UPJOKE

Behind Bars Jokes

A crow was arrested an put behind bars.

His lawyer, a lawyer bird obviously, visited him.
"How bad is it?" The crow asked.

"Pretty bad." The lawyer bird replied. "They had a warrant to go through your phone."

"So what?" The crow said. "I've got nothing to hide."

"They found the texts to your friends." The lawyer b...

Danny DeVito was behind bars, allegedly for financial crimes against his wife...

During his stint in lockdown, he earned the nickname, "Powerhouse."

His new cellmate, seeing how short and squat and old he was, asked him, "Man, how did you ever get the name 'powerhouse?'"

"It's short for 'the powerhouse of the cell block." But his cellmate still looked perplexed, so...

The nice about putting a strangler behind bars.

Is that afterwards everyone can breathe a little bit easier.

I saw a piece of toast behind bars at the zoo.

The sign said, "Bread in captivity."

What's black and always behind bars?

Guinness

(You bunch of racists)

My girlfriend got braces yesterday…

Now my children are stuck behind bars…

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My friend once said, "If I wasn't making cocktails, I'd be a criminal."

Now he's behind bars.

A biker is passing the zoo when he sees a little girl leaning into the lion’s cage.

Suddenly, the lion grabs her by the cuff of her jacket and tries to pull her inside to slaughter her under the eyes of her screaming parents.

The biker jumps off his bike, runs to the cage and hits the lion square on the nose with a powerful punch. Whimpering from the pain the lion jumps back...

What did the cat say when it was wrongfully accused of a crime and sent behind bars?

"Let Meowt!!!!"

Why don't criminals hang out in front of pubs?

Because they usually end up behind bars.

What's the difference between husbands and prisoners?

Prisoners complain behind bars. Husbands complain in them.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Three prisoners are being transported to the prison where they will spend the rest of their lives. On the way there they have a chat about the things they're taking with them.

The first prisoner says:

- I've got a drawing kit. When I'm behind bars, I want to spend the rest of my life making art.

The second says:

- I've got cards. Now I can play stuff like poker, blackjack or bridge.

The third one says:

- And I've got a box of tampons....

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What is it when u cum in the mouth of a chick that has braces?

The 1st time u see ur kid behind bars!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My friend told me that If he wasn’t mixing cocktails, he’d be a criminal.

Either way, he’s behind bars.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The new ex convict to bartender training scheme was a success!

All the participants ended up behind bars.

Have you heard about the rappers ghost writer going to jail

He was behind bars

So 6ix9ine walks into a bar

No he doesn’t. He walks behind bars.

What job can prisoners do?

Serving drinks, because it's working behind bars.

Why do Australians abroad always work in pubs?

They're used to being behind bars.

I believe in the idea of a Free Will.

I just really don't think he should be behind bars. Free Will!

An ex-con walks into a bar.

He asked the owner for a job application. The owner asked. “Do you have any experience as a bartender?” The Ex-con replied, “Not exactly, but I’ve spent my whole life behind bars.”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Back in the day, Chicago was run by the Irish mob

Now, before the Italian mob took over- I'm sure you all know Al Capone, Frank Nitti, Lucky Luciano, and the like- Prohibition era Chicago was run by the Irish mob.

The Irish gangs owned Chicago outright for a solid 18 months after Prohibition went into effect, before police raids, pressure fr...

A bartender walks into a bar

The bartender says to the bartender

“Welcome to my bar fellow bartender, what can I get you? Some bar food perhaps?”

To which the bartender replied

“I’ll have a steak bar the barbecue sauce.” Said the bartender

The bartender, a little offended that the bartender barred t...

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