At my funeral I want to invite everyone I ever did a group project with in school.
This way, if they lower my casket or fail to show up, they can let me down one last time.
Missed talking to my friends and family at my funeral
But you could say I was there in spirit
I want bagpipes at my funeral.
So I don’t have to listen to them.
I told my family that there should be plenty of bongs and blunts at my funeral.
It’ll be a true wake and bake.
I was asked if I was going to have a closed casket at my funeral.
Over my dead body!
A rich man on his deathbead...
calls his three lawyers in for a final consultation.
"They say you can't take it with you, but I'm going to prove them wrong! I'm giving you each a third of my money. At my funeral, I want you to throw it in my grave so that it's buried with me."
After the funeral, the lawyers are ...
My wife said, "When I die, I want everyone at my funeral to be happy, not sad and depressed."
I said, "Don't worry. They will be."
Bob, Fred and Joe are at the funeral of one of their friends and it gets them thinking about what they'd like people to say about the three of them at their funerals
Bob: When people are looking at me in my coffin at my funeral I want them to say, 'he was caring, he was kind, he was compassionate, he always had time for people, he made everyone feel welcome.'
Fred: When people are looking at me in my coffin at my funeral I want them to say, 'he was a devo...
I want to hire a Mexican, An Italian and a Russian
To show up at my funeral in black suits and say "thank you boss", then leave. Just so that my Family and Friends would think I had something Big going on.
My aim is to make everyone laugh before I die...
Because I already know everyone will laugh at my funeral.
This joke may contain profanity. 🤔
Two dads, Philip and Mike, fight every day about their respective sons’ physical growth.
Both of the kids go to the same kindergarten. As Philip and Mike watch on as they go in, Mike tells Philip, “Y’know buddy, my son is currently 4 foot. He’ll grow up to be an actor!”
Philip replies, “We’ll see about that, my son is 4 foot one. And your son will never get popular if he’s short,...
A wealthy man was on his death bed
He called in his doctor, his pastor, and his lawyer. He told them, "Look, I know everyone says that you can't take it with you, but I'll be damned if I'm not going to try. So I've got a $500,000 bag of money for each of you, and you must throw it into my coffin at my funeral. I trust all of you to h...
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