UPJOKE

Back On Track Jokes

It’s good to see North Korea’s economy getting back on track

Apparently they’re producing vegetables now.

A wealthy man met a beggar on the street.

The beggar pleaded to the wealthy man to give him a dollar to buy something to eat.

"You poor fellow," said the wealthy man. "Come with me and I'll buy you a drink."

"Actually, I don't drink. But I would like something to eat."

"Here, my friend. Take one of my Cuban cigars," the...

A Preist, a Pastor, and a Rabbit

A preist, a pastor, and a rabbit walk into a blood donation clinic. The nurse at the front desk notices them waiting and asks them if they know their blood types; they're very low on specific types of blood, as usual.

The rabbit hurriedly hops up and says "Yep, I'm a type A-."

The nurs...

I don't like to eat anything labeled "reformed ham"

As I think it is unfair that the pigs are slaughtered after they've got their lives back on track.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

In a bar (long)

I forget where I heard this one but it’s one of my favorites.

A man walks into a bar and sits down looking very miserable. Another man sees him and asks “having a bad day?” To which the first man responded “I just got married and put a down payment on our dream house, overextended our credit...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An Arab guy living in the desert

Who is a specialist in hunting some rare type of birds for food, he usually catches a lot but since it was a rough season he would be blessed to even catch 1 bird, one day he got very lucky and caught 2,

As he was heading home, he encountered a stranger who was lost, the guy offered him to st...

Take a night off

The married owners of a Chinese restaurant have been working hard and decide to take a night off to get their love life back on track.

As things heat up in the bedroom the wife, feeling adventurous, whispers "How about a 69?".

Her husband responds "Why do you want me to make Sweet and ...

Snails

A husband and wife have been at odds with each other over the husband's endless drinking and stopping out late. To get their marriage back on track, the wife decides to make a romantic french dinner with Snails to start so she sends her husband out saying 'right, please can you buy me these snails f...

What did the train driver say when he decided to get over his drug addiction?

I need to get my life back on track

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The derailed train

One day a group of businessmen were traveling to a meeting by train. The trip was going as usual, the passengers conversed and the meals were delivered. When the train entered an open area, it started rapidly slowing down causing everyone in it come flying across their seats. The train however didn'...

A landlord’s lesson…

A pub landlord is struggling with the cost of living crisis. Customers are down and costs are soaring. To get his business back on track, he decides the best way forward is to host an event to draw in new customers. Noticing the cobwebs in some of the dimly lit corners of the pub, he has a stroke of...

Gliding Eagles

Two eagles were gliding at a high altitude and discussing life, when a F-15 fighter jet zooms above them. It throws them off course and ruffles up their feathers.

They calm down and get back on track gliding next to each other.

The first eagle, excitedly 'Wow!! Now thats what I call sp...

There once was a man who really loved Tractors

There once was a man who really loved Tractors. He collected them, he drove them around town, he went to tractor shows, he loved anything to do with tractors. One day, at a tractor show, he got hit by a tractor and was severely injured. After months in hospital and rehab, he finally got his life bac...

My Mom's favorite joke

There was a woman named Betty Lou, whose life had recently fallen into a downward spiral of horrible luck. She had been laid off after working for the same company for several years. She began binge eating to cope, and as a result become terribly overweight. This made it more difficult for her to ac...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An old Persian joke

Long ago, there lived a poor peasant in the Persian Empire. The man had, some years before, lost his luck. His wife died, his meager wealth ebbed further away, and the poor peasant was on the verge of starvation. Realizing his life was growing grim, he decided that he would find his luck out there i...

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.