevator, looks up and sees this HUGE black guy standing next to him.

The big guy sees the little guy staring at him, looks down and says "7 feet tall, 350 pounds, 15 inch penis, 3 pound left testicle, 3 pound right testicle, Turner Brown."

The little guy faints and falls to the floor.

The big guy kneels down and brings him to, shaking him. The big guy s...

A man who just died is delivered to the mortuary wearing an expensive, expertly tailored black suit...

.... The mortician asks the deceased's wife how she would like the body dressed. He points out that the man does look good in the black suit he is already wearing.
The widow, however, says that she always thought her husband looked his best in blue, and that she wants him in a blue suit.
She ...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

To see the black hole they needed to build a telescope the size of the earth

To which my wife replied, “Maybe they can build a bigger one that could see your penis.”

(I wish this wasn’t a true story)

Why did it take scientists so long to get a picture of a black hole?

If they wanted a picture of something devouring all life force around them, they could have just asked for a picture of my mother in law.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

When you’re dressed all in black and some smart ass asks you who died, simply look around the room and say

“I haven’t decided yet."

What did the cop say to the black nurse after his vasectomy?

Don’t run, I shoot “blanks”

A farmer spends $7,000 on a young registered Black Angus bull to mate with his cows.

He puts the bull out with the herd, but the animal just eats grass. He won’t even look at the cows. The farmer feels cheated, so he brings in the local vet to check out the bull. The bull is very healthy, the vet explains, but possibly just a little young. So he gives the farmer pills to feed the bu...

It doesn't matter if you're black, white, old, young, tall, short or even if you're from another country. It's what's INSIDE that counts!

I love you refrigerator!

What’s black and white and hated all over?

Johnny Depp in a Tim Burton movie

What's black and never works?

Decaffeinated coffee, you racist.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

There are only two types of people worse than racists

The blacks and the jews

A farmer is being interviewed on TV about his prize-winning cows.

The interviewer asks, "So tell us, what are you feeding these cows?"

"The black ones or the white ones?" the farmer replies.

"Uh... the black ones."

"Oh," says the farmer, "I feed them grass."

"Ok then, what about the white ones?"

"I feed them grass, too" the farme...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Why don't black people go on cruises?

They're not falling for that one again.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A black piece of tarmac walks into a bar..

A black piece of tarmac walks into a bar, he's exhausted after a hard day's graft on the road.

The black piece of tarmac is huge in stature, built like a brick shithouse.. only tarmac.

It's a new bar and as he throws the door open the room falls silent and the ten foot tall monolith ca...

In the first photo of a black hole

, scientists will find a large number of headphones, lipstick, umbrella, charging treasure, data cable, single socks, ...

Why don't black holes get good grades ?

They aren't bright enough.

I see the black hole all over Reddit today...

It’s the only one without a NSFW tag.

What's black and white, red all over, and can't turn around in a hallway?

A nun with a spear through her

(Told this to a nun in highschool during class. She threw a blackboard eraser at me but laughed)

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Black people usually name their kids after stuff they can't afford.

Like Mercedes, Diamond, Hope, or Insurance.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A guy hears a noise on his roof. He goes outside and sees a large black bear on the roof.

So he calls an animal trapper and explains the situation. The trapper says he'll be right over.

About an hour later, the trapper rolls up in a huge pickup truck with a large metal cage in the bed. He gets out of the truck followed by a tough looking pitbull. The dog looks pretty beat up, with...

What is black and white and flies through space?

A cowmet!

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

How do you stop black kids bouncing on their beds?

Velcro the ceiling

Why can’t DC make a black joker?

The first time the police would catch him, he’d be shot and killed.

The new image shows the black hole having bright ring formed as photons from light gets drawn in the intense gravity around a black hole that is 6.5 billion times more massive than the Sun…

..but it still doesn't suck more than your Mom.

What’s it called when you give a African a hand job?

Jack black

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A black man from the USA, 200 cm tall, enters a coffee shop in Ukraine.

He sits down and orders a whiskey. An Ukrainian, 210 cm tall, enters the tavern, sits across the American and orders vodka.

The American, wanting to look superior, takes his whiskey and drinks it all at once.

So then the Ukrainian wanted to show that he can do it too, so he takes his v...

never make fun of a man who drinks black coffee..

you will become the victim of a dark roast

Why are there never black dwarves in fantasy films?

Because Kevin Hart keeps suing the production companies for using his likeness without his approval.

Everybody talks about how amazing the first black hole photo is

I think it's badly underexposed.

Attending a wedding for the first time, a little girl whispered to her mother, "Why is the bride dressed in white?"

"Because white is the color of happiness, and today is the happiest day of her life."

The child thought about this for a moment, then said, "So why is the groom wearing black?"

These days you can't even say "blackboard" anymore.

The politically correct term is: "Jamal, get on my ship."

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

I'm dating a half black girl

Her dad is is black.
Her mom is black.
She lost her legs in an accident.

What is black and smokes and is attached to electrical wires?

A bad electrician

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

I see people disliking black hole

If it was bleached then maybe they would like it

Then again, some ass holes need to lighten up

What do you call a Black Panther themed condom?

A Wacondom.

A black guy and a Mexican are in a car, whose driving?

The cop....

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