I read on the news that drinking is bad for you

So I quit reading the newspaper.

Red meat is not bad for you.

Fuzzy red meat is.

A 7-year-old is sitting on a park bench eating a chocolate bar. The man sitting next to him looks over and says, "Eating that many chocolate bars is bad for you."

The boy looks over and responds, "My great grandfather lived to be one hundred and five".

The man replies, "And he ate that much chocolate?"

"No" says the boy, "But he minded his own fckng business."

They say fast food is bad for you...

so I ate a sloth.

People say smoking is bad for you.

All I know is when I smoke, my brisket tastes amazing!

I saw a little boy at the bus stop eating a giant chocolate Easter bunny. I said, "Hey kid, eating that much chocolate at one time is bad for you." He looked me in the eye and said, "Well, my grandpa lived to 103."

"Oh, really? Did *he* eat a lot of chocolate?"

"No, he minded his own damn business."

**Edit:** Credit where due -- [/u/samvet21 informs me](/r/Jokes/comments/8cnjvk/i_saw_a_little_boy_at_the_bus_stop_eating_a_giant/dxhf9ku/) that the original joke was by Philadelphia comedian [Todd Gl...

If you're having eye spasms, I feel bad for you son

I got 99 problems but a twitch ain't one

As I was smoking, I decided to read the label and was honestly shocked to find out that smoking is bad for you

It made a die a little inside.

I'm not sure I believe all this stuff about genetically modified food being bad for you...

I feel fine and I just had a really tasty leg of salmon...

Smoking cigarettes isn't completely bad for you,

Just think, for every cigarette you smoke it takes 7 minutes off your student loans.

If smoking is so bad for you

How come it cures salmon?

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Too much of phone sex is bad for you...

it'll give you hearing aids

Beer is Bad for You

Beer contains female hormones! Yes, that's right, FEMALE hormones! Last month, Montreal University scientists released the results of a recent analysis that revealed the presence of female hormones in beer - hops contain Phytoestrogens - and that by drinking enough beer, men began to act like women....

Anarchy is bad for you.

So there's two guys at a bar and the first one says

##So, how's it been going with your anarchist club recently?

###I got kicked out recently, sadly.

##Kicked out? Why?

###I don't know, I was just following the rules!

Everyone says soda is bad for you...

but OJ will kill you.

Drinking tea is bad for you.

Tea is more dangerous than beer. You should avoid it, and just say NO.


I discovered this last night. I had drunk 14 beers, until 3:00 am at the pub, while my wife was sitting at home, drinking tea.


You should have seen how angry and violent she was when I got home.

...

High quality ads can be really bad for you.

They can cause ADHD.

I've never understood people who don't drink because it's "bad for you"

Honestly, I think they should lighten up and liver little.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A rabbit is hopping through the woods.

Hop! Hop! Hop! When he comes upon a giraffe.

Now, this giraffe is about to smoke some weed. The rabbit looks up at the giraffe and say, "Giraffe, don't smoke weed! Weed is a drug and drugs are bad, come running with me through the forest!"


The giraffe looks at the weed, then looks ...

If you thought alcohol was bad for your short term memory...

...just imagine what alcohol will do!

I saw a boy eating the grass between the cracks in the curb

I went up to him and said "don't eat the grass, it's bad for you"

He looked at me and said "I haven't had any food for the last 3 days. This is all I can find"

I told him to get up and to come over to my place to get him a better meal

He stopped and said "well, my sister, she ha...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

You guys keep getting this joke wrong. "What is red and bad for your teeth?"

A brick...

Now shut the fuck up.

King Arthur is on a mission and must leave the castle.

He worries that his wife, Queen Guinevere, may not stay faithful to him while he goes on his journey. So, he devises a belt that would poison the member of any man who attempts to have intercourse with her. The flesh will rot away, and it will need to be chopped off. With everything in place, he lea...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A monkey was casually waking in the woods on a moonlit night.

He saw an elephant drinking vodka and decided to go talk to him.
"My friend!" the monkey said- "Alcohol is bad for your health. Why don't you stop drinking and join me to enjoy the beauty of nature?"

The elephant thought about it for a second and decided to join the monkey.
The two of t...

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