A black guy in a library asked me where the coloured printer was.

I replied, "Mate, it's 2020, you can use any printer you want."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

How many cops does it take to push a black man off the stairs?

None, he fell off.

The only two white actors in Black Panther are Martin Freeman, who played Bilbo Baggins, and Andy Serkis who played Gollum.

They're the Tolkien white guys.









Edit: Swigity Swoo, I got a silver from you?

Edit: Golly Gee, a gold for me?

Edit: Boo hoo, a baby snoo too?

Edit: Cowabunga Grift, I got a coin gift!

Edit: Beagle pup, here comes a bless up!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I just don't understand why black people don't like the police

They have tons of great songs and Sting is a great singer

How many police officers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They'll just beat the room for being black.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Are my testicles black

A suspected Covid-19 male patient is lying in bed in the hospital, wearing an oxygen mask over his mouth and nose. A young student female nurse appears and gives him a partial sponge bath.
"Nurse,"' he mumbles from behind the mask, "are my testicles black?"
Embarrassed, the young nurse replie...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An American spy is in Soviet Russia, digging up information on a powerful Russian politician. He finds him in a bar, walks in dressed in Russian attire, pretending to be Russian. Everybody in the bar looks at him, but he keeps his cool. He orders a drink and walks to the politician...

"Greetings, comrade." says the spy, but before he could finish his sentence, the Russian says, "I think you are American spy."

The spy is alarmed, but being a skilled, trained, spy, he says, "That is not true! I am the proudest Soviet there is! I can sing the anthem more beautifully than any ...

I was in the library one day, when a black friend of mine came in and asked if I knew where the color printer was.

I said "Buddy, it's the 21st century, you can use any printer you want."

Why are there no good jokes about black holes?

Because they suck the most.

It shouldn't be surprising our first black president was elected prior to Trump

It's always darkest before Don

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A black kid puts powder on his face and realised he looked white

So he went down to his mom and said
“Look mom I’m white”.

His mother tells him
“Don’t do that, it’s not funny now go wash up”.

The kid then goes to his dad who said
“Why are you doing stupid things. Now go clean up”.

The kid disappointed with his parents reaction say...

What's black and white and red all over?

Two nuns in a knife fight.

What's black and rhymes with snoop?

Dr. Dre

What do atoms and black lives have in common?

They matter

Coronavirus has been copying the Black Death

Plaguearism

Black life matter cuz..

they occupy space and have weight

Black Lives Matter...

...unless you multiply them by the speed of light squared, then Black Lives Energy.

-A Einstein

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Every other basic response: “We stand with our black employees :)”

**Ben & Jerry’s:** “WE GOTTA FUCKIN SMASH WHITE SUPREMACY. FUCK THE KKK AND FUCK YOU. BLACK LIVES MATTER. OUR NEW FLAVOR IS CALLED FUCK THE POLICE. ITS GOT BLUEBERRIES”

I asked a Black Belt if he liked karate

He said hi-Yah!

*My gf woke me up to tell me she came up with a joke and I'd figure I'd see the reception, thank you for your time*

Once you go black...

You'll save hundreds of calories without the cream and sugar.

CDC announces a new dye that turns coronavirus black

so police will kill it for us.

What did the cop say to the black insomniac?

Stop resisting a rest!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The fastest black people in my city and the local police department decided to compete against each other in a race

The cops beat them.

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Did you hear about the civilian who killed an unarmed black man?

He was arrested for impersonating a police officer.

What's the difference between black and white?

If you're white, you'll get Captain America.

If you're black, you'll get capped in America.

What do you get when you cross a dachshund,a black lab, and a Blue Heeler?

A black and blue weiner.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why don’t black people ever go on cruises?

They’re not falling for that one again.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A lady had lost her husband almost four years ago. Her daughter was constantly calling her to get back into the dating world. Finally, she said she'd go out, but didn't know anyone. Her daughter immediately replied, "Mom, I have someone for you to meet!"

Well, it was an immediate hit.

They took to one another and after dating for six weeks, he asked her to join him for a weekend in Spain.

Their first night there, she undressed as he did.

There she stood nude, except for a pair of black panties, he in his birthday suit.

Lo...

What do you call a black shark?

Sharkoal

- Did you know that airplanes black boxes are actually orange?

- What? I thought they were boxes!

What’s black, white, green, black and white

Two skunks fighting over a pickle

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why can’t black people get a PhD?

Because they can’t get past their Masters

What's black & white and goes "oom! oom!"?

A cow walking backwards.

It is being reported that black and ethnic minority groups are at higher risk to Coronavirus

As if this virus wasn't bad enough, it turns out it is racist too.

I recently saw the movie "Pitch Black"

It was riddickulous.

It said :"Only black ties" on the wedding invitation card.

But when I arrived, I saw people wearing suits too.

A guy sees a sign in front of a house that says: “Talking Dog for Sale.” He rings the bell and the owner tells him the dog is in the backyard. The guy goes into the backyard and sees a black mutt just sitting there.

### “You talk?” he asks.

“Yep,” the mutt replies.


“So, what’s your story?”


The mutt looks up and says: “Well, I discovered my gift of talking pretty young and I wanted to help the government, so I told the CIA about my gift, and in no time they had me jetting from co...

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My Granddad always lived in poverty and only ever owned one black suit,

he always used to tell my Mum that when he died he would like to be buried in a ‘blue suit’
Of course money was tight so that was never going to happen, anyway when he did finally pass away and he was resting in the funeral home wearing his ‘black suit’ my Mum told the funeral director the sad ...

What do you call a black person in space

An astronaut, obviously

I hate how politically correct the world is these days, you can't even say black paint

You have to say

Leroy, please paint that wall

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There's a guy doing 60 in a 30 zone, so a policeman pulls him over Policeman says to driver: "I have reason to believe you've been doing drugs, sir." Driver replies: "Why, cos I'm black?!"

Policeman: "No, sir, cos you haven't got a fucking car."

So this guy walks out of church with two black eyes! ...

He calls his parents and says “Mom, Dad! I was at church today and a woman gave me two black eyes!”
His parents, completely flabbergasted by the start of they’re son’s story ask frantically “How did you possibly get 2 black eyes in church!??”
Then the son replies “ Well the woman in the pew i...

Which matter is denser than a black hole?

The grey matter inside lockdown protesters.

An old, blind cowboy wanders into an all-girl biker bar by mistake. He finds his way to a bar stool and orders a shot of Jack Daniels. After sitting there for a while, he yells to the bartender, "Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?" The bar immediately falls absolutely silent.....

...in a very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says,

"Before you tell that joke, Cowboy, I think it is only fair, given that you are blind, that you should know five things:

* The bartender is a blonde girl with a baseball bat.
* The bouncer is a blonde girl.
* I'm a 6...

How does every black joke start?

By looking over your shoulder

Way too much time on my hands so I decided to make a bong out of a pineapple and paper towel tube. Didn't want to leave the house, so tried to smoke oregano, but found it really hurt my throat. Tried black pepper, but it just made me sneeze...

Moved on to some ground ginger, but the smoke made my eyes water.

Went on the internet where it says banana peels can be smoked, but couldn't get them dry enough to combust.

Checked under the sofa cushion, found an old bent up cigarette, placed it in the bowl, took a deep hit and real...

A black guy loses a middle finger in a work accident.

The surgeon tells him: "I'm sorry but I cannot attach your original finger due to the damage. However, I can attach one from a dead person. The thing is, I only have fingers from white people available."

The black guy says it's no problem, as long as he can use all fingers again.

Surge...

Bob, an undertaker, recently came home with a black eye.

"What happened to you?" asked his wife.

"I had a terrible day" replied Bob.

"I had to go to a hotel and pick up a man who had died in his sleep. When I got there, the manager said they couldn't get him into a body bag because he had this huge erection."

"Anyway, I went up and, s...

A man walks out to the street and catches a taxi just as it's going by. As he gets into the taxi, and the cabbie says, "Impeccable timing. You're just like Frank."

Passenger: "Who?"

Cabbie: "Frank Feldman. He's a guy who did everything right all the time. Like my coming along when you needed a cab, things happened like that to Frank Feldman every single time."

Passenger: "There are always a few clouds over everybody."

Cabbie: "Not Frank Fe...

His first time visiting white church, my black friend danced for joy and shouted "Hallelujah!" every time the preacher spoke.

That's the last time I invite him to a funeral.

What does a black guy see when he stands in front of a mirror?

yug kcalb a

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The most offensive thing as a black man is when you walking down the street and an old white woman clutches her purse.

Bitch really thinks she stronger than me.

Why are condoms never black?

Because black makes you look thinner.

I hate how we have to be politically correct at the office. My boss said we shouldn't use the term "black" because it's not very professional.

So during coffee break, I asked him: *"How African-American do you like your coffee?"*

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The Black Rider is coming!

So a man is doing Route 66, road trippin’ through through western America when he finds a bar on the side of the road that has all the makings of an old spaghetti western. He decides he needs a drink.

He swings open the doors and asks the barman for a whiskey.

“We’re about to close” sa...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

As an Asian man, I have always wanted to know how it felt to be black. Today I finally accomplished that goal.

I sneezed and watched every one walk to the other side of the street.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I didn't realize how racist my family was until I brought my black girlfriend home for Thanksgiving dinner

My wife and kids HATED her!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

(NSFW)A black man walks into a bar with a parrot on his shoulder

The bartender asks: Where did you get that from?
The parrot responds: From Africa!

Why do all planets want to date black holes?

Because they're so attractive!

What would Martin Luther King Jr be if he wasn’t black?

Alive.

A black smith went to a doctor

He said he just can't stop sneezing.

The doctor told him he has a Metallurgy.

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I've been expelled from school for calling out a class mate who was joking about black people.

Apparently, I shouldn't have called him a speciest.

What’s black and white and red all over?

Communist propaganda in the 50’s

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A man with a black eye boards a plane

He finds his seat and sits right next another man with a badly bruised eye.

"Ha," says the first man, "funny we should be seated next to each other. How'd you get yours?"

"Well," says the second man, "you know that busty ticket lady at check-in?"

"Oh yeah, she was a real looker"...

I recently found a round, black piece of plastic, with a hole in the middle and grooves on both sides. I picked it up and threw it. It flew for more than 300 yards.

I’m sure that must have been a record.

A person calls 911

Operator: 911, what's your emergency?

Caller: I saw a black guy get shot!

Operator: Did you get the shooter's badge number?

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A man is asking a farmer about his two cows

Man: About how much milk do you get from them in a day?


Farmer: Which one, the brown one or the black one?


Man: The brown one.


Farmer: About a half gallon a day.


Man: And the black one?


Farmer: About a half gallon a day.


Man (looki...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

There’s a painting in a museum of 3 naked black men sitting on a bench, but the man in the middle has a pink penis.

The artist behind the painting is unknown, and no one really knows why the man in the middle has a pink penis. The curator has a story about how pink represents equality at birth, however the true reason was unknown. One day there was a couple touring the museum, and they spent quite a bit of time e...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man is in the hospital wearing an oxygen mask over his mouth.

"Nurse" he mumbles. "Are my testicles black?"

The nurse lifts up his gown, holds his penis in one hand and his testicles in the other...she takes a close look and says "There's nothing wrong with them, sir."

The man pulls off his oxygen mask, smiles at her and says very slowly "Thanks ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man shows up to work with two black eyes.

His boss noticing the pair of matching black eyes decides to pull him aside and ask him what happened.

"Jesus Dave, how did that happen?"

"Well Bill... There was a woman standing in line at the grocery store with her sundress wedged in her ass crack. So I pulled it out and she blacked ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man walks into my bar with 2 black eyes

So I ask what happened? He says "well I was in church and when we all stood to sing the hymn, the lady in front of me had her dress stuck up in the crack of her ass. So I decided to reach up and pull it out for her. She turned around and punched me in my right eye." So I asked "what happened to yo...

The only two white actors in Black Panther are Martin Freeman, who played Bilbo Baggins, and Andy Serkis who played Gollum.

They're the Tolkien white guys.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A black guy walked into the Bar...

Exam with great confidence aced that shit and is now a very successful lawyer.

Get your heads right people sheesh.

I recently spent $6,500 on a young registered Black Angus bull.

I recently spent $6,500 on a young registered Black Angus bull. I put
him out with the herd but he just ate grass and wouldn't even look at
a cow. I was beginning to think I had paid more for that bull than he
was worth. Anyhow, I had the Vet come and have a look at him. He said
the bull...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

There was a homeless man with a sign that said “1 dollar for dirty joke."

Seemed like a good investment to me so | gladly
handed over a dollar.

Homeless man: “There is black rooster alright? How many legs
does that chicken have?"

Me: “Two?”

Homeless man: “Right, now how many wings this black rooster
got?”

Me: “Two?”

Homeless man...

[NSFW] So yesterday I went out side and punched a white person, I was charged with assault, today I went outside and punched a black person...

...I was charged with impersonating a police officer.

Where do black pastas live?

In the spaghetto

What did the black death say to the Corona virus?

Well plaqued.

Spanish flu: Am I a joke to you

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Becoming White

A 5 year old African American wanted to see what it was like to be white so he covered himself in sugar. He went up to his mother and said “look mama I’m a white boy now!” and she punches him in the face and he then goes to his father and says “look pops I’m a white boy now!” and he takes off his be...

I saw a black guy riding a bike yesterday...

Thought it was mine.
Then i checked the garage and it was still there chained up, asking for food

If you aren't impressed with the picture of the first Black Hole

you clearly don't understand the gravity of the situation

I just realized that the Black Pearl was undermanned...

It was operating with a skeleton crew

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

You know why black people love watching sports?

Easy, cause they dominate that shit.


It's the same reason white people watch the History Channel.

The Man In Black was talking to an Alien in a coffee shop.

He asks, "what kind of currency does Space use?"
The Alien points to the cup of coffee and said, "Starbucks"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

You may call me a racist.

But I won't tell black people jokes.

As a school project, we wanted to perform a Jesus play

but the only guy who had the traditional famous Jesus look had blonde hair.

We begged him to dye it black, but he refused.

After explaining it to his parents, they agreed to let their son dye for our scenes.

Spanish doctor works at my hospital. Never wears PPE, never washes his hands. Just dips his fingers in black ink constantly. It's a bit weird, so I ask him how he stays safe and what the ink is for.

He just smiles and says:

"No one infects the Spanish ink physician"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you call a black man and a Chinese man stuck in traffic?

Rush hour

If Black Panther made Jewish bread for Thor's party

would it be T'Challa's Valhalla gala challah?

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you call a black guy named Kyle

Kyle you fucking racist

What's the name of the Arch nemesis of Sirius black?

Casual White

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An Irish Skydiver

Paddy was telling Mick about his first sky-dive.

When I got to the door of the plane I just couldn't jump so the 6ft 7inch black instructor unzips his fly and says: 'If you don't jump you're getting this baby right up your arse!' "

Mick asks: "Did you jump?"

Paddy replies: "A l...

Blacks and whites should be separated

It’s not so hard to do the laundry correctly

What did Joe Biden say to the cappuccino?

You ain’t black.

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