UPJOKE

Amber Heard Jokes

C'mon guys don't make fun of Amber Heard's lawyer

He probably gets enough abuse from her as it is

what is Amber Heard's favorite board game?

**SCATAGORIE**

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What did Johnny Depp's bed say when Amber Heard walked in?

You've got to be shitting me.

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Dedicated to Amber Heard

After a night of drinking, Brian crept into bed beside his wife who was already asleep.

He gave her a peck on the cheek and fell asleep.

When he awoke, he found a strange man standing at the end of his bed wearing a long flowing white robe. "Who the hell are you?" demanded Brian, "and ...

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Just saw Amber Heard try to fake cry during the trial.

Can’t really tell if she’s a shitty actress or just a shitting actress.

What pronouns do Amber Heard’s lawyers prefer?

Hear/say

Amber Heard's net worth is $2.5 million and she now has to pay Johnny Depp $15 million...

Yeah, she's forever going to be in Depp!

Let's all take a moment to Thank Amber Heard's team of Lawyers for their efforts and hard work

to prove Johnny Depp's innocence.

The only way Amber Heard would get what she deserves...

is if she started telling jokes about Will Smith's wife.

BREAKING NEWS from the courtroom! Amber Heard confesses to having a child with Charlie Sheen. The child went to live with his father and took his name.

Both parents agreed the child should be sheen and not heard.

If Will Smith, Amber Heard, and Chris Brown formed a band, what would its name be?

The Heavy Hitters.

What’s Amber Heard’s Sleep Number?

… number 2

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Request to ban Amber Heard jokes.

They're shit.

Amber Heard had an argument with her interior designer.

They could not decide on where to place the stool in the bedroom.

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Say what you want about Amber Heard...

She is the only one who gave a shit in this relationship.

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Amber Heard's morning routine

1). Wake Up
2). Eat Breakfast
3). Take a shit
4). Get out of bed
5). Shower

What do Amber Heard and Jesus have in common?

They both got nailed on the cross.

Amber Heard and Jussie Smollett walk into a bar...

And just lied there

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I can't believe DCU fans wanted to ban Amber Heard

From their movies there seems to be no better place to shit the bed.

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I dated Amber Heard for a bit, but didn't sleep with her

Couldn't make it passed turd base

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What is Amber Heard's love language?

Turds of affirmation

What algorithm does Amber Heard use to dig for gold?

Depp First Search.

What’s the difference between Bigfoot and Amber Heard ?

Bigfoot won’t sh*t in your bed.

Why did Amber Heard and Charlie Sheen's secret lovechild take his father's name instead of his mother's?

Because children should be sheen and not heard.

Amber alert has a new meaning now thanks to Amber Heard

It's what the city sends to men when Amber is seen at a bar.

What's the difference between Amber Heard's lawyer and Dory?

Dory at least takes a few seconds to forget an answer she recieved.

In real life, Johnny Depp and Amber Heard's marriage was toxic

Naturally, it'd make a great romcom.

They keep calling the Johnny Depp/Amber Heard trial “defamation case”…

I think there’s a typo there.

The truth is that Amber Heard won't ever work in movies again.

Her lawyer,"For a difference of $150,000,000, act like the victim ".

What is Amber Heards favourite snack

A Saltine

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Johnny Depp claims amber heard or her friend pooped on his bed

This incident surely left a stain in their relationship...

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Amber Heard’s lawyer sure is having a hard time in this trial…

He really shit the bed with this one.

From now on instead of saying #1 or #2 for the bathroom

I'm going to call it an R. Kelly or Amber Heard

Believe all women. Really? ALL of them?

That’s the dumbest thing I’ve Amber Heard.

What did Johnny Depp's lawyer say when they found Amber Heard's "bruise makeup kit" wasn't made before 2017?

Objection, lack of foundation

What starts with an A and makes up everything?

Amber Heard.

Johnny repeatedly said he was gonna win the defamation case

Which proves that Amber Heard, but didn’t listen

Never let others keep you down, never stop trying and never be afraid to fight for what you want.

Unless your name is Amber Heard in which case can you please stop? Like, now please?

Johnny Depp was talking to a friend one day. He explained he was experiencing some minor hearing loss but didn’t want people to know about it. But since yesterday the tabloids began reporting his secret issue, much to his distaste. His friend asked how the secret could’ve possibly gotten out.

Johnny Depp replied: “Rumor has it, Amber Heard.”

Did she know that Elon Musk was cheating on her?

Yeah, Amber Heard

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