UPJOKE

Be Helpful Jokes

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I got fired from my job at the sperm bank. I was just trying to be helpful...

But apparently telling all the patients “It sure takes balls to do what you’re doing” wasn’t appreciated

A friend of mine called and asked for $500 to pay the rent.

Yesterday a friend called & asked if I could loan her $500 to help her pay her rent. I wanted to be helpful to someone in such need. I told her, let me check my account & l will call you right back. Before I could double check, her sister calls & says, "Don’t give her any money because s...

Yoda and Luke are walking through the swamp. Part of their usual training course involves shimmying along a cliff ledge, but today, there’s a long break in the ledge they can’t cross...

“Something for this I have.” Yoda says. He reaches into his bag and takes out a bunch of regular dinner table forks and a roll of duct tape.

He tapes several forks together to make a bridge and lays it down, allowing the two of them to get across.

When they get back to Yoda’s hovel, th...

Two ships crash into each other on a densely foggy day on the ocean.

The two captains (a man and a woman) wind up in the same hospital and they fall in love. They give up their sailing careers to raise a family.

When the wife was almost ready to give birth, they decided it would be really sweet if their child chose a career that would be helpful in preventing...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

There was a little boy whose mother was about to have a baby. One day the little boy walked in and saw his mother naked.

He asked his mother what the hair between her legs was.

She responded,"My washcloth."

Weeks later after the mother had the baby, the young boy walked in on his mother again. While she was in the hospital, the doctor shaved her pubic hair.

The boy asked his mother, "What happen...

[long] Grandpa tells his stories of his time in the war

Susie's fifth-grade class was studying history, and she got permission to bring her grandfather in to class so they could hear his stories of being a wartime fighter pilot over Germany.

"We were the best fighter squad, given all the most dangerous missions," he told them. "Once, Jerry caught ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Do you have an idea what it is like living with a tiny penis?

I am doing a paper, and would be helpful to do an interview an expert.

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