UPJOKE

Bags Of Jokes

A guy rides his motorcycle through the border from Spain to France every week carrying two bags of sand.

The border guard searched the bags every time, but never found anything, so he had to let him through. The guard has his last day at work before retiring and the guy comes to the border again, carrying his two bags of sand. The guard says "look, man, it's my last day, I'm not going to bust you. You...

Back in my day I went to the store with only $1 and came back with 2 bags of chips, 1 carton of milk, and 3 boxes of chocolate

Now they have cameras

I remember when I was a kid I could go to a store with a dollar and get two big bags of chips, a 2 liter of Sprite, 6 bags of Skittles and 6 Slim Jims.

Nowadays they have cameras everywhere inside.

My local hospital brought in a priest to bless all the bags of IV saline…

…but they got in trouble for using God’s name in vein.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Home Depot said they had bags of manure on the floor of the garden section.

Lying sacks of shit.

If I have three bags of sour skittles and a child steals one bag of my sour skittles. What will I have at the end of the day?

Three bags of skittles and a small body to hide.

Me: I need 8 pills, 4 bags of weed, a couple of tabs of lsd, oceanic.

Dealer: Sure, although what do you mean by oceanic?

Me: Anagram of cocaine.

Why do bags of potato chips have so much less chips these days?

Inflation

3 bags of crisps walking down the road .. a bloke pulls up ,says hay guys wanna lift?

No thanks they replied we’re walkers

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Remember the good old days when you can walk into a gas station with $1 and walk out with two bags of chips, beef jerky, and a drink?

Nowadays, there’s cameras everywhere.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A police officer sees a trail of $50 notes leading to an old woman with two bags of trash.

Curious he approaches the woman and asks:

"Excuse me Mam, but one of your bags has a hole".

The woman thanks him profoundly but he, still curious, asks:

"Hope you don't mind me snooping around but where did you get all that money?"
"Well, you see Mr.Officer, I have a lovel...

There is this guy on a motorcycle that takes two bags of sand over the France/Spain border every week.

The bags get investigated every week by the border police but he can never find anything wrong with the bags. After about two years of this happening the border police has to ask.

"Sir," the border police stops the man as he came by again, "this is my last day on the job and I will not tell a...

Back in the days, I'd only take just $1 with me to the supermarket and came back with 3 bottles of soda and 2 bags of crisps

But these days, there are surveillance cameras everywhere

I go to the store and buy 4 bags of chips and 6 sodas, if I eat 3 bags of chips and drinks 5 sodas what do I have?

No self-control.

What do you call bags of cocaine materials?

A crackoon.

With the second lockdown looming, I saw a man purchase 3 crates of San Miguel, 2 bottles of tequila, 6 bags of paella and a sombrero.

I think hispanic buying.

I saw my neighbor carrying bags of shopping up to his apartment, impressed, I offered him a hand.

He wasn’t thrilled with my applause

Little Sally comes home from school munching on a big bag of candy...

Her mother says, "Where'd you get the money for that!?"

Sally laughs and says, "Little Johnny bet me five dollars I couldn't climb up the flag pole! I did it, and I won!"

Her mother shakes her head. "You dummy! He was just trying to get a peek at your panties!"

"Oh no!" Little ...

A man is going across the border with different bicycles everyday with bags of sand on the handle bars

The border patrol searches methodically and carefully everyday in the sand and they are never able to find anything. An agent retired 7 years later meets the man in a cafe while they’re both getting a coffee. The man asked if he could buy the drink but a question would have to be answered. The man ...

My Jewish neighbor has been moving huge bags of yeast and empty kegs with weird symbols into his garage.

Turns out Hebrews

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My Irish relatives sent me 20 bags of shit

For me "Twenty turd" birthday..

A friend of mine started taking baby Ed class where they use bags of flour to represent babies

3 days later he came to class with a cake claiming his baby went through puberty.

When I was of 6, Mom would send me down to the corner store with $10 and I would get 5 bags of potato chips, 2 loaves of bread, 3 pack of milk, some cheese and 6 eggs.

You can't do that now, too many damn security cameras!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Yesterday I was buying 2 large bags of dog food from Walmart...

I was about to check out when a woman behind me asked if I had a dog. What did she think I had – an elephant?

Since I had little else to do, on impulse, I told her that no I didn’t have a dog, and that I was starting the Purina Diet again, although I probably shouldn’t because I ended up in ...

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