Bar One Jokes

They all agreed he looked Cannelloni.

EDIT; Thank you for all the awards, I guess I pasta test!

So I said, “Cool accent, are you two ladies from Ireland?”

One of them snarled at me, “It’s Wales, dumbo!”

So I corrected myself, “Oh, right, so are you two whales from Ireland?”

That’s about as far as I remember.

He had a few too many when he saw three obese girls come up to the bartender and order some drinks. The man noticed they had strong accents, which grabbed his attention.

The women were there for a while and were quite loud and a bit rude. Feeling rather buzzed, the man looked over to the girl... read more

even though he promised his wife he won’t because he always gets too drunk. After many drinks he decided it’s time to go. He pays his tab and pushes himself off of the bar stool. He lands face first on the floor. So he pulled himself back up onto the bar stool. After a few minutes and a cup of coffe... read more

Just goes to show, never book a judge by his cover.

A stunner of a woman walked up to the bar sat down right next to me. A booty to die for and rack that hadn’t fallen yet, I couldn’t help taking a glance at her. She smiled back at me, and not in an unkindly way.

I asked if I could buy her the next drink. She accepted. We started talking. She ... read more

This FAT ugly chick came up behind me, grabbed my behind and said,
"You're kinda cute. You gotta phone number?"
I said, "Yeah, you gotta pen?"
She said, "Yeah, I got a pen".
I said, "You better get back in it before the farmer misses you."

And he meets this beautiful woman. They go home and spend the night with each other. The next morning when they wake up Thor says "You know I must tell you... I am Thor." The woman replies "You're Thor? I can hardly walk."


Stolen from Chris Hemsworth on The Graham Norton Show

. One of the patrons at the bar saw him and helped him get to a barstool and get a drink. After a few minutes, the blind man leaned over to his new friend and said, "I just heard the world's best blonde joke. Would you like to hear it?"

The other man said, "Friend, before you say another word... read more

They enjoyed each other's company very much and at the end of the evening Sharon invited Murphy to her place, where they quickly got involved in a very passionate and energetic session in bed together.


Finally, tired and satisfied, they both lay back in the bed and snuggled up close to ... read more

They have a good old-time drinking, discussing theory, students and their mistakes, current research ideas, and anything and everything in between.

One researcher, who appears to be the leader of this group, orders a round of drinks for everyone and introduces himself to the barkeep as Arthu... read more

I was at a local bar when a woman at a table a few feet away from me sneezed, and her glass eye came out. I caught it. I handed it back to her she popped it in and said thank you. She was a beautiful woman.

Gorgeous face stunning body and a beautiful smile to boot. The woman of my dreams ri... read more

Mildred was the church gossip and self-appointed monitor of the church's morals. She kept sticking her nose into other people's business, even if several members did not approve of her extra-curricular activities. However, they feared her enough to maintain their silence.

Once, she accused a ... read more

One of the patrons tells him he'll buy the old sot a drink, but first he has to take a drink from the spittoon over in the corner.
The wino is in a bad way, so he takes the guy up on his offer, goes over and picks up the spittoon, raises it to his lips, and starts chugging away.
The guy at the... read more

The next day he returns to the bar sits down and orders a coffee. The bartender sarcastically asks," are you sure you don't want another shot of whiskey?" Holding his stomach, and wiping his mouth the man says," I drank so much last night that I went home and blew chunks." The bartender says, "see w... read more