UPJOKE
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Balks Jokes

A man balks in a war

He's charged for dereliction of duty and takes up drinking.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Snape glares at Harry as he arrives late to class.

“Late again, Mr. Potter?", he snarls, "One hundred points from Gryffindor.”



Harry balks, “One hundred points?! Are you fucking serious?!”



Snape grows even paler than usual as looks down and says, “Albus told you, didn't he?”

City Slicker's Mule

A local farmer is watching his new neighbor from the city trying to put up his mule in the barn. But the mule won't go in, so the city slicker starts hacking away at the top of the barn door.

The farmer yells over the fence, Hey what are you doing, what's the problem?

City slicker say...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

John was walking on the beach...

Enjoying a nice stroll along the water when he stumbles upon a woman with no arms or legs. John approaches the woman who says to him, “hello, I’ve never been hugged before. Will you hug me?”

John, feeling sorry for the limbless woman decides to oblige her request, and hugs her before going ab...

Swedish superstition

An American woman is married to a Swedish guy. Their marriage is otherwise happy but (i) they are both in Reddit and (ii) she has noticed that every now and then he seems to disappear in the middle of the night and come back with a strange smell about him.
Then one night she's not quite asleep ye...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man walks into a bar and orders 9 shots...

The bartender balks for a moment then lines up nine glasses and begins to fill them. The bartender says, "I gotta admit, this is the first time I've had such a request. Are you celebrating or mourning?" The man didn't respond and started downing each shot back-to-back. After he had finished all 9, t...

A TV repair man goes on a call to fix a TV.

When he arrives, he notes the make and model of the TV. He walks off to the side and smacks the TV. Instantly the TV starts to work again, the picture is better than ever. He then walks back to the dumbfound customer and hands him a bill for $200. The customer balks at the bill. "$200?! There's no w...

A guy passes a store selling cheap trinkets from around the world

A small figurine in the window catches his eye. It's a little rabbit with a mallet getting ready to hit some mochi. The man recognises this as the rabbit in the moon from the story and decides he really likes it. He goes inside and asks the sales clerk about the price.

Upon hearing the price,...

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