UPJOKE

Against The Law Jokes

Marijuana is legal and haircuts are against the law.

It took half a century but Hippies finally won.

Against the Law.

A nice, calm and respectable lady went into the pharmacy, walked up to the pharmacist, looked straight into his eyes,



and said, "I would like to buy some cyanide."



The pharmacist asked, "Why in the world do you need cyanide?"



The lady replied, "I need it ...

A calm, respected woman walks into a Pharmacy

As she walks in, she goes right up to the pharmacist, looks him straight into his eyes and said;

"I would like to buy some cyanide,"

The pharmacist asked her:

"why in the world do you need cyanide?"

She said:

"I need it to poison my husband."

The pharmaci...

Today the president signed a bill making it against the law to get up out of a chair.

I tried to sue but the judge said there was no legal standing.

What is the difference between unlawful and illegal?

Unlawful = Against the law

Illegal = A sick bird

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Did anybody hear what happened to that guy on the highway?

He pulled up to a gas station to fill up his tank, i guess they were doing maintenance on the pumps and didnt put one back together right, so while he was pumping, the hose popped off the nozzle and started spraying gas all up his arm.

So he went in PISSED. He was cussing, and yelling, eventu...

Why does slain Russian soldiers not turn into ghosts

It is against the law to be trans-parent

My daughter asked why she can’t just quit school

I told her it’s against the law and they’ll put me in jail.

My sweet sweet child looked me in the eye, and said: “I'll visit you”.

Dave and Johnny were abroad on holiday.

One evening, they decided to visit a local bar.
"Be careful of scammers," warned their tour guide. "There's a lot of dishonest people in this neighborhood."

Dave shrugged and laughed. "Don't worry mate, I can always spot a liar."

They went to the bar. At the door, the bouncer stood ...

Two guys are walking down the street one evening , being very loud...

A police officer comes up to them and says, “Sirs, don’t you know it is against the law to be making such a racket on your way home in the evening?”

The men look at him and just say, “Yes, we know”

The officer, puzzled, says, “So why don’t you follow the law?”

The men simply sta...

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Traffic stop

A man gets pulled over for going 5 miles over the speed limit. He says to the cop "youre gonna ticket me for goin FIVE MILES over the limit?"
Cop says "you betcha."
The man asks "is it against the law to call a cop an asshole?"
The cop replies "yep i wouldnt recommend it."
"Well is it ag...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man attempting to piss in public is apprehended by a police officer...

The officer asks him, "Sir, do you realize this is against the law?"

The man replies, "No, sir, it's against the wall."

An older man and a 16-year-old girl were alone in a room...

The man had initially agreed to the meeting, but he was having some serious second thoughts. He knew what they were planning to do was illegal, and could land him in some serious trouble.

Man: I don't know, I'm not sure if I should. I mean, your parents would kill me if they found out. I know...

Fishing with Bubba

One day a local went in to the sheriff and told him that Bubba was breaking the law when he went fishing. The sheriff called the game warden and sent him to investigate.

The game warden found Bubba at the convenience store packing ice into his beer cooler with a boat attached to his truck....

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What is the difference between sex and a guitar?

It isn't against the law to finger minors on a guitar.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My cousin thinks it's illegal to have sex with someone who digs for coal.

She says it's against the law to be with a miner.

The Lone Ranger and Tonto ride into town on a winter's day

They pull up outside the saloon and the Lone Ranger says, "I need to see a guy in there - you'll have to wait out here, it's against the law to let you in a place where liquor is sold".

Tonto scowls. "But it's freezing out here, *kemo sabe*!".

"I can't help that - the law's the law," s...

Neighborhood kids came over for an Easter egg hunt.

Apparently hiding the eggs in the clothes I was wearing is somehow against the law?

There was this epileptic Roman ruler...

...who was prone to occasional fits. He was also very self-conscious about it. One day, one of his guards (who also suffered from epilepsy) went into convulsions in the hall while the monarch was eating dinner.

Assuming that the man was mocking him, the dictator furiously ordered him to be t...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Google buys local Pizzeria

“Hello! Is this Gordon's Pizza?”

“No sir, it's Google Pizza – we bought Gordon’s Pizza last month. Do you want your usual, sir?”

“My usual? You know me?”

“According to our caller ID data, the last 12 times you called you ordered an extra-large pizza with cheese, sausage, peppero...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

How the Seven Dwarfs got their names..

Miss Snow White was a randy cow
And desperate for a fcuk,
So off she went into the woods
To try and get some luck.

She’d almost given up looking
When she saw some chimney smoke,
Then she stumbled on the cottage
And went on in for a poke.

Her clothes came off in second...

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