UPJOKE

Answer To Jokes

My dad’s answer to everything is alcohol...

He doesn’t drink, it’s just that he’s really bad at crossword puzzles...

Does the International House of Pancakes answer to the United Nations or is it the other way around?

Serious answers only. I'm studying for my AP World History final.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My father’s answer to everything was alcohol.

He wasn’t a drunk. He was just shitty at Trivia.

For Christians, Jesus is always the answer. What’s always the answer to atheists?

Your mom.

Im going to ask you some questions and the answer to em all is addicted.

If you drink too much alcohol what are u to alcohol?... Addicted

If you smoke too much what are u to cigarettes?... Addicted

If you take too many drugs what are u to drugs?... Addicted

So what slapped you in the face last night?...

I know the answer to the chicken and egg problem

The rooster came first

A joke my kid thought they knew the answer to...

Person: Hey kiddo, I got a joke for you... Why doesn't Santa pay for parking?

Kid: oh I know this one... because Santa slayed the man!

Trump is asked the answer to 2+2.

"I have to say a lot of people have been asking this question. No, really. A lot of people come up to me and they ask me. They say, "What's 2+2"? And I tell them look, we know what 2+2 is. We've had almost eight years of the worst kind of math you can imagine. Oh my god, I can't believe it. Addition...

A old TV psychic is given a question in an envelope and asked for the answer to said question without opening the envelope. The psychic holds it up to his head, concentrates, and says "The Answer! Is! 'Perpetuate!'"

Then, the old psychic opens the envelope to read the note inside out loud to the studio audience and says, "The Question! Is! How does a Chinese deli charge their customers...?!"

Jimmy Answer to his Teacher

The teacher asked Jimmy, "Why is your cat at school today Jimmy?" Jimmy replied crying, "Because I heard my daddy tell my mommy, 'I am going to eat that p*ssy once Jimmy leaves for school today!'"

She said to me, you're the answer to my prayers.

You're not what I asked for, but you're the answer.

Vodka isn't the answer to all of my problems..

But it's worth a shot

I couldn't figure out the answer to 180˚/ π on my math test.

So the girl next to me let me cheat off her.

It was rad.

A lawyer sits next to a blonde on a plane, and he really wants her to notice him, but she shows no interest.

The lawyer is not used to being rejected, so he says:

"Let's play a game. We go back and forth and ask each other questions, and if you don't know the answer, you give the person $5."

The blonde isn't interested, and she declines.

After 20 minutes of silence, the lawyer says:...

My Mum's instinctual answer to a crossword clue made for a great joke: "A useless object, 3 letters long, begins and ends with D"

Dad.

Why was 42 the answer to life, the universe, and everything?

Because it's the most fortuitous number.

String theory might be the answer to everything...

...but then again, it might knot.

Looking for the answer to these three jokes

Sorry that this isn't a joke post, but I have three jokes that I need the answers to, if anyone knows:

1. What do you get when you cross a pair of lungs and a chihuahua?
2. What do you get when you cross a pair of lungs and a sumo wrestler?
3. What do you do if your lungs run away?
<...

What did the nail say to the hammer when he got the right answer to the question?

You hit the nail on the head!

What do you call the Vatican's answer to Tinder?

Kinder

Why is the answer to the 10th multiple questions always C?

Because Tennessee

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Donald Trump meets the Queen...

Donald Trump meets with the Queen. He asks her, "Your Majesty, how do you run such an efficient government? Are there any tips you can give to me?"

"Well," says the Queen, "the most important thing is to surround yourself with intelligent people."

Trump frowns. "But how do I know the p...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

TIL the answer to the question about how do blind people know when to stop wiping.

Today the electricity went out at my place of employment during a thunderstorm. While I was in the mens room. It was then that I remembered that blind people can’t see shit, so how do they know when to stop wiping? the answer is: they don't. you just sort of guess and let me tell you- it's never eno...

What is the only correct answer to the question 'Are you ticklish?'

I have explosive diarrhea.

What's the hardest answer to get correct in hangman? asked my nine year old...

I knew it would be JAZZ, but I wanted to play along, so I had a made a few guesses before starting in on what I thought would be the correct letters. "Wrong" he said again and again until he drew the lifeless body. "Well, what is the answer?" I asked.

XYAK he wrote down. "That's not a word," ...

What's the best way to find out the answer to anything. ?

Post the wrong answer on Reddit.

A Roman Pirate Captain asks tells their crew to "Find me the answer to i plus i"

The crew responds with "ii, captain"

EINSTEINIUM

Albert Einstein used to go to dinners where he was invited to give a speech. One day, on his way to one of those dinners, he told his chauffeur (who looked exactly like him) that he was dead tired of giving the same speech, dinner after dinner.
"Well," said the chaffeur, "I've got a good idea. Wh...

The answer to the most pressing question in human history

A chicken and an egg are laying in bed. The chicken is smoking a cigarette and has a smile on its face. The egg is staring at the ceiling with a frown on its face. The egg mutters under its breath 'well, I guess we answered That question.'

Somebody told me that rum and coke wasn't the answer to my problems.

I told them that it might not be the answer, but it was certainly a solution.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

In answer to the question "would you have sex with bill Clinton" 87 percent of Americans responded

No. Not again

So I went to a costume party dressed as a chicken when I bumped into a cute girl dressed as an egg, that night i found out the answer to the age old question

Which came first

A cop pulls over an old lady for speeding on a highway. He asks for her driver's license and registration.

When she opens her wallet, he notices a conceal-carry permit.

He asks, “Ma’am, do you have a weapon in your possession at this time?”

She responds "I'll bet you $100 you can't guess the answer to that question" as she slaps a crisp bill on her dashboard.

The cop rubs his chin an...

If the answer to “what do you call a blind reindeer?” is ‘no idea’, what do you call a blind reindeer that can’t walk?

Still no idea.

Just realized my poorly-upvoted posts end up being the answer to "what did the driver do at the race track?"

[erased]

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