All Four Jokes - 35 Hilarious All Four Jokes

In the beginning, man walked on all fours.

Then man met woman. And ever since, man has walked erect.

Did you know you can discharge all four states of matter out of your ass?

Just eat Taco Bell to discharge plasma.

All four Metallica members are sitting on a couch, with Lars being right next to the telephone. As it rings, Cliff goes to pick it up. What’s the problem?

It should have been Lars.

A dad told his 15 year old son that he would buy him a car…

…in 6 months on his 16th birthday if he (the son) got a job, made all “A’s” in school, started going to church every week and cut his hair. The son agreed to do all four things.

Six months go by and the dad told his son, “Son, you got a job, you are going to church every Sunday and are making...

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A guy is walking around an insane asylum with a huge brick wall on all four sides....

He here's chanting on the other side, "Twenty seven! Twenty seven! Twenty seven!"

Curious, he walks around the wall looking for a way to see in. Suddenly, he sees a perfect hole in the shape of a circle in the wall, about eight feet up. Wondering what the chanting is about, he searches until ...

My cousin has dark hair. His wife is blonde. All four of their kids have light colored hair.

Genetically speaking, there's a 15 in 16 chance that she's cheating.

I had my wife on all fours last night...

As she was telling me to get out from under the bed and fight like a man.

People: You can't have all four seasons in the space of 24 hours!

Ohio: Hold my beer.

*inspired by the fact that yesterday it was 74F and had thunderstorms, and today it's 30F and snowing.*

A young baker buys a shop

He is very excited as this is his first venture since qualifying. He sells ok on everyday items like bread, but runs into trouble with his 'special items'. One day he makes beautiful cakes, however his customers only want pastries that day. So the next day he makes pastries, but now they want muffin...

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A man crawls into a psychiatrist's office on all fours with something in between his teeth.

The psychiatrists says:
"Oh, and what do we have here? A kitty?".
The man crawls into a corner. The doc goes on, saying:
"Maybe you're a doggy?".
The man changes corners, with the shrink saying:
"I see! You're a turtle!".
The man finally slaps and yells:
"Ju...

What do you call a gang of people paralyzed in all four limbs?

Squadriplegic.

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A young man and his boss have to travel to a city 500 miles away. Due to cost cutting measures put in place by the boss, they take the train instead of the flight which was four hours faster.

As they entered their train compartment, the young man and the boss found themselves opposite to a gorgeous twenty something girl and her sixty year old looking mother.

Within a few minutes, the young man and the girl start giving quick glances at each other. After twenty minutes or so, the ...

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2 cowboys talking about sex. 1 cowboy says "I like the rodeo position !"

"I haven't heard of that ... " says the other cowboy, "what is it ?"
"Well get your girlfriend down on all fours and mount her from behind. Then reach round and cup both of her breasts and whisper "these feel just like your sisters" and try and hold on for 8 seconds !"

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I was bringing the animals in for the night, when a sinkhole opened up and all four of my donkeys fell into it

"What an asshole!!!" I shouted

In 1999, in the midst of the Y2K panic, the KY Jelly company announced it was now Y2K compliant:

Known as 'Y2KY Jelly, it now allowed you to put all four digits in your date

in the beginning God created Man and said "I have created the perfect woman and wife for you, and put her in all four corners of the globe"

then he made the world round and LAUGHED.

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Four prisoners are killed in a prison bus accident

A drug dealer, a car thief, a bank robber and a rapist all die and are sent immediately to hell. Once there Satan begins checking his documents and says he isn’t ready for them. He says “you died a little too soon. So we don’t have anywhere to put you. I will be clearing out a few places for you but...

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Meanwhile, in an alternate universe where the Nazi's empire reaches to all four corners of the universe...

They've become a Reichtangle.

A blonde gets a job at a Gas Station...

It is her first day, and her first customer drives to pump #1 in a red convertible. Super excited, she approaches the customer and says, "Hey, mister, would you like some gas?" The customer says, "Yes, that's why I am here," she immediately gets to work, filling the customer's tank.

While the...

Four roommates get drunk the night before an exam and they miss the test.

They go to the professor with a story that they got a flat tire on their way to take the exam and they beg for the chance to take a make-up exam.

The professor agrees.

On the day of the make-up test all four students show up right on time. The professor looks at his watch and says "be...

In 1996 a stunt went wrong when a Fiat car containing 4 people being carried in a military plane fell out of the plane, falling 10,000 miles to the ground and crashing. All four passengers survived, but how?

Because no one would be caught dead in a Fiat

Not so funny now is it?

A boy comes home from school. He hears a thud-thud-thud sound coming from upstairs. He goes to investigate and notices the sound is getting louder.
Thud-thud-thud, it's getting louder and faster. It's coming from his parents room! The boy flings the door open and sees his mom on all fours an...

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Two Cows

**Edit: Just to make it clear, I am not taking credit for the joke(s). I just merely found it/them whilst browsing around and thought you guys would appreciate it/them.**

SOCIALISM

You have 2 cows.

You give one to your neighbour

COMMUNISM

You have 2...

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443rd day without sex:

Watching the clock at 4:43 just to see when it's gonna be on all fours.

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My wife had some tattoos done on the cheeks of her ass.

She said to the tattooist I would like a butterfly on each cheek.

Tattooist says, sorry I can't do butterflies, I can do Bee's though.

So my wife said okay they are nice as well. She came home, dropped her pants turned round and got on all fours to show me.

I said "who the fuck ...

A woman’s garden is growing beautifully but the tomatoes won’t ripen. She goes to her neighbor and says, ”Your tomatoes are ripe, mine are green. What can I do about it?”

Her neighbor replies, ”Well, it may sound absurd but here’s what to do. Tonight there’s no moon. After dark go out into your garden and take all your clothes off. Tomatoes can see in the dark and they’ll be embarrassed and blush. In the morning they’ll all be red, you’ll see.”

She says Well, ...

One night four college students were out partying late

One night four college students were out partying late night and didn’t study for the test which was scheduled for the next day.

In the morning, they thought of a plan. They made themselves look dirty with grease and dirt. Then they went to the teacher and said they had gone out to a weddi...

A hunting joke ( read full it's totally worth it)

A big city lawyer went duck hunting in rural North Alberta. He shot and dropped a bird, but it fell into a farmer's field on the other side of a fence. As the lawyer climbed over the fence, an elderly farmer drove up on his tractor and asked him what he was doing. The litigator responded, "I shot a...

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Rabbit Hunting

A man out walking with his dog is amazed to see his doctor down on all fours with his finger halfway down a rabbit hole.
As he continues to watch, the doctor withdraws his hand and a moment later a rabbit pops his head out. The doctor knocks it out and puts it in his bag. After watching him catch...

Steve sees an ad for hiring a music producer.

The ad reads: "MUSIC PRODUCER WANTED! Must be able to play piano, type 40 words a minute, and be bilingual. We are an equal opportunity employer!" So he decides to go apply for the job.

The hiring manager is pleased with his resume but says, "Well your resume looks good, but I have to admit S...

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Four monks were called by an abbot for a test of purity. They were asked to drop their robes and stand naked.

The abbot brought four small bells and asked the monks to tie them to their penis. Their task was to stand still and not make the bell ring. The task seemed easy until the abbot brought a super hot model into the room. None of the bells rang ,so the abbot asked the super model to do a strip dance. T...

4 college guys go on a weekend road trip.

They are having such a good time that they decide to play hooky and skip out on their Monday exam in psychology. They all send their professor an email saying they had a flat tire while out of town and the professor said no problem, unexpected things happen. They could take it on Tuesday.

Ce...

You're It!

Einstein, Newton, and Pascal are playing hide-and-seek. It’s Einstein’s turn to be it, so he closes his eyes and starts counting, “Eins, zwei, drei…” Pascal runs off and hides under a big bush. Newton runs over to a nearby driveway, takes out some chalk, and draws a box around him that is one meter ...

Father Rabbit teaches his Rabbit Son life lessons.

So Father Rabbit takes four female rabbits and lines them up in front of his son.

"Son", says Father Rabbit, "we are small and vulnerable animals, and everyone in the woods wants to eat us. That's why we have to do everything really fast to stay safe. Including reproduction. I brought these f...

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A man is rushed into the ER with a golf club wrapped around his neck

He has also been beaten horribly about the head and face. The ER doctor says, "My God man! What happened to you?" Through broken teeth the patient tells his story. "My wife and I and another couple went out for a round of golf. We went to that new course by the dairy farm out on highway 12. Well, we...

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