UPJOKE

Always Late Jokes

Why is a stormtrooper always late for work?

Because they keep missing the bus

Why are communists always late to events?

Because they’re Stallin’!

JK. It’s cause they starved to death.

Why's the leader of Russia always late?

Is trick question. If Comerade Stalin appears late, it is only because we were early. All glory to mother Russia.

My friend was so depressed that he was always late for everything...

... that he threw himself behind a train.

Tom had this problem of getting up late in the morning and was always late for work.

His boss was mad at him and threatened to fire him if he didn't do something about it.

So Tom went to his doctor who gave him a pill and told him to take it before he went to bed.

Tom slept well and in fact beat the alarm in the morning. He had a leisurely breakfast and drove cheerful...

She’s always late.

Her ancestors arrived on the Juneflower.

What cake was always late to the party?

ChocoLATE

Hahah I'll leave now I just needed to brag about my dope reddit bday

Why are werewolves always late?

Because it takes them Lycan hour to get ready

Always Late

Charley, a new retiree-greeter at Wal*Mart, just couldn't seem to get to work on time. Every day he was 5, 10, 15 minutes late. But he was a good worker, really tidy, clean-shaven, sharp-minded and a real credit to the company and obviously demonstrating their "Older Person Friendly" policies.
<...

The Trains Are Always Late

A man was complaining to a railroad engineer.

What's the use of having a train schedule if the trains are always late.

The railroad engineer replied.

How would we know they were late, if we didn't have a schedule?

It's no wonder trains are always late.

There's a lower supply because of all the children eating them.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I was in the pub last night when the barman asked me, "How come I never see you in here with Pete any more?"

I asked him, "Would you drink with a bloke who's a liar, always late, borrows money he never pays back, always tries to squirm out of his round, jealous of everything you have, and when your back is turned he tries to fuck your wife and daughter?"

"Bloody hell! No!" he said, somewhat flabberg...

What do you call a Chinese man who is always late for work?

Long Lie In

What's it called when a priest is always late?

Collared people's time

Why is everyone always late to Auto-Erotic Asphyxiation Anonymous meetings?

Because they're all tied up, but coming soon.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A woman was at her hairdresser's getting her hair styled for a trip to Rome with her husband. She mentioned the trip to the hairdresser, who responded:

"Rome? Why would anyone want to go there? It's crowded and dirty. You're crazy to go to Rome. So, how are you getting there?”

"We're taking United” was the reply. "We got a great rate!”

“United?" exclaimed the hairdresser. " That's a terrible airline. Their planes are old,...

Three prisoners of communist regime

Three prisoners are in one cell and they talk about why they are here.

First guy: "My watch was always 10 minutes late, so I was always late for work and they locked me up for betrayal."

Second guy: "My watch was always 10 minutes early, so I was always 10 minutes early to work and the...

So a KGB inspector goes to visit a Siberian prison to check on the inmates in their cells.

First he goes to the first cell and asks the inmate "why were you arrested?" The inmate replies him "My watch was always 10 minutes late and thus i was always late for work so they assumed that i was late because i was planning a coup".
He then proceeds to go to the second cell and asks the inmat...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

my school life sucks.

my teachers are awful and give too much homework, they’re also so mean to anyone who tries to ask a question, and are always taking extra time just to pick on me, just being total jerks.

my classmates are equally bad, being big bullies to anyone they see, always stealing my work, tapping thei...

Nikolia, Sergei, and Alexander are in a Soviet era Gulag together when Sergei asks

Sergei: So what did you two do to end up here?

Alexander: I was always early for work, so the government accused me of espionage and sent me here.

Nikolia: I was always late for work so I had to work later to make up for lost time. The government accused me of sabotage and sent me here...

Giles was late for shooting practice so the Sergeant made him pretend he was holding a pistol and make "Pew pew" sounds.

Giles didn't want to make a fuss so he makes his hands into a pistol and starts saying "pew pew" while aiming.

But the idiot Giles was almost always late. So a lot of "pew pewing" was going on when he was practicing.

After 4 months, there's been an invasion and a full-blown war has s...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The woman tells her husband: "the clock fell off the wall and almost hit my mother in the head".

The husband replies: "Shitty clock, always late!".

I can't stand dead people

They're always late

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why musicians start on 1-2-3-4 while dancers start on 5-6-7-8?

Because those twats are always late.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Lost my job today...

Told my boss I was always late cause I had diarrhea .. he told me I was full of shit

A conductor is getting an orchestra together for a performance but having trouble finding a clarinet player.

Finally, he calls a contractor who tells him "Well, the only guy I've got available at this moment is this jazz clarinetist.”

The conductor replies "I can't stand working with jazz musicians! They dress lousy, they're always late, and they all have an attitude problem.”

“Well" replie...

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