Be Kill Jokes - 13 Hilarious Be Kill Jokes

I see that in the US they're complaining about halal meat. They want their meat to be killed the American way...

....but, honestly, what are the chances of a cow enrolling in high school and being shot by a classmate?

I will never be killed by a sniper

Not by a long shot

A woman on death row is going to be killed soon

The guard asks her what she would like for her last meal.

She responds, "I don't know, whatever you want."

Three people became shipwrecked on an island inhabited by cannibals.

They were swiftly captured and told they would be killed, cooked, eaten, and their skin would be used to line the tribe’s canoes, but they would be able to choose how they died.

The first man, a British man, decided he wanted to die by the sword. In an instant, a tribesman cut his head off. ...

A man is about to be killed...

A man is about to be killed and is brought to the town square.
The mayor of the town asks the man if he would like to be burned at the steak or have his head chopped off. The man replies that be would prefer to be burned. The mayor has seen many people killed and most select having their heads cu...

In Canada, you are more likely to be killed by a kick of a moose than by a terrorist attack.

Those damn moose limbs!

A Blonde, a Brunette, and A Red Head are sentenced to death.

They are lined up in the yard to be killed. The main guard went up to the Brunette. “You have a choice on how you would like to die: by electric chair, firing squad, or hanging. Which will it be?”

The Brunette replied, “I’ll take the electric chair.”

She was led away by two other guar...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An actual joke that was told by Jews during World War II

An SS man says to a Jew in a concentration camp: "You are to be killed today, but I will give you a chance. One of my eyes is a glass eye. If you can guess which one it is, I will give you your life."

The Jew looks at the SS man and says, "The left one, Herr Corporal."

"That is correct...

Hunger Games : Mockingjay

For the last installments of the Hunger Games series, the director has decided to make a change. In the new movies, Philip Seymour Hoffman will unexpectedly be killed by the heroine.

Cannibals capture three men

The men are told that they will be skinned and eaten and then their skin will be used to make canoes. Then they are each given a final request. The first man asks to be killed as quickly and painlessly as possible. His request is granted, and they poison him. The second man asks for paper and pen so...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An Englishman, a Frenchman and an Australian, are hiking through the South American jungle

When all of sudden, they see a crystal clear pool at the foot of a mountain. They're all hot and tired, so naturally, they strip off and jump in, and to their surprise, that are captured by natives. They are brought in front of the chief and told that the pool is sacred. He tells them that they are ...

A priest, an alcoholic, and an engineer are sentenced to death.

They are to be killed by the guillotine.

First is the priest. The executioner says "You can go on the guillotine either face up or face down". The priest says "I want to die face up, looking up to the heavens". So the priest lies face up. The executioner releases the blade; the blade falls ra...

A mathematician, a physicist, and an engineer are all found guilty of treason...

and are sentenced to beheading by guillotine.

On the day of the triple execution, they are brought to be beheaded. The priest blesses the execution, saying all is done in God's name, and the King orders the three executed.

The mathematician is to be killed first, and the executioner gi...

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