Be Prepared Jokes - 20 Hilarious Be Prepared Jokes

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The Indians on a remote reservation in Oklahoma asked their new chief if the coming winter was going to be cold or mild:

The Indians on a remote reservation in Oklahoma asked their new chief if the coming winter was going to be cold or mild:
Since he was a chief in modern society, he had never been taught the old secrets. When he looked at the sky, he couldn't tell what the winter was going to be like.
Never...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you call a llama that hoards anything and everything to be prepared?

An all-packa

My wife has been missing for over a week.

The police said to be prepared for the worst. So I had to go to Goodwill to get all her clothes back.

“You’d better be prepared for the jump into hyperspace. It’s unpleasantly like being drunk.”

"What's so unpleasant about being drunk?"

"Ask a glass of water!”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A young man tells his Mom he’s gay

A young man decides that the upcoming holiday is a good time to tell his Mom that he's gay. He's in college, making new friends, and will eventually want to bring one of them home to meet the family. He spends the drive home going over the conversation, what he'll say, what she'll say, how he'll ans...

What's the difference between a Boy Scout and a guy who fixes bicycle horns?

One's motto is 'Be Prepared', the other's is 'Beep Repaired'

EDIT:I reached r/all, I promised a friend of mine that I would stop calling his mom hot if I reached all.

He sends his regards...

You've gotta be prepared these days, so I've bought myself an air raid shelter for the back yard.

I've requested it comes with sound proofing, doors that lock from the inside and enough supplies to last for a week.

It should be ready in time for my wife's next period.

Q: Why did the blonde take her car to the Scout jamboree to get its horn fixed?

A: Someone told her the Scout motto is “Be prepared”.

A Native American asked his chief about the coming winter

"How bad will this winter be?" He asked.

"It is good to be prepared. Get some firewood ready" replied the chief.

The chief then called his friend in the national weather service to ask him. " How bad will this winter be?"

The meteorologist said "this will be a pretty cold winter...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A wise constipated philosopher spoke about life after a period of deep contemplation

He said "shit happens and we must all be prepared"

I never order shrimp-fried rice.

Call me old fashioned, but I like my food to be prepared by a human.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A jew and a goy are seated together in a train compartment. No one else joins them and as the train gets underway, the goy decides to engage the jew in a conversation.

The goy asks the jew all sorts of questions about his religion. The jew patiently answers them all.
Eventually they take out their pack lunches and continue the conversation. The goy asks:

« Why is it you people are so smart? »

The jew thinks about it for a while and responds:
...

Bear & Human encounters

If bears and humans live in close proximity, they can be prepared ahead of time for such encounters. Obtain airhorns and pepper spray.

If the first couple of blasts of an airhorn doesn't scare them off, then run at them with an airhorn blasting. If you get close enough, use the pepper spray...

Jim Just Started a Class on Logic

On the Friday before the first weekend of the semester, the Professor announces that there will be a quiz the following week, and it will be a surprise. By a "surprise", he clarifies that while he knows when the quiz will be, the students **will not know** which day the quiz will be ahead of time, s...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Zeus is offering a seat in his Pantheon for the first person to complete his trials of strength.

An esteemed hero of all men approaches Olympus and thinks hey, why the hell not. If I lose I may be disappointed, but if I win I will join the legendary Gods of the Pantheon!

So he makes his way to Zeus, excited to see what is in store for him in order to prove his worth to the Gods. Along th...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Native American Chief was asked by somebody on his reservation how cold the coming winter will be...

He isn't sure what to say, but to be safe he responds, "It will be very cold. Start collecting firewood to prepare."

Later that week he realizes that he might be wrong with his prediction, so he walks into the city and uses a pay phone to call the local weather station.

He asks them, ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The power of booze.

Chapayev was a famous Red Army commander during the Russian Civil War.
He often travelled with a young aid named Peter.
One day they were holding a farm until reinforcements would arrive.

- Commander, I got from the radio that the enemy is five miles away!
- Let's drink to it.
Th...

Frank's wife goes missing

Frank's wife goes missing and a week later he bumps into his friend Larry on the street. "Frank! How are you? You look a little worse for wear. Any news on your wife?"

"Hi Larry, I'm alright. They said I should be prepared for the worst."

"Oh god that's awful!" Larry sympathises.
...

How many Republicans does it take to change a lightbulb?

Just one really, but be prepared to spend about $8 million USD in "Campaign Donations" if you ever want one to care about somebody else's problem

Your cat died.

A guy goes on a trip abroad and has his best friend stay with his mom to help with her and cat-sit his cat. A couple days go by and he calls his friend and asks how his cat is and he replies "Sorry, but your cat was run over and died."
"Why would you break it to me like that? I need to be prep...

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.