UPJOKE

All Over Me Jokes

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I was on the way to a meeting when a cart full of horse manure tipped all over me. I didn’t let it stop me though,

I was under turd!

My waiter just spilled coffee all over me.

I know it was just an accident, but I'm still bitter.

I tried to open a bag of Lays but it exploded all over me.

I've had a chip on my shoulder ever since.

Man, some dude just poured a gallon of milk all over me

How dairy!

I’ll totally let people walk all over me...

It’ll be fun to watch them trip over my rolls

I went to Vietnam and someone on the street peed all over me

I still get splashbacks

I will never let people walk all over me

I refuse to accept de-feet

I was bored, so I spent all day re-arranging my spice rack, only for one of the herb jars to exploded all over me...

I've got way too much thyme on my hands

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I just paid $25 for a hot 20 year old chick to rub her boobs all over me

I love having my hair cut.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A woman in her 70s decided it was finally time to get married.

She put an add out in the newspaper. "Husband wanted. Must not beat me, must not walk all over me, must still be good in bed"


She got many applicants but after a few weeks she didn't find anybody suitable. She was about to give up, when she heard her doorbell ring. She opens the door to...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A drunk man sitting at a bar starts to dry heave (long)

The bar patrons instinctively moved away from him, and sure enough, he vomits all over the bar and himself. The man immediately starts sobbing loudly.

The bartender approaches slowly to address the mess. He says to the man "Hey, man. Don't worry about it. You're not the first guy to throw up ...

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