All Around Jokes - 27 Hilarious All Around Jokes

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An old Soviet communist was lying on his deathbed with his comrades all around him.

He wanted to confess before dying.

"Misha, remember in 1921 when you were almost executed? It was me. I reported you to the Cheka. I'm sorry"

"All is forgiven, Comerade", Misha replies

"Petya, remember in 1937 when you were sentenced to 25 years of gulag? Well, it was I who went...

With McDonalds closing all around Russia I guess that means it is a..

..no fry zone.

(Credit to my dad for the joke)

A little boy blows up his balloon and starts flicking it all around the house with his finger.

His mother tells him to stop it as he's liable to break something.

The boy continues.
"Johnny!" mom screams. "Knock it off. You're going to break something."

He stops and eventually mom leaves for a short trip to the store.

Johnny starts up with the balloon again. He gives i...

How to catch a polar bear: Dig a big hole out in the ice and place little green peas all around it...

And when the polar bear comes to take a pea you kick him in the ice hole.

When I was young, women were chasing me all around the block

But I got too old for stealing handbags.

If you can stay calm while all around you is chaos,

then you probably haven’t completely understood the situation.

There was a man who believed that he could cook the best meal ever existed in the history of kitchen culture, and he wanted to show his dish to the most talented an known chefs from all around the world

He invited all the top chefs of the world that he could reach to and organized a nice evening where he would cook and serve his special course. After the chefs came, he went to the kitchen and began cooking. Even though the chefs insisted, he didn't let anyone in and mysteriously prepared his dish.<...

I just drew a sketch of myself wearing a rolex in front of a giant mansion with a bunch of lambos all around me

So on paper I'm a millionaire.

Do you know why, all around the world, parlaments' roof are built as a dome?

Have you ever seen a circus with a flat roof?

Tweet: "There are flat earthers all around the globe"

Posted by: Flat Earth Society.

Did you hear about the delivery driver for the local bakery that had 6 extra eyes located all around his head?

He's seen some weird things man but this guy takes the cake.

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I saw that my wife’s eye makeup smeared all around when she woke up this morning.

I couldn’t even raccoon-eyes her.

All around the world children are nice

But in Germany all the children are Kinder

What are the most common 3 words used all around the world?

Made in China.

What goes all around the world but stays in one corner the entire time?

Stamps!

What would someone in the 13 hundreds say if you told them we fly in giant metal birds all around the world?

You mean across?

The productivity all around the world skyrocketed...

...then the Reddit maintenance came to an end.

My son got hold of my autobiography and threw the pages all around the house.

I really need to sort my life out.

Time zones are amazing, it's a different time all around the world.

For example, in some parts of the U.S. it's still 1950.

37 Was looking all around trying to figure out who took a bite from his cake, turns out...

Someone has been spraying graffiti of what appears to be corporate ledgers all around my neighborhood.

And the words of the profits are written on the subway walls, and tenement halls.

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Several centuries ago, the Pope decreed that all the Jews had to convert to Catholicism or leave Italy. There was a huge outcry from the Jewish community, so the Pope offered a deal. He'd have a religious debate with the leader of the Jewish community..

If the Jews won, they could stay in Italy; if the Pope won, they'd have to convert or leave.

The Jewish people met and picked an aged and wise Rabbi to represent them in the debate.

However, as the Rabbi spoke no Italian, and the Pope spoke no Hebrew, they agreed that it would be a 'si...

With all this talk of walls and migrants around the world.

Paddy Englishman, Paddy Irishman and Paddy Scotsman find a golden lamp in a forest and when Paddy Englishman rubs it with his sleeve a Genie appears and gives them a wish each.

Paddy Scotsman says "I wish to have neverending riches and alcohol."

Paddy Englishman says "I wish there was ...

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A man and his wife are having trouble with their sex life

So the man goes to the new sex toy shop, walks up to the counter and explains his situation.

The clerk says “I’ve got just the thing for you, it’s called magic penis” and retrieves it from the shelf behind him.

Man: how does it work?
Clerk: I’ll show you… “magic penis, counter!” ...

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You're in a heavily guarded room with walls all around you, and you only have a mirror and a table. How do you get out?

Well...
You look in the mirror, you see what you saw.
You take the saw, you cut the table in half.
Two halves make a whole, put the hole in the wall.
You talk with the guards until your voice gets hoarse, you get on the horse and ride away.

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A billionaire hires a painter of murals to come to his mansion…

…when he gets there, he calls the painter in into a large room and shows him a plain white wall that’s 20 feet high and 50 feet across. He says to the guy, “I’ve always been fascinated by General Custer so on this wall I want you paint your interpretation of Custer’s last stand. I’m going out of tow...

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The Pope announces he's kicking all the Jews out of Rome...

Outraged, the Jewish community call for a chance to debate the Pope and fight to stay.

They elect their best Rabbi and he travels to the Vatican to sit down with the Pope and plead for the Jews right to stay in Rome.

Since the Pope only speaks Latin and the Rabbi only s...

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