UPJOKE

Be Ugly Jokes

I wish I could be ugly for one day.

Being ugly every day sucks.

Calculators May Be Ugly On The Outside

But Its What's On The Inside That Counts.

I used to be ugly, but then I bought an acoustic guitar

Now I'm ugly and annoying

My dad always said

"don't be mad 'cause you're ugly. Be mad 'cause it'll never go away. BUT, if you're gonna be ugly, at least be funny. Because the longer they laugh, the longer they keep their eyes closed."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A guy walks into a bar

He has his dog with him. It's an ugly little yellow dog. He sits down at the bar next to a Marine.

The Marine has his dog with him. It's a German Shepherd, and it bristles at the ugly little yellow dog.

The Marine says "Son, you need to get your ugly little yellow dog out of here, or m...

Little Jimmy and Suzy are in class when their teacher begins to go over grammar and sentences.

The teacher looks at Suzy first and says
"Suzy can you use the word stupid in a sentence?
"Yes I can. Jimmy is very stupid."
"Great!" said the teacher. "Now can you use ugly in a sentence?"
"Jimmy is very ugly."
The teacher turns to Jimmy and says "Can you upstage her, Jimmy? Try us...

Apparently there are two rules to win in life...

1. Never be poor.
2. Never be ugly.

Well, the joke's on me.

If I had £1 for every woman who found me unattractive

I'd still be ugly, but I'd be richer.

A man finds a bottle

A man was walking along the beach when he came across an old glass bottle with a cork in it. Curious, he pulled out the cork, and with a loud bang and a cloud of smoke, a genie appeared.

Excited, the man asked "Does this mean I get three wishes?"

"Yes," said the genie. "But all my wis...

My girlfriend wants a lumber themed breast tattoo

“Seems like it would be ugly, wooden tit?”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

With all the stories about how everyone's being sexually harassed

...I'm starting to think I might be ugly.

Guys you don’t need to be attractive to never get rejected

Just be ugly enough that no girl wants to talk to you, it’s worked out for me..... so..... yay..

I've been called Handsome

I may be ugly as hell, but at least I got some hands

[MORAL] It's not always a bad thing to be last!

All the ugly people on earth die and go to heaven. Being that they had to live ugly all their lives, god decided to grant them all one wish! One by one in a line they start to get their wish granted... "I want to beautiful, I want to be smart and beautiful". After days of waiting and listening to ev...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Say it with potatos

Well, there are a lot of reasons. I mean, roses only last like a couple weeks
and that's if you leave them in water. Also they really only exist to be pretty. That's like saying "my love for you is transitory and based solely on your appearance", but a potato! Potatos last for fucking ever. In fa...

Bob Weir's yellow dog story

"Now what I think I'll do, is I'll take this opportunity to tell y'all a story. 'Cause y'all haven't heard it yet. And it

goes like this. There was a fellow, and he had a dog, a pet dog. And he used to walk his dog around, every now and

again. And anyway, well, it was a hot summer da...

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