UPJOKE

About Time Jokes

I was gonna tell a joke about time traveling

But you guys didn't like it

I had a joke about time travel but you guys didn’t like it.

So I choose not to post it this time around

Edit: Thanks for the 1000 upvotes this time guys!
( Edited when I only had 27)

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Two young boys think it's about time to start swearing.

All of their friends swear, but it's just never been their thing. But tomorrow is the day! They decide to have a sleepover so they can start swearing together.
The morning comes and both boys wake up excitedly and head downstairs to breakfast. The mother asked her son "what would you like for br...

I wanted to make a joke about time travel

But no matter how far back I go there’s a repost already

It's About Time

A policeman was patrolling a local parking spot that overlooked a golf course. He drove by and noticed a couple inside with the interior dome light on.

In the driver's seat there was a young man reading a computer magazine, while in the backseat was a young woman knitting. Recognizing this as...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I think it's about time I upgraded my car's navigation system.

I couldn't use it last night, as the fucking stars weren't out.

A friend of mine was telling me about the time his wife tried to leave him by writing a breakup letter after he came home late again.

She left a note, saying, "I've had enough and have left you. Don't bother coming after me."

Then she hid under the bed to see his reaction.
After a short while, my buddy comes home and she could hear him in the kitchen before he comes into the bedroom.

She could see him wa...

I don't get what's so funny about time travel jokes

when you first have to read them.

The best thing about time machines ...

... is that you can buy it used and sell it new.

When you think about time on the cosmic scale, an infinitely expanding past and future...

60 seconds seems pretty minute.

I was about to make a joke about time dilation...

But it would take too long from your perspective.

It's About Time

A few weeks? after the death of my father-in-law, I found my seven-year-old son crying in bed. His grandmother had died the previous year, and he was taking it all very hard. "You know, Kyle," I said, "when we die, we’ll get to see Grandma and Grandpa again in heaven."

With tears spilling dow...

I gave a speech about time management

It lasted seven hours

I always wanted to get into sci-fi movies about time travel...

...but my interest in time travel ended before it really began.

What Is The Worst Part About Time Traveling Jokes?

**You already know the punchline.**

Cleveland has announced their baseball team will no longer be called "The Indians". It's about time.

Now we can finally call them the Cleveland Steamers.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

It's about time we got some wet grass.

I think it's dew.

I love the BBC’s documentaries about time and space!

I really quantum to continuum!

What he heard.....Its about time I let you know my life with you is a living hell.

What she said......Let's talk about us.

A young man from Alabama thought that it was about time that he settled down.

So he went to his father and asked him "Dad, what should I look for in a wife."

His father shrugged, "It's all relative."

Its about time we started swearing

A 5 year old and a 3 year old are upstairs in their bedroom
‘You know what?’ says the 5 year old, ‘I think it’s about time we started swearing.’
The 3 year old nods his head in approval, so the 5 year old says,
‘When we go downstairs for breakfast I’m gonna swear first, then you swear after...

I have a joke about time travel

But you got it the first time.


(Best told two or three days after making the recently posted "I have a joke about time travel, but you didn't like it.")

I was going to tell y'all a joke about time-travel

But none of you liked it.

“It’s about time I told you an important thing,” I said to my 15 year old son.

“What is it dad?” He asked.

“You were adopted,” I murmured.

“That’s impossible!” He exclaimed, “We look the same.”

“Well,” I replied, “That’s because we are Chinese.”

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