UPJOKE

Black Friend Jokes

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My black friend and I were in the library when he asked where the coloured printer was.

I said, "Shit, man, it's 2018. You can use whatever printer you want."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My black friend said he doesn't watch the tv show "Friends," because it's racist.

How can it be racist though when it doesn't even have black people in it?!?

It's true that I only have one black friend...

...but it sounds better when I say half of my friends are black.

My black friend told me I can't celebrate Martin Luther King Day because I am white

If that's true, then he can't celebrate Father's Day.

My black friend tried telling me this dad joke

But he didn’t have one.

In the 1950s I had a black friend who was so cool

He always sat at the back of the bus

I Asked My Black Friend If He Wanted to Go on a Cruise with me.

He said that his ancestors made that same mistake and that he's not falling for it.

A black friend of mine...

...said he's thinking of bleaching his skin. Said our society is tilted in favor of the white man. He's tired of being downtrodden. Yadda, yadda, yadda.

I told him to lighten up.

I lose my White friends in the snow, I lose my Black friends at night, I lose my Asian friends in the sand, where do I lose my Arab friends?

In an explosion.

So my black friend told me that he had a dream.....

Black friend: I have a dream and want to persue it.
Me: It would be better if you don't pursue it.
Black friend: Why do you say that?
Me: Because the last black guy who had a dream, got shot in a motel.

My black friend thinks I'm really smart for a white person.

He calls me a wise cracker.

I brough my black friend home to meet my mom. She called him a drug dealer...

I told her to put her cash back in her purse.

My mom embarassed me me today when one of my black friends came over..she just kept saying "Is he a drug dealer? He looks like a drug dealer"

I said "No mom that's racist...and put your money away"

One of my black friends told me this, and I didn't know if I should laugh: What do you call a black hitchhiker?

Stranded

I'll admit it, I'm a white Redditor who has no black friends.

Come to think of it, I don't have any friends.

So singing some rap songs with my black friends in the car and they are picking on me because as a white guy I am not allowed to say the n word when it pops up in the songs.

But jokes on them, I can say a lot of other words that they can’t.
Like “thank you officer have a nice day.”
And also “happy birthday uncle dad”

I used to have black friends

until my dad sold them :(

My black friends really enjoy hearing my lame jokes.

It's almost like they've never been told dad jokes before...

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a white dude with a small dick

asks his black friend "man, it's a common knowledge you folks have a big dick, how'd ya do it?"
"Nope," says the friends, "that's family secrets I can't disclose."
The white dude begs and pleas until eventually the friend yields and tells him
"Ok, that's what you do. You find a large stone ...

The power of Pepsi

So a couple of friends of mine, one black, one white were at a protest and wondered which carbonated drink makes the police the most peaceful. Turns out it really is Pepsi. You see, my white friend went up to the front of the protest and shouted to the cops "Anybody wanna buy some Pepsi?!" and the c...

Dark Humour isn’t that popular anymore....

Is my way of telling my Black Friend he’s not funny.

Is My Joke Racially Motivated

If My Black Friend Told Me To Say It?

I hate it when..

I hate it when my black friend disappears in the dark,

My white friend in snow,

My Chinese friend in sand,

And my Middle-Eastern friend in drone strikes.

How do you know Joe Biden is a neoliberal?

He's always talking about his one black friend.

A white guy and black argue if God is black or white...

Two friends are walking down a street arguing with one another about God being black or white. After arguing for many hours they both agree that they will go to a church and pray for the answer. They both enter the church and start praying asking God for an answer. Finally a loud voice fills the roo...

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One day 3 kindergartners decided to compare their dicks during recess.

The first two were close in size but the third had a much larger penis. The first two boys quickly decided the third boy didn't count because he was black and "everyone knows black people have large wee-wees."

The black friend was hurt by this and when he went home he told his mom all about ...

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A joke about black aviation.

So my cousin is in aviation school. He decided to learn how to fly so he can propose to his fiance. Anyway almost all of the other students in his class are black people. Nothing wrong with that, it was just weird because it's in an area with very few african americans. So it's weird to see that man...

My friends are named after what they do...

My friend Butch is a butcher, my friend Taylor is a tailor, and my black friend's name is Rob

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