I hate how politically correct the world is these days, you can't even say black paint

You have to say

Leroy, please paint that wall

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I didn't realize how racist my family was until I brought my black girlfriend home for Thanksgiving dinner

My wife and kids HATED her!

The only two white actors in Black Panther are Martin Freeman, who played Bilbo Baggins, and Andy Serkis who played Gollum.

They're the Tolkien white guys.

I don't know what the big deal is about Black Friday.

All Fridays matter to me.

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Why did the police officer paint his penis black?

So he could beat it at work without penalty.

What does a black rectangle have in common with the girl I met last night?

>!you tap it once and it's gone!<

Why are all the black guys afraid of the white guy in prison?

Cause they know he actually did it.

A Black guy, a Mexican guy, a White guy, and an Asian guy walk into a bar.

They sit down and have a drink because we live in a more tolerant age.

Tomorrow is Black Friday just be decent and civilized

By holding the cell phone horizontal when recording any fights.

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What do you call a black astronaut?

>!An astronaut, you fucking racist.!<

Today, I arrived at a local Black Friday sale at 7 AM and saw the riot police

I had never seen the riot police arrive this early before, so o asked them why they came so early.

One of them replied, “We arrived early, because we like to beat the crowd.”

Did y’all hear about the guy who shot himself in Walmart in Black Friday?

They’re calling it a self-checkout

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What do you call the person who steals from black people?

Robbin Hood

[NSFW] So yesterday I went out side and punched a white person, I was charged with assault, today I went outside and punched a black person...

...I was charged with impersonating a police officer.

How to deal with black bears and brown bears when hiking.

1. Always wear bells to warn the bears you are coming and not startle them into a charge.
2. Always carry bear mace and spray it in the air towards the bear because they have sensitive noses.
3. Always inspect bear droppings to tell what kind of bears are nearby. Black bear droppings mostly ha...

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How many cops does it take to push a black man down the stairs?

None. He "fell".

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Heard a rumour from Jack Blacks ex that he could hold a boner for 12 hours

That's some Tenacious D

A guy tells me that black holes aren't frightening

But I don't think he understands the gravity of the situation here.

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A white man and a black man walk into a bakery

The white man immediately steals three pastries and puts them in his pocket.

He says to the black, "See how good I am? The owner didn't see a thing." The black man says to the white man, "That's typical of you white people. I am going to show you an honest way to get the same result."

...

What's black and screams?

Stevie Wonder answering the iron.

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A white woman, an asian woman, and a black woman are seated next to each other on a plane...

The pilot announces that they've lost the engines and instructs the passengers to prepare for a crash landing. Panic erupts on the plane as it begins to rapidly descend. The white lady quickly gets out her purse and starts touching up her make-up. The other two women asked 'What are you doing?' t...

A black Jewish boy runs home from school one day and asks his father

"Daddy, am I more Jewish or more black?"

The dad replies, "Why do you want to know, son?"

"Because a kid at school is selling a bike for $50 and I want to know if I should talk him down to $40 or just steal it!"

Two Secret Service agents are intercepting a black box from a terrorist when they finally corner him and capture him

They interrogate him and ask him to hand over the box and maybe he'll live for another day. The terrorist barks, "You'll have to pry it from my dead cold hands!" One of the agents then proceeds to throw the terrorist into a large refridgerating chamber overnight. The next day, the terrorist was f...

A black guy in an library asked me where the colored printer was

I said "Sir, this is 2019. You can use any printer you want".

What's white on top and black on the bottom?

Society.

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A black man goes to a concert and gets shot. What band did he go see?

The Police.

In an African tribe village, the chieftain's wife gave birth to a white skinned child.

The chieftain quickly figured the voluntary doctor from Europe might be to blame. So the chieftain asked him to talk in his tent.

Chieftain: "Today my wife gave birth to a white child. She and I are dark skinned. You are white. It doesn't take a doctor to figure out that you have slept with ...

What's a black cat's favorite color?

Purr-ple.

What did the black guy say to the chef?

What Ja-maican?

I've saved an absolute fortune this Black Friday.

I stayed in.

Just moved next door to a guy who sells stolen goods on the black market.

You know what they say; *Good fences make good neighbors*

A white guy, a black guy, an Indian, an Asian women and a girl in a wheel chair walk into a bar

They are celebrating being on the cover of a middle school math book

Amazing BLACK FRIDAY deal:

Buy NOTHING and save up to 100% in EVERY STORE!

In the Harry Potter books, Sirius Black is in his early 30's,

... but in the movies, he look like an Oldman.

Why did the black referee give a warning to the Nascar driver?

Because he loved pulling out that race card.

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20 black people, 13 Jewish people, 18 Chinese people, 10 Russians and 26 white people are in a bar...

It's crowded.

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One white man, one black woman, one Asian guy. No, make that one Jewish guy, one Indian guy, and a white man

said the cannibal at the drive-thru.

What’s black and rhymes with Dr. Dre?

Snoop Dogg

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A black man, mexican man and a redneck are walking down the beach one day when they stumble upon a magical lamp.

They rub it and a Genie pops out. "Thank you for freeing me from 1000 years inside! I will grant each of you ONE wish!"

The black man goes first : "I wish all black people could be returned to Africa to live peacefully and happily with all the resources to guarantee a great life for many gene...

What do you call a blonde who dyed her hair black?

Artificial Intelligence

What do you call a stable black Irishman?

Homie O'Stasis

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What does Prince Andrew, Manchester United & the black eyed peas have in Comon?

It all went to shit when fergie left.

If you aren't impressed with the picture of the first Black Hole

you clearly don't understand the gravity of the situation

Mexican jokes and black jokes are all the same.

Once you’ve heard Juan, you’ve heard Jamal.

Why don’t black women wear panties when flying?

They know the first thing rescuers will look for is the black box

What’s black and doesn’t work?

Decaf coffee.

Because you black and they white

Tyrone's first day in the first grade he came home crying. When his mother asked why, he replied,
"The teacher told us to say our ABC's and all the little white boys could say them and I could only get to the letter E. Why is that? His mom said, "Because you black and they white." The next day T...

Who experienced the first Black Friday?

Robinson Crusoe

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A black piece of tarmac walks into a bar.

*long*

A black piece of tarmac walks into a bar, strolls up to the bar and sighs "give me a Guinness mate"

The bartender gives him his drink and asks "rough day? ", the black piece of tarmac replies "aye I'm part of the A1 North and I've had all sorts over me today. 12 fucking lorries,...

Why do Russian Cosmonauts only drink black coffee?

Because in space, no one here use cream.

Why do witches trust black cats?

Because their familiar

A black guy walks into a bar with a huge parrot on his shoulder.

Barman says “Oh wow I’ve never seen one like that before, where did you get him from?”

Parrot says “Africa, there’s loads of them over there”

What's black, white and red all over?

The slowest zebra in a herd

“The 40 yard dash,” answered Timmy. “100 meters,” said Becky. “Blacks,” said Billy.

Coach’s face fell to the floor. “That’s not what I meant when I asked what race makes you most nervous.”

I've got the deal already worked out - this Black Friday, I'm getting a new Lexus for my wife

I think she's going to be really surprised - but from my perspective, it's an awesome trade.

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I was in Venice Beach in January and there was a homeless man with a sign that said “1 dollar for dirty joke.”

Seemed like a good investment to me so I gladly handed over a dollar.

Homeless man: “Alright sir whats your name?”

Me: “John”

Homeless man: “So Johnny, there is black rooster alright?

How many legs does that chicken have.”

Me: “Two?”

Homeless man: “Right, n...

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How do we know the first man Adam wasn't black?

Ever tried to take a rib from a black man?

Black Sabbath accused Dio of sneaking into the studio at night and messing with the mix

That seems a little paranoid

This is my impression of a black father

[Idk what you were expecting, there is nothing here]

What's black and white and goes around and around?

A penguin caught in a revolving door.

What is black and white, sits in a tree, and is very dangerous?

a cow with a machine gun.

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At the National Art Gallery in Dublin, a husband and wife were staring at a portrait that had them completely confused. The painting depicted three black men totally naked, sitting on a bench.

Two of the figures had black penises, but the one in the middle had a pink penis. The curator of the gallery realized that they were having trouble interpreting the painting and offered his personal assessment.

He went on for over half an hour explaining how it depicted the sexual emasculatio...

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You know what that little black spot is on the top of birdshit?

More birdshit.

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White people don't shoot each other in the streets like black people do.

We do it in schools because we have class.

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Are my Testicles black?

One day an old man was taken into the recovery room he had a biopsy, he also had an oxygen mask on. The nurse walks in and takes his vitals to which he asks "Are my testicles black?". The nurse looks confused and brushes it off. When shes done he asks again "Are my testicles black?". Again she ignor...

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How did Captain America lose track of Black Widow at the amusement park?

She was secretly Romanoff.

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I've just found out that shouting "Who's the bastard in the black" will get you thrown out of not just football matches, but also funerals.

Sorry Grandma.

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Frank was excited about his new rifle and decided to try bear hunting.....

....He travels up to Alaska, spots a small brown bear and shoots it. Right after, there was a tap on his shoulder and he turned around to see a big black bear. The black bear said, "That was a very bad mistake. That was my cousin and I'm going to give you two choices. Either I maul you to death or w...

A black hole walks into a bar

A black hole walks into a bar and orders a drink.
The bartender asks if it would like food with that.

The black hole says, "No thanks, I'm a light eater."

If Jack Black stole from African-American card players while playing the card game 21...

He'd be Jack Black jacking blacks during black jack.

What happens if you throw a white stone into the Black Sea?

It gets wet, what’d you think?

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What's black and white and read all over?

Aw crap, I don't think this joke works in text...

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Are my testicles black?

Man in hospital bed wearing oxygen mask over his mouth "Nurse" he mumbles "Are my testicles black ?" She raises his gown, holds his penis in one hand and his testicles in the other. She strokes them very slowly . Then she takes a closer look and says "There's nothing wrong with them". The man pulls ...

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Why don't black people sleep?

The last one to have a dream got shot.

Some people say the Canadian prime minister does not like dressing up like a black person.

But it's Trudeau.

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The black cow and the white cow

A curious guy sees a farmer tending to two cows in his field.

Guy: Hey, what do you feed those cows?
Farmer: The white one or the black one?
Guy: The white one.
Farmer: Grass.
Guy: How about the black one?
Farmer: Grass.

Guy: Where do they sleep?
Farmer: The white one...

I’m worried I’ve become very obsessed with Wonder Woman, Black Widow and Captain Marvel lately.

I think I might be a heroine addict.

I painted my laptop black.

Now it runs faster.

What do a store on Black Friday and a cocaine addict have in common?

They both have long lines

A man stepped out of his house to go for his afternoon walk when he noticed his neighbor had two black eyes...

"Whatn' hell happened to you Frank?"

"Well, I was in church last Sunday and I noticed a lady in front of me had her dress stuck up in her buns so being the gentleman I am I reached down and pulled the dress free and she turned around and hit me between the eyes"he replied.

The neighbor...

I met a kid who loved everything black and white. He adored penguins, pandas, and Mickey mouse

I dont get why I'm not allowed to hang out with him anymore. All I asked is if he likes michael jackson.

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An elderly couple were watching a Discovery Channel special about a West African bush tribe whose men all had penises 24 inches long.

When the black male reaches a certain age, a string is tied around his penis and on the other end is a weight. After a while, the weight stretches the penis to 24 inches.

Later that evening as the husband was getting out of the shower, his wife looked at him and said, "How about we try the Af...

Be careful today when searching "Giant Black Hole Pics"

All I keep getting are scientific articles.

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Three black ladies were on a plane They were good friends and were really excited to travel together. However, this was the first time they had ever been on a plane so they were understandably quite nervous. They began discussing what precautions they had taken to relief their fears...

The first lady said, "I'm wearing bright green panties, that way, if we crash into the ocean, my butt would float and they'd see me first!"

The second lady retorted, "I'm wearing bright pink panties, that way, if we crash into the ground, they'd see me first!"

The two looked at the las...

My School doesn’t allow blacks

Can’t believe the dress code here

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An old woman took her husband to the doctor. The doctor checked the husband's pulse, then told the woman, "I'm sorry, your husband is dead."

The woman was shocked. "I don't believe it. Are you sure? I want to be absolutely sure, are there any other tests you can do?"

The doctor responded, "I'm quite sure, but if you'd like we do have some alternative tests that we can perform."

"YES! I have to be absolutely certain."
...

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As my wife and I lay in bed together, I felt the tension in the air. She then folded her arms and huffed, “You never make the first move.

“Jesus!” I said as I rolled my eyes. “Every night it’s the same thing.”

“Well you don’t!” she moaned. “It’s always me and quite frankly I’m fed up with it. And before you start, it’s nothing to do with you being black.”

“It is,” I said.

“No, it isn’t,” she said.

“You know...

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The new employee.

This guy just started at his new job, working at an adult shop. His boss comes out and tells him that he has to leave for a while, and "can you handle it? "

The new employee is somewhat reluctant, but with the boss's positive comments he finally agrees.

So, the guy is there by himself ...

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Frustrated by a world of moral decay, a man decided that he wanted a pure, innocent woman for his wife.

So he went to church in the hope of finding someone who had not been corrupted by modern society. After two weeks, he met a charming girl and took her back to his place for the ultimate test. Whipping out his manhood, he asked her: ‘What’s this?’

‘A cock,’ she replied.

Disappointed by ...

What is black & white and red all over?

Lebron James' contract.

When do guys wear black condoms?

When they have mourning wood.

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A CEO, a white worker, and a black worker are sitting at a table.

A waiter comes in with a plate with a dozen cupcakes. Before the plate hits the table, the CEO reaches over, takes 11 cupcakes from the plate, and stuffs then in his jacket. Then he leans over to the white worker and whispers in his ear
"That black man is looking looking at your cupcake".

After extensive investigations and many phone calls, the police found that, despite the fact that I’m black, I’ve got a good job, no criminal record and I own the BMW I was driving.

So they arrested me for wasting police time.

Black Hat Jack

One day in a Saloon in the Wild West, people were casually drinking and gambling when suddenly a cowboy storms into the saloon. He is covered in bruises and bullet wounds. With all the strength he could gather he mutters: "Guys, you need to leave, Black Hat Jack is coming" and then he falls dead. No...

A panda bear walks into a bar...

A panda bear walks into a bar and orders a sandwich. The panda eats the sandwich, whips out a pistol, and shoots the waiter dead. As he is walking towards the exit, the bartender yells “HEY WHERE ARE YOU GOING? YOU DIDNT PAY FOR THAT SANDWICH AND YOU JUST SHOT MY WAITER!”

The panda bear just...

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Three homeless men (a black man, a white man, and a Mexican man) see a dead dog in the middle of the road

The white man says” Let’s all put in $10 and see who lays down beside the dog the longest and the winner gets the money”. The men agree and put $10 in each. The white man went first and laid down next to the dog.5 minutes pass. Then 10. Then 15. He finally gets up and says “ I can’t do this anymore”...

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A guy is madly in love with his GF (long)

A guy is madly in love with his girlfriend. He decides to tattoo her name, Wendy, on his penis. When it is not erected, all you can see is W and Y. The first and last letters of her name.

When the guy went to the public restrooms he saw this huge black guy using the urinal next to him. Curiou...

I'm totally excited about our new black neighbor.

'Cause my dad says he is Robin Hood.

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Do you know what the toughest part about being a gay, black, police officer is?

The discrimination.

I slipped on black ice the other day.

I thought it was regular ice, but when I got up my wallet was gone.

What did Justin Trudeau say to a black guy?

"You must tell me who does your makeup, its really well done!"

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