UPJOKE

Be Fair Jokes

In a freak accident today, a photographer was killed when a huge lump of cheddar landed on him.

To be fair, the people who were being photographed did try to warn him.

After the UN summit, it was really shameful to see so many people basically openly mocking a mentally challenged child.

Though to be fair, Trump kinda had it coming.

To be fair, Donald Trump HAS created a lot of jobs.

It’s going to take a lot of people to clean up this mess.

To be fair to Prince Phillip...

He hasn't been involved in a car accident since 1997

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The Maid asked the master's wife for a pay raise!!

The wife was very upset about this, and decided to talk to her about the raise. She asked “Now Maria, why do you want a pay increase?”
Maria: “Well, Señora, there are tree reasons why I wanna increaze.” “The first is that I iron better than you.”
Wife: “Who said you iron better than me?”...

To be fair Hillary once took someone's speech.

Afterward Vince Foster didn't walk much either.

To be fair Theresa May warned of a coalition of chaos propped up by extremist terrorist sympathisers

She just didn't say she'd be leading it

Using every letter in the alphabet in just one sentence makes things difficult, but to be fair...

quiz wax

My wife asked me to pray for her mother's cancer, and to be fair, God answered my prayer.

She died.

I got banned from playing soccer for 10 years for a tackle. To be fair it was a bit late.

He was getting into his car at the time.

My wife left me because I never put the toilet seat down.

To be fair, I'm not quite sure why I started carrying it around with me.

A guy comes home from work and he is clearly upset.

His wife looks concerned and asks him what's wrong. He shakes his head and refuses to say anything.

Later, during dinner, he's just pushing his food around on his plate and staring out the window.

"Honey, what is it? I've never seen you like this before," the wife says.

"It's . ...

I tend to confuse Tony Hawk with Stephen Hawking

To be fair, they both love ramps

A priest, a rabbi and a minister

A priest, a rabbi and a minister are in a bar…

Talk get around to how they handle their respective donations from the collection plates.

“Well,” says the priest, “to be fair, I draw a chalk circle on the floor, and toss all the money in the air. What falls inside the circle goes to the...

Need help solving a joke with no punchline

In April 1998, Roger Ebert published his review of Paulie, a movie about a talking bird on a road trip. He wrapped up the essay with a joke he claims to have made up.

"On the other hand, just to be fair, I should mention that parrots make great subjects for jokes. I know about a dozen, includ...

I’m looking for jokes that you have to work out. My favourite is the one in the below, which was posted here by another user. Does anyone else have any similar ones that you have to think about before finding the funny?

In a freak accident today, a photographer was killed when a huge lump of cheddar landed on him.

To be fair, the people who were being photographed did try to warn him.

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My uncle used to work in a butcher shop. He got fired for putting his dick in the sausage maker...

...to be fair, she got fired too. But then they got married and had a couple kids, so it all worked out.

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A man invites some of his fetish club over for breakfast....

They are catching up on life and swapping stories about work, their grandkids’ birthdays, their recent stock market fortunes, and so on, when the subject of what they’re most proud of comes up.


Gerald, a 35 year old dentist, proudly exclaims, “Of everyone here, I by far, have the larges...

TIL humans eat more bananas than monkeys.

To be fair, most humans do not eat a lot of monkeys.

Guys, I just broke up an attempted murder...

But to be fair, those crows shouldn't have been gathering in the middle of the road

My wife ran off with my best friend

To be fair he wasn't my best friend before that.

I'm really annoyed, my wifes sister sat on my glasses and broke them!

to be fair, it was probably my fault for leaving them on

I won the first place in the Politically correct quiz contest

To be fair, so did the rest of them

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Two guys are talking about dc vs marvel

P1: Dude i cant watch dc movies they're too dark.

P2: Well to be fair so is marvel. Thanos killed half the universe.

P1: No like they're literally too dark I cant fucking see anything

My wife has informed me she is leaving me for my best mate.

To be fair, he was just a mate until she told me.

A guy walks into a bar and orders a beer.

"Did you know that geese kill more humans than sharks each year?" the guy asks the bartender. "Yes, but let's be fair about it," the bartender replies. "It's really hard for a goose to kill a shark."

I won the first place in the Political Correctness Quiz contest..

To be fair,so did everyone else...

I work at a pharmaceutical research lab, and we managed to kill a rat with marijuana today.

To be fair, it took around 20 lbs of it and we had to drop it on him a few times.

I must confess, I have repeatedly kicked a helpless, pregnant woman.

But to be fair, I was a fetus, what was I supposed to do?

I work a book store and this snobby woman comes in every day asking for the same stupid Stephen King book...

I work a book store and this snobby woman comes in every day asking for the same stupid Stephen King book... And every time she gets rude when I tell her we don't have it.

Finally today I lost my temper and screamed at her to take her entitled attitude and get out of the store. There was some...

Two Thai girls asked me if I wanted to sleep with them.

They said it would be like winning the lottery... To be fair they were right, we had six matching balls!

My parents didn't have much money when I was young. One Christmas my mates all got new consoles but I just got a bat and ball.

To be fair the ball was alright. The bat was useless though - it just hung upside in my wardrobe all day.

Apparently humans eat more bananas than monkeys

To be fair I don't remember the last time I ate a monkey

I told my date that I've got a thing for asses, but she didn't approve.

To be fair, I should've just said that I own a stable.

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Student Says He’s Too Smart for First Grade.

A first grade teacher was having trouble with one of her students named Johnny. One day, she asked Johnny what his problem was and he replied,
“I’m too smart for the first grade, my sister is in the third grade and I’m smarter than her too.”

The teacher took him to the principal’s office a...

So I decided to name my cat sox.

to be fair I started with two cats but lost one in the wash.

My dad said It was Daniel Gabriel Fahrenheit and Anders Celsius to create the terms used for thermometer scales

I replied: Don't you think it's egocentric to name everything after yourself?
He said: well, to be fair they both worked hard for their degrees!

Well, I don't drink anymore.

To be fair, I don't drink any less.

Went out with this girl I met on Ok Cupid, I think we clicked, but I never asked her out again. I know this makes me shallow, I just couldn't handle how many kids she had.

To be fair, it was my own fault, she clearly stated in her profile that she was a goat farmer...

My Friend and I were exploring the Appalachia on Fallout 76

Well, that was until I shot him in the head with my pistol.

Now, to be fair, I did have an airtight alibi for this.

I Didn't Know the Gun Was Loaded.

Who Is the Greatest Chicken-killer in Shakespeare?

Macbeth, because to be fair he did murder most foul.

My girlfriend asked if I was Happy

to be fair, she always gets us dwarves confused

My mom always said I'd never accomplish anything other than being born.

To be fair to her, that was my crowning achievement.

“Daddy, why are you so fat?”

“Well, honey, being smart, handsome, rich, talented, AND thin just wouldn’t be fair, now would it?”

I Won a fight, 3 against 1

To be fair, having two guys help you out makes it a really easy fight.

My overweight parrot has just passed away

To be fair, it's a weight off my shoulders.

I just lost an argument with a pencil.

To be fair, it had a point.

Tax.

Suppose that every day, ten men go out for beer and the bill for all ten comes to £100...
If they paid their bill the way we pay our taxes, it would go something like this...

The first four men (the poorest) would pay nothing.
The fifth would pay £1.
The sixth would pay £3.
The se...

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My 3 year old son has it out for me.

To be fair I did fuck his mom.

My wife got mad at me just because I accidentally hoovered up her contact lenses.

To be fair, she was wearing them at the time.

My girl friend was in the bathroom for hours getting ready to go out. When finally the door swung open, she said "Honestly, do I look fat in this?"

I replied "Yes love, but to be fair, it's only a small bathroom".

I'm just back from my friend's funeral. He died after a tennis ball hit his head...

It was a beautiful service, to be fair...

No one laughed at my pre-workout routine joke

To be fair, it was a bit of a stretch.

It seems like timers are always ticked off.

To be fair they are constantly getting wound up.

Muslim Romance

A Muslim wife complains to her husband that all the romance had gone out of their marriage.

“Remember when you used to carry me up to bed?", she asked.

"Yes," he replied, “but to be fair, you were only nine at the time!”

I've memorized the hippocratic oath! It goes: 'Clack clack clack clack clack!'

To be fair, it's the Hungry Hungry Hippocratic oath.

Sergeant Wilson was appalled to discover that ten of his men were late arriving back at camp following their leave.

As he waited impatiently at the camp gates, one of his men finally ran up to him, panting heavily.

“Sorry, sir, I can explain,” said the soldier.

“Soldier, this better be good.” responded his sergeant.

So the soldier told Sergeant Wilson his story. “Sir, you see, I had a date, a...

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I just had sex for the first time today.

To be fair, I only woke up 10 minutes ago.

Two cannibals are eating a guy

They can’t quite figure out how to divide the body so they decide in order to be fair one should start at the head and the other at the feet.
Without looking up the cannibal working on the head asks how the other cannible is doing,
He replies, “I’m having a ball!”
First cannible shouts “SL...

A man found a magic lamp

He stroked it and a genie appeared. The genie said: "You have freed me from my ancient prison, where I was kept in for more than two thousand years. As a reward, I will grant you three wishes". The man replied: "As you were imprisoned for two thousand years and I set you free, wouldn't it be fair fo...

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In light of recent events I figured I should apologize to the woman who I masturbated in front of without permission.

To be fair though, you should have knocked Mom.

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