UPJOKE

Almighty God Jokes

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Two 9/11 conspiracy theorists are in a plane when it crashes

An instant later they find themselves in the afterlife, being judged by Almighty God Himself.

One falls to his knees, "I deplore you, all-powerful Creator of the universe! Before you judge me, I humbly beg you, reveal who was behind the September 11 attacks!"

God sighs. "Muslim extremi...

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A man is late for work, and desperately tries to find a parking space...

His boss has already told him before that if he is late one more time, he'll be fired on the spot.

The man is circling around the parking lot, but still all the spaces are completely full.

Suddenly, the man stops his car, puts his hands together and looks towards the sky.

"Dear ...

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Lenin headed directly to Heaven after he died.

He thought he had done much good for the oppressed and deserved retirement in Heaven. He arrived at the gates.

"Who's there?"

"Vladimir Ilyich Lenin."

"Okay, okay! Last one in be sure to close the door. It's kind of cold in here..."

God checked Lenin's dossier and decided...

Barack, Hillary and Donald are standing in front of the throne of heaven...

Almighty God looks at them and says, “Before granting you a place at my side, I want to ask you what you have learned and what you believe in.”



God asks Barack first: “Son, What do you believe in?”



Obama thinks long and hard, looks God straight in the eye, and says, “I ...

The creation of the woman.

When Adam roamed the garden of Eden, he saw how happy all the pairs of animals were, and he craved a partner. He prayed all day and all night, and in the end god answered his pleads and replied.

"Adam, what are you praying for?"

"Oh almighty god! I have seen the bliss of the animals of...

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Forrest Gump passed away

... And he is met at the Pearly Gates by St. Peter himself. The gates are closed however, as Forrest approaches the gatekeeper.

St. Peter says, "Well Forrest, it is certainly good to see ye. We hath heard much of you.  I must inform thee that Heaven is filling up fast, and we hath been admin...

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