UPJOKE

After School Jokes

A girl tells her mother after school ‘Mum, I got a gold star today for reciting the whole alphabet! The rest of my class only knows 3 or 4 letters!

‘Well done darling’ the girl’s mother replies. ‘That’s because you’re blonde.’
After returning from school the next day the girl tells her mother ‘I am the smartest student in my maths class! I can count up to 15! Everyone else stopped at about 5’
‘Well done’ replies the mother again. ‘That’s ...

A blonde girl called Jenny came skipping home after school.

"Mommy mommy! Today in school, everyone else only counted to 5, but I counted to 10!"

The mom replies, "That's great honey!"

Jenny then asks, "Is it because I'm blonde?"

"Yes sweetie" says the mom.

The next day, Jenny comes home skipping and calling out "Mommy mommy! To...

Teacher: What do you do after school?

1st Student: I go and buy weed from Yakobo
2nd Student: I always go and buy cigarettes from Yakobo.
3rd Student: I go and buy cocaine from Yakobo.
4th Student: I always stay at home and do my homework.
Teacher: You are a great student, I hereby appoint you as the class monitor. You are a...

Two teenagers, Fred and Joe, meet after school and Fred is all excited.

“Man I was at the most awesome party this weekend! We went to this dude’s house and guy had toilets made of pure gold!”


“No way!”


“Yes way,” insists Fred, “come with me and check it out for yourself if you don’t believe me.”
\-
Twenty minutes later they’re ringing...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

3 students at a high school get into trouble and are put on detention after school.

But instead of just sitting in a classroom they are tasked with helping the school Janitor clean the school basement.

So they set about clearing the basement. They find loads of old junk, which had accumulated over the 80 years the school had been open.

After about an hour of movi...

A colon in a sentence can make a huge difference

For example:

Johnny ate his own lunch after school.

Johnny ate his own colon after school.

Where do the Sith hang out after school?

The Darth Mall.

Today my son told me he wanted to go help blind people after school...

The verb, not the adjective.

A boy goes to his School Career Advisor to talk about what he should do after school.

The Advisor says to him, do you have any particular interests or talents? The boy says, I really love stamps, studying them, collecting them, everything about them. The Career Advisor shakes his head and says, I'm sorry to tell you this, but philately will get you nowhere.

Teacher : What do you do after school ?

"I always go to buy cigarettes from Basil" - Girl 1

"I always go to buy weed from Basil" - Boy 1

"I always go to buy cocaine from Basil" - Girl 2

"I always go and do my homework" - Boy 2

The teacher, nearly surviving a heart attack after hearing the answers, had a smile o...

A girl is dared by a boy to climb the school flagpole.

She bets him five dollars that she can and he agrees. She climbs all the way to the top and gets her five bucks.

She tells her mom after school, feeling proud of her accomplishment.

“Oh honey, he just wanted you to climb the pole so he could see your underwear.” She says, shaking her h...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A young boy comes home after school...

He walks into the living room and nobody's there. So, he heads up to his bedroom. On the way, he passes by his parents' room and, hearing a commotion, opens the door. He sees his father on top of his mother humping away.

"What are you guys doing?" he asks.

After a moment of stunned sil...

A teacher asks her class their favorite after school snacks.

“Decklyn,” the teacher calls to the new student in the back of the room, “what’s your favorite after school snack?”

“Nuts,” he replies.

“Very good,” the teacher replies. “What kind of nuts? Peanuts? Pine nuts?”

The boy shakes his head and answers, “Doughnuts.”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A kid comes home after school

A kid comes home after school and shows his father his grade book. The father looks at it and looks back at the kid and angrily says "You got an F today? Well, you are grounded. And if you don't get a good grade tomorrow you are not my son anymore!"

The next day the kid comes home again. The ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Tough to be Irish

"What's your name?", asked the teacher.

"Mohammad," he replied.

"You're in Ireland now," replied the teacher, "So from now on you will be known as Mike.

" Mohammad returned home after school.

"How was your day, Mohammad?", his mother asked.

"My name is not Mohammad...

A mother asks her child after school...

"Did you learn anything today?"

"Not enough apparently, the teacher wants me to come back tomorrow..."

A teacher asks the class,"What do you do after school, kids?"

Anthony says "I buy weed from Yakobo"

Emily says "I buy booze from Yakobo"

Shaun says "I buy cocaine from Yakobo"

The teacher definitely didn't want to hear this type of responses, so she asks another random kid whom she didn't know that well.

"I complete my homework" he ...

A student comes into to a young professor's office after school hours

She glances down the hall, closes his door, kneels pleadingly. "I would do anything to pass this exam."
She leans closer to him, flips back her hair, gazes meaningfully into his eyes. "I mean..." she whispers, " I would do...anything."
He returns her gaze. "Anything?"
"Anything." ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Johnny wasn't picked up after school..

And the teacher decided to take him home until his mom shows up.


It's late and the teacher made him dinner.

Johnny: can i eat in front of TV? My mom always lets me do that.

Teacher: sure honey.


Couple of hours later his mother still didn't show up and the teacher ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Jimmy and Johnny and sitting in the playground after school...

as kids do. At one point Jimmy calls Johnny over, "You need to see this." He immediately pulls out a brand new rolex.

Johnny ask, "Where'd you get that watch?"

Jimmy replied. "I can't tell you."

"C'mon, did you get it for your birthday?"

"Nope."

"...from your gra...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A teacher walks up to the blackboard and writes DEFINITELY

She turns to the class and says, "Today we'll be looking at the word 'definitely'. Definitely is when something is assured and there is no chance of doubt. Now, I want some volunteers to use definitely in a statement."

Little Suzy raises her hand and says, "I am definitely going to the park a...

A dad asks another dad while waiting for their daughters after school.

- Hey sir, is there any support group for dads with daughters in our city? Could you recommend me a good one?

Another dad replies:

- Of course, sir! They’re called pubs!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

[NSFW] Little Johnny runs up to his dad after school and asks him,

"Dad, is it ok for me to stroke other people's pets?"

"Yes Johnny, as long as they say its alright".

"Then, is it alright for me to show my friends around our chicken farm?" asks Johnny

"Um, I don't see why not." replies his dad.

"Great! See ya."

"Where are you ...

Three boys have a discussion about whose dad is the fastest after school.

First boy: My dad is the fastest. Last week he bought a Porsche and it can drive faster than 300km/h.

Second boy: That’s nothing. My dad is a pilot in the military. His Jet flies faster than 1000km/h.

Third boy: Guys... My dad still is the fastest. He works for the government and his q...

Boys have a thing and girls don't.

One November afternoon when my daughter was in kindergarten, I picked her up after school. She bobbed out to the car and crawled into the back seat.

"What did you do today?" I asked.

She couldn't wait to tell me. "We learned that boys are different from girls" she chirped.

Looki...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A curious lad goes up to his dad after school and asks him “Dad? What’s a cunt?”

His dad scolded him for using such foul language but appreciated the intrigue and curiosity of the kid.

“I’ll show you what it is if you promise to never say that word again”.

The child agreed and the Dad led him by the hand into the room where his mother was asleep. He carefully pull...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A little girl comes home after school: "Mommy, mommy, someone at school called me a dumb bitch."

"What does dumb mean ?"

A mother walks in on his son playing video games after school.

A mother walks in on her son playing video games after school. Frustrated that he was playing games instead of doing his homework she says, "Do you know who Issac Newton is?". The son, without taking his eyes off the TV screen replies, "No, who is he?" and without missing a beat the mother smirks an...

What do holiday parties and after school clubs have in common?

They both feature Chess nuts!

Fred and Mary got married

Fred and Mary got married, but can't afford a honeymoon, so they go back to Fred's parent'shome for their first night together.

In the morning, Johnny, Fred's little brother, gets up and has his breakfast. As he is going out of the door to go to school, he asks his Mom if Fred and Mary are up...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The chicks at my junior highschool are awesome - today the hottest girl in my English class passed me a note saying she would blow me after school.

I fuckin love my new teaching job!

A man buys a robot that slaps people when they tell a lie.

He decides to test it on his family at dinner that night.

The man asked his son, "Son, what did you do after school today?"

The son replied, "Oh, I just did some homework" and the robot slapped the son.

The son said, "Okay I actually watched a movie with my friends".

The ...

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.