A white guy, a black guy, an Indian, an Asian women and a girl in a wheel chair walk into a bar

They are celebrating being on the cover of a middle school math book

If the Ku Klux Klan leaders are wizards, why don't they cast a spell to kill all those that oppose them?

Because they don't have access to black magic.

A black guy in an library asked me where the colored printer was

I said "Sir, this is 2019. You can use any printer you want".

What's black, white and red all over?

The slowest zebra in a herd

[NSFW] So yesterday I went out side and punched a white person, I was charged with assault, today I went outside and punched a black person...

...I was charged with impersonating a police officer.

I painted my laptop black.

Now it runs faster.

If you aren't impressed with the picture of the first Black Hole

you clearly don't understand the gravity of the situation

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What's black and white and read all over?

Aw crap, I don't think this joke works in text...

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At the National Art Gallery in Dublin, a husband and wife were staring at a portrait that had them completely confused. The painting depicted three black men totally naked, sitting on a bench.

Two of the figures had black penises, but the one in the middle had a pink penis. The curator of the gallery realized that they were having trouble interpreting the painting and offered his personal assessment.

He went on for over half an hour explaining how it depicted the sexual emasculatio...

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Three homeless men (a black man, a white man, and a Mexican man) see a dead dog in the middle of the road

The white man says” Let’s all put in $10 and see who lays down beside the dog the longest and the winner gets the money”. The men agree and put $10 in each. The white man went first and laid down next to the dog.5 minutes pass. Then 10. Then 15. He finally gets up and says “ I can’t do this anymore”...

A black guy walks into a bar with a huge parrot on his shoulder.

Barman says “Oh wow I’ve never seen one like that before, where did you get him from?”

Parrot says “Africa, there’s loads of them over there”

A black Jewish boy comes home from school. He asks his father "Daddy, am I more Jewish or more black?"

Father says "why do you wanna know that son?"
Boy says "Well there's a kid selling his bike at school for $50. I wanna know if I should offer him $40 or if I should just steal it."

The black cow and the white cow

A curious guy sees a farmer tending to two cows in his field.

Guy: Hey, what do you feed those cows?
Farmer: The white one or the black one?
Guy: The white one.
Farmer: Grass.
Guy: How about the black one?
Farmer: Grass.

Guy: Where do they sleep?
Farmer: The white one...

A black hole walks into a bar

A black hole walks into a bar and orders a drink.
The bartender asks if it would like food with that.

The black hole says, "No thanks, I'm a light eater."

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White people don't shoot each other in the streets like black people do.

We do it in schools because we have class.

After extensive investigations and many phone calls, the police found that, despite the fact that I’m black, I’ve got a good job, no criminal record and I own the BMW I was driving.

So they arrested me for wasting police time.

What do you get when Black Panther brings Jewish bread to Thor's party?

T'Challa challah at the Valhalla gala.

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What do you call a rude black hole?

A masshole.

One day, a black bear walks into a bar...

The bear begins to get some strange looks, but he was use to this being a black bear and all. Everyone in the bar was acting a little strange around him, but then he sat at the bar and the bartender began to serve him.

Bartender: Ummm...So what can I get you?

Bear: Let me get a shot of...

How does every black joke start?

With a white person looking over their shoulders

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What’s the difference between a black dad and a boomerang?

One is an inanimate object you fucking racist.

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What do you call a black man in space?

An astronaut, you racist bastard

I slipped on black ice the other day.

I thought it was regular ice, but when I got up my wallet was gone.

What's black, hot, and sits at the top of the stairs?

Steven hawking after a house fire.

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This happened in the old South

A rich white woman calls the captain of a ship that docked in her port town and tells him: "Captain, I am having a high end party tonight. I have six young daughters. I'd like you to send six handsome and fit sailors to my home to dance with and entertain my daughters. I will compensate you well. Ju...

Be careful today when searching "Giant Black Hole Pics"

All I keep getting are scientific articles.

How many black guys does it take to fix a lightbulb?

I don’t know I couldn’t find them

What's black and stuck to the ceiling?

An electrician that didn't do his job well!

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What's black and never works?

Decaffeinated coffee you racist bastard!

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What's long, black, hard, and full of semen.

A submarine

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For his birthday, an old man’s nephews secretly hire a call girl for him. When he answers the door she’s standing there in a slinky black dress. She says, “I’m here to give you super sex.”

After thinking for a minute the old man replies, “I guess I’ll have the soup.”

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Why are black people so tall?

Because their knee grows.

What's the similarity between black and Mexican jokes?

If you heard Juan, you heard Jamal.

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There's a breed of black chickens that actually hatch black eggs!

Search up "black cocks" yourself if you don't believe me.

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A man with a black eye sits down in his seat on an airplane.

He notices the man sitting next to him also has a black eye.

"Hey," he asks, "Howd you get your shiner?"

"Well, it was the result of a tongue twister. There was this hot looking girl at the ticket desk and what I meant to say was 'I'd like a ticket to Pittsburgh', but what I actually s...

If you live in Florida, make sure to take a black and white photo of the hurricane this weekend.

I'm not exactly sure why, but I've heard a lot of buzz about a picture of Dorian, grey. People seem pretty wilde about it.

I told my friend I was an origami black belt? He laughed..

He wasn't laughing any more when I folded him into a &@#%ing yacht...

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Why are black people afraid of chainsaws

because they're dangerous

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You know what the hardest part about being a gay, black police officer is?

The discrimination

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A black man was shot in my local town last night with a starting pistol

The police think the shooting was race related.

My friends call me an alcoholic because I drink black Russians. "That's all liquor!" they say.

No it's not. It's half liquor and half liqueur.

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A white girl, an Asian girl and a black girl are on a plane...

At a certain point an engine fails and the plane crashes into the ocean.
As the plane is sinking the white girl quickly grabs her bag and starts putting on makeup and says: "When the rescue gets here they will obviously look for the prettiest women first".
The Asian girl quickly grabs all he...

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A black guy, Jew and a homosexual walks into the bar

What a fine example of an integrated community

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A black man and a bird walk into a bar.

The bartender said "What a beauty! Where did you get him?"
The bird replied "Africa."

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A black boy walks into the kitchen

A black boy walks into the kitchen where his mother is baking and accidentally pulls the flour over onto his head. He turns to his mother and says, “Look Mama, I’m a white boy!” His mother smacks him and says, “Go tell your Daddy what you just said!” The boy finds his father and says, “Look Daddy, I...

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Two guys, both with black eyes, are waiting to board a plane...

Two guys, both with black eyes, we’re boarding an airplane. One guys says to the other, “how’d you get your black eye?”

The other guy says, “well, it’s a funny story. I was buying tickets at the counter and what I meant to say was, can I have two tickets to Pittsburgh. What I actually sa...

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[NSFW] a white guy is showering at the gym alone when in comes the biggest and most muscle bound black guy he has ever seen walks in...

The black man whips off his towel and reveals the largest member on a dude the white guy has ever seen. He can’t stop staring and it makes the black man uncomfortable after a few minutes

“You got a problem?” the muscles dude says

“I have to be honest” starts the white guy, “that thing...

A star walks into a black hole

But the star doesn't seem to be fazed.

The black hole says, "Sir, I don't think you understand the gravity of this situation."

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A man staggered into a hospital with a concussion, multiple bruises, two black eyes, and a five-iron wrapped around his throat.

Naturally, the doctor asked him,

“What happened to you?”

“Well,” said the man,

“I was having a quiet round of golf with my wife, when at a difficult hole, we both spliced our balls into a cow pasture. We went to look for them and while I was looking around, I noticed one of the...

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Why do you never see black people on cruises?

They’re not falling for that one again

What's the difference between a brown bear on a bicycle and a black bear on a bicycle?

Bearly much, they're bicycly the same.

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My son came home from school with a black eye

"Where the fuck did you find that thing?" I asked.

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A black man goes to a tavern with a parrot on his shoulder and asks for a beer, the cashier asks him where he got him

The parrot said Africa

Who was the first black guy to admit he is the father?

Darth Vader

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A black and white guy are training at the gym.

After their training session they hit the changing room and undress.

The white guy can’t help but look at the black guys penis size and remarks, “How did you get it so big?”

He replies, “It’s a muscle so when I go home, I put on a warm bath, get inside and begin to stretch it by tuggi...

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What do you call 5 black guys having sex?

A threesome

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Kid : mom, how come you are white and I'm black ?

Mom : if I can vaguely remember the things I did in that rave party, just be thankful that you are not barking!!!

A man dies wearing, a succulent black suit, and his body is taken to a morgue...

.... The mortician asks the deceased's wife how she would like the body dressed. He points out that the man does look good in the black suit he is already wearing. The widow, however, says that she always thought her husband looked his best in blue, and that she wants him in a blue suit. She gives t...

With all of the shows such as Black-ish, Mixed-ish, and Grown-ish, TV executives have announced a new show about the people of an island in the North Atlantic.

They are going to call it Ir-ish.

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What do you say when you meet a gay, black, trans person?

"Hello."

The only two white actors in Black Panther are Martin Freeman, who played Bilbo Baggins, and Andy Serkis who played Gollum.

They're the Tolkien white guys.

How do you stop children with thick curly black hair from jumping on the bed?

Put velcro on the ceiling.

Scientists have taken the first pictures of the interior of a black hole.

It's all pink.

One time last year when I was in Baltimore out late, I got jumped by three big black guys.

They were real nice, car started right up with no problems, and they even helped me get back to the interstate.

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A black man walks into a bar with a parrot on his shoulder.

The bartender asks well where'd you get that.

(parrot voice) Squawk Africa there's lots of them

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2 pieces of black pavement walk into a bar, order 2 beers and sit down at a table.

5 minutes later a green piece of pavement walks in, and as soon as it does the black pieces dive under the table to hide, trembling with fear.

The green pavement has a quick drink and leaves the bar.

The barman approaches the black pavement and asked what the problem is, stating "tha...

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The White Knight and the Black Knight.

Note, this story was from Gigi Proietti, an Italian comedian who's from Rome, and I must say it loses a lot without the Roman accent and slang, but I'll try my best :D

The White Knight and the Black Knight.

So once there was this teacher, really passionate about his job, who always wan...

People are so sensitive today. You can't even say black shoe.

You have to say, "Tyrone, please get off my lawn"

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A skinny little white guy walks into an elevator, looks up and sees this HUGE black guy standing next to him.

The big guy sees the little guy staring at him, looks down and says "7 feet tall, 350 pounds, 15 inch penis, 3 pound left testicle, 3 pound right testicle, Turner Brown."

The little guy faints and falls to the floor.

The big guy kneels down and brings him to, shaking him. The big guy s...

Why do you not see black envelopes in the mail?

Because black mail is a crime.

A guy walks into a doctors office with a 5 iron wrapped around his neck and two black eyes.

“What happened to you?” asked the doctor

“Well it all started when my wife and I were golfing and by accident she hit the ball into a cow field. When she went to investigate, I saw the ball in the cow’s ass. I went and lifted the tail of the cow and that’s when I made my mistake.”

“And...

What does Black Panther live in?

A Wakandaminium.

Teacher teacher ..[LONG]

TEACHER: What's wrong?

MUSA : Our house is very small.

MUSA: My mum,my dad, we sleep on the same bed. Every night my dad asks, Musa r u sleeping?' Then I say No & then he slaps my face & gives me a black eye"

TEACHER: Tonight when ur dad asks again, keep dead quiet. don'...

What's black and rhymes with Eazy E?

Ice Cube

How many cops does it take to change a lightbulb?

None. They’ll just beat the room for being black

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This blonde woman was at a nightclub and started dancing with a big black man. Things were going well and she later invited him home. When they got inside she threw her arms around him and whispered in his ear: "I want you to prove that what they say about black men is true"

So he stabbed her and stole her purse.

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A professional gambler wins big and dies of an aneurysm.

When he gets to the afterlife, he finds himself at the back of a miles-long line to get into Heaven.

Drawing on his experience, the gambler immediately thinks of a way to get ahead of everyone else. He taps the old man ahead of him on the shoulder...

"Want to make a bet while we wait?"...

What's long, black, and makes schoolgirls scream?

AR-15

What’s black and screams?

Stevie Wonder answering the iron.

Why are black holes so popular at parties?

Because they bring everyone together.

What is black and hairy and runs around the back yard screaming?

A baby covered in funnel web spiders

What do you call an excitable small black insect that used to work for a multi national transportation company?

An exuberant ex-uber ant.

Please help me find my lost horse, Black Beauty.

The horse was last seen near the white fence I was repainting.
Side note, is anyone missing a zebra?

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